


Letters to London

by InkingLarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternative Universe - Solo Artist, Band Break Up, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 69,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkingLarry/pseuds/InkingLarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?</p><p>Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Hellooo! Just a little note before you start reading and decide to trash this; THE BEGINNING IS KIND OF SLOW. The first 4 chapters have little Larry, but reading it would be better if you want to get an understanding of the background / why their relationships in future chapters are the way they are, etc. but if you don't really care and want to skip to the Larry, JUST GO TO CHAPTER 5. I promise you won't be missing anything vital. Thanks! xx**

**~  
**

Their hands are woven on top of each others, like strands in a braid. Except this must be a unique braid, because there's five strands.

"Ready?" Niall says, looking out to the rest of the band. Louis' hand twitches nervously, and within a few minutes he's found Harry's larger hand and cocooned his hand inside of his. Harry squeezes it tightly, sending shivers down Louis' spine and taking all the nerves out of his body like it's an effortless move.

"Let's do this," Liam says cheerfully. He glances over at each one of their faces, seeing that they're not reflecting the same emotions.

"Come on guys. It's not like this is the last time ever that One Direction is going to be performing live. There's more tours to come. Stop pouting," He adds. Seeing no emotion change, he reaches out and pokes Zayn's cheek. "Zayn?"

"Hm?"

"Let's do this."

Zayn looks at his feet for a moment, breaking the five-hand pile they'd been holding out. Finally, he looks up and smiles. "C'mon guys. Let's finish this tour."

The boys chant together their usual routine, before they're off to the five different lifts. "See you onstage!" Niall calls out to them before ducking into his glass box.

"Right!" Louis says, still standing in between his and Harry's lift boxes, holding his hand. "Alright love," he says, looking over at him. Harry looks down at him, and the world seems to melt. The pale blue eyes, the way his lips are perfectly stretched with a smile. He can't help but grinning back, and then bending down and pushing a kiss to his lips. Louis' eyelashes splash across his cheeks as he takes the light kiss and lets go of Harry's hand. "Love y-"

"Guys, there's no time for your pathetic love story! C'mon!" Their tour manager is shouting. "Five seconds!"

Louis sighs and breaks the connection, hopping into his box beside Harry's just in time to catch it bouncing upwards.

Like that, every single girl in the stadium is screaming. The sound is one that never gets old. The boys are now standing on stage, their backs facing the front of the stage. The edgy-rock music of Just Can't Let Her Go begins to stream through the speakers' amplified system, sending the crowd into another tsunami of cries.

They jump into the first verse, starting with NIall's solo. The boys jump around as Niall begins to sing, his fingers fingering the strings of his electric guitar furiously. He's gotten better since the Take Me Home tour. He's actually gotten to play the guitar for every song on the album this time around.

The chorus is being screamed throughout the stadium. Girls are crying, and it breaks Liam's heart to see it, but it's just because they've saved their lives. That makes him happier.

They get through the first song alright, before they've gotten to the introductions.

"So how's everyone doing tonight?" Harry calls out. His voice has the effect of a bomb, sending off screams and cries like everyone in the room has just lost a limb. "Alright?" He continues.

"So as you know, this is our last... performance... of the Where We Are tour!" Louis addresses the fans. The rumble dies down, and Louis smiles. "Don't be upset, there's going to be plenty more, and we hope to get a chance to see everybody soon," he says. "I promise, we'll lower the prices of tickets, we want to see ALL of you!"

The stadium erupts again, and they have to wait for it to die down again.

"We just want to say a really big thank you to all... what is it? Twenty five million Twitter followers? That's incredible guys! Keep it coming! Thank you so much to all of you here, for dedicating your time and love to us and we really appreciate it. Plus, to everyone sitting at home watching these fan videos wishing they were here, we love you too! You guys are incredible, and I cant believe even if you're not here you're still with us! We really can't thank you all enough for making us... this," Liam adds on.

"And thank you for all the marriage mail, it's really great," Zayn adds. The fans are all either protesting against the recent Zayn and Perrie wedding, or saying you're welcome, or just plain out screaming.

Then, it feels like the world disappears from beneath his feet. He's drowning again. Marriage. That means love. Love. Eleanor. Where is she? Where's the management group? Does he really have to add her into the situation? Louis searches frantically throughout the first few rows of the stadium, hoping to find someone, giving him a cue or anything. He can't find anyone. He hopes he wasn't supposed to say anything about her. He really doesn't want to play along anymore.

The concert goes by quickly, before the band is saying their final goodbyes, sharing their last hug of the tour, and thanking all the fans once again. Harry nearly misses his platform, like always- but Louis pushes him onto it just in time.

Once they're below the stage again with the fans cheering faintly in the background, Niall collapses onto the cold stone floor with a _umph._ The boys laugh and lay next to him, Harry and Louis tangle their hands together on the floor as they had a few moments of piece. Once the tour management got back to this place, this... moment would have to end.

"We did it boys," Liam says. "Tour number three has been and gone."

Louis grunts and sits up a bit. "I wouldn't have expected the crowd to be so sad in a way," he says. "I didn't expect them to be so... supportive. We've been going through so many rough patches lately I just... I can't believe they're sticking around. Did you see the pink-haired girl's sign?"

"Stay forever young, what happened to the boys on the stairs?" Zayn remembers. "That was incredible. What has happened to u-"

"Boys, off the floor!" The voice shouts. They look behind them to see _her_ standing there, looking somewhat less official in sweats and a jacket. "You're all adults now, you should know monkey business isn't appropriate. How many years have you been with us?"

The five of them are internally screaming as they get up off of their backs, out of the few minutes of peace they'd had. Louis is the first to break. "Four fucking years. Four horrible years." That's all he dare say.

"And why exactly is this horrible? Without us, where would you be?" Felicite is grumbling. Her voice is sharp as a tack, and even behind her darkly shaded glasses the boys can see her aggravated expression.

"Out of the closet," Harry mumbles, shifting closer to Louis. The boys begin to chuckle; Felicite must've not heard the clever remark.

"What was that?"

"Never mind."

"Thought so," Felicite says, looking down at the clipboard she's holding and then up at the boys. "Those platform doors are still open, if I were you, I'd drop the link," she says quietly, noticing Harry and Louis' little touch. They let go and immediately regret it. Harry wraps his hands behind his back and clasps his hands.

It's silent for a few minutes before Harry startles everyone. He jumps back, roaring something a bit crude, taking the nearest package of paper and raising it above his head, forcing it down to the floor and watching the papers collect under his feet. He kicks a few around, getting the attention of the band, Felicite, and Paul, who's just recently shown up.

"I'm sick of everything!" He yells, whipping around. "Just let us be what we want! The fans will stay! Every last bit of them! What are you so damn worried about?!"

"Harry-" Louis starts, reaching out and trying to grab his arms which are flailing around his figure. Harry jumps out of his reach though.

"Please," Harry says. The tears are stinging at his eyes. Why do they have to keep hiding after four years?

"Harry, you know not every one of them will stay," Niall tells him. His voice is calm, but Harry's upset and nothing can calm him down. Louis is usually the only one that can stop his rage, but not this time. He flinched away.

"Fuck your opinion!" Harry says, shaking a finger at Niall, moving closer to him.  "The ones who love us will stay! What about the shippers?"

"The shippers w-will stay," Liam stutters. "It's just the younger ones that-"

"If they're young they shouldn't... they don't understand, it's their parents' faults for raising them like that! What about me? And Louis? What about us? Hmm? How did we turn out?" Harry is trying so hard to make a point, but he can't seem to find the right words. Please. Anything.

"Harry..." Zayn tries. He doesn't say anything else with the look he gets. Louis moves forward and takes his arms by the elbows, turning him around to face him. He looks up at the boy whose eyes have turned a darker shade of emerald. "Harry, please, calm down. It's alright love. Alright?"

Harry looks down at the older boy with watery eyes. "No," he whispers.

Louis' protective side starts to kick in. He won't keep letting their management hurt his Harry. "Leave us alone," Louis says coldly to Felicite standing behind them. He lets Harry take him in his arms and bury his face in the crook between his shoulder and his neck. Louis rubs Harry's sweaty curls flat against his head and keeps whispering sweet things into the crying boy's ear. His heart is pounding with anger. No. This little pre-fury was going to lead to another fight between him, Harry, Niall, Zayn, Liam, Eleanor and their management. It wasn't fair. When would they get that they really are adults? That they can make decisions for themselves, that they can do what they please? When will they really live up to the "you are grown-ups" saying they always use against them?

Zayn, Liam and Niall start to turn back for the dressing rooms as Felicite leaves the room. Harry had dried it up a little bit, but not completely. Louis sighs, closing his eyes and breathing in Harry. "Please calm down love," he murmurs.

"I am calm," Harry objects, pulling away to look at Louis. His eyes are puffy and glistening with tears, but Louis knows better than to question it. "Alright," Louis says, taking Harry's hand and following the other three further backstage.

Niall is crashed down on the couch when Harry and Louis get into the room, watching the pre-recorded footie match from the night before. "You're missing it," he says flatly, glancing over at them. "Doncaster keeps missing the goal by a few feet. Maybe it's because you're not there, Lou."

Louis snorts, letting Harry go and grabbing a water out of the mini fridge. "I doubt it. They've been doing pretty bad recently. Upsets me, to be honest. Went from big titles to none in a matter of months, and I don't know why. They've just been slacking."

Niall nods and leaves Louis alone, gluing his eyes to the television screen again. Zayn is staring sitting in a chair in front of the makeup counter, texting who could only be Perrie. Liam is standing next to Zayn, looking at himself in the mirror and frowning. 

"Why the sad face?" Louis asks. He frowns too, taking a swig of his water and tossing it across the floor. He watches Harry mess with his fingers, standing hunchback in front of the door as he waits for Liam's reply.

"You guys."

That gets the attention of everybody in the band. "What?" Zayn asks, setting his phone down beside him and straightening out. Harry's eyebrows are knitted together in a frown, Niall has turned off the footie game, and Louis is looking at him with disbelief.

"You heard me. You guys can't keep doing this to them," Liam continues.

"What to who?! Management?!" Louis cries. Liam only has time to nod and open his mouth before Louis has gone into rampage mode.

"What?! _Us_ , doing things to _them?_ What's that supposed to mean, don't you see... haven't you realized what Harry and I have put up with for four _years?_ " he shouts. He doesn't care if anybody hears him. This is all something utterly unbelievable. "Liam?" Louis asks again.

The room is silent. The tension, anger, fear, and depression is swirling around the room, engulfing the minds of everything it reaches. Harry has looked back down at his hands and is playing with his fingers again. Louis moves over to him and smacks his hand down. "Quit that," Louis hisses. "It's annoying."

Harry looks at him like a child. Nobody else is watching, Liam's created a distraction. "I'm sorry," Harry mumbles.

Louis sighs without opening his mouth and forces a half-smile. Harry reflects it, but barely. He bends down and kisses Louis' cheek before they're both focused on Liam again.

"Liam, what do you mean?" Niall asks from the sofa.

Liam turns around to face everybody. "I mean they're trying to help us. They're trying to get us to the top of the charts, and make us appealing, and-"

"Wait, hold up! Is being in love with another guy unattractive?" Louis shouts.

"To females, most of them, because they don't think they have a chance if none of us will even be interested in them. Well, you two anyway." Liam is shaking his head, shuffling his feet, trying to shift his eye contact with everybody in the room. "Stop glaring at me," he finally requests.

Zayn picks his phone back up and silently begins to talk to Perrie again. Niall turns around, turning on the footie match, picking it back up. Harry walks over to the fridge and pulls out a water, curling up in the corner. When Louis tries to sit down next to him, he presses himself against the wall closer. It makes Louis feel like this is all his fault, but it's really not. Harry's just trying to cool down after his meltdown.

"Please tell me what you mean, eventually Liam. Because what you're saying makes absolutely no fucking sense. All management has done to us is turn us into pap's-image boy banders." Louis begs.

Liam turns to him once more over his shoulder. "I'm not going to dwell on that subject anymore, Louis Tomlinson."

**~**

**I got an account to upload this fic here, it's not complete yet so I'm just going to keep updating. ^.^ Let me know if you like it, follow this fic at letterstolondonfic.tumblr.com and my actual blog is inkinglarry.tumblr.com so go follow! Thank you xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

It had been a few weeks since the great dressing room feud. The five had all stopped talking for a few days, only acting friendly and fine when they were going out places or having interviews. The fans didn’t really seem to notice, though they had every other time, and this was the worst fight yet.

Louis and Liam hadn’t calmed down at all. They were still angry at each other for their different opinions on their management. Liam had gotten so furious he’d actually started a Louis/Harry rumour on his fan Twitter, which had some 30k followers on it, ending up with a walk through central London holding hands for Louis and Eleanor. In that time, Harry had made sure to rage on about his hatred of Liam to Niall and Zayn.

The time was about 1:30 in the afternoon, the Saturday four weeks after the last concert, that Harry and Louis’ doorbell rang.

"I’ve got it!" Harry cries, jumping down the flat’s staircase and running to the door. He looks through the peephole and frowns, swinging the door open.

"Why’d you have to ring?" Harry asks, facing a messy-haired Niall. He’d left his hair untouched since the beginning of the tour, so by now it was completely brown and nearly as thick as Harry’s 2012 curls. He is dressed in sweats, with a "Free Hugs" T-shirt stretched across his torso. He looks up at Harry with sad eyes, which made the boy worry.

"Well, I didn’t know what you two would be up to in the afternoon," Niall replied, stepping past Harry into the living room. "I didn’t know if you guys would even want me in here."

Niall flops onto the sofa and looks behind him at Harry. “Are you alright?”

Harry takes a moment to collect his thoughts before swallowing thickly and nodding. “Niall… why would you think we wouldn’t want you in our flat?”

At that moment, Louis comes leaping down the stairs. When he sees the two boys’ expressions, he feels a lump in his stomach start to weigh him down.

"What?" Louis croaks. He cautiously makes his way into the sitting room, taking a seat opposite Niall. "Is everything alright?"

Niall sighs and desperately waves his hands around. “We’re falling apart,” he managed to get out. “You two, Liam, Zayn and I… we’re just not the same pack of five we used to be.”

"Well what am I supposed to do about that? It’s not my fault Liam is being a dick!" Louis calls out. He looks over at Niall with cold eyes. All he came here to do was start trouble.

Niall turns out of Louis’ gaze, making him feel guilty. Louis scoots over to him, wrapping his arms around him. Harry turns to the two of them and sits next to them, pressing himself up against Louis, folding them together like a sandwich. “What’s up with Zayn?”

Niall shrugs. “He’s been so busy with Perrie, and now that’s she’s pregnant… they move so fast. It was just marriage, now it’s baby. I hope they slow it down, but I know a kid’s hard. It’s just, he’s spending so much time with her that he’s drifting away from us. There’s been such little paparazzi spottings that the press doesn’t have news and they’re getting their trousers all up in a knot.”

"Last time he tweeted was about the pregnancy two weeks ago," Harry adds.

Louis knew it wasn’t his fault about Zayn, but he still felt guilty. “You’re not leaving us though,” Louis mumbles.

Niall laughs. It wasn’t his cheery laugh, but his sarcastic. “I haven’t hung out with you guys since the last interview! I hardly know you two!” He yells. He pounces up from his seat, taking the bottom of his shirt and wiping his eyes with it. “I don’t want to disappoint the fans. I don’t want us to break up.”

"Niall…" Louis whispers, leaving Harry alone on the sofa as he gets up to face the boy. "I… we promise it won’t happen, okay? We’ll fix One Direction."

"Who’s we?"

"Harry and I," Louis answers, looking behind him for Harry’s input. Harry just nods. "Since we still get along we’ll patch up our friendships," Harry tells him. Niall looks over Louis’ shoulder, which isn’t hard, considering Louis had stopped growing any taller a while ago. "Promise?" Niall whimpers.

"Sure thing Ni," Harry says with a kind smile, getting up and patting him on the shoulder. Louis looks up at Harry, standing beside him, and smiles. It was barely visible, but it was there before he turns back forward. "Niall, this band isn’t going to be going anywhere for a while."

Niall’s shoulders finally let loose, dropping to his normal stance. “Alright. I guess I should be going then…?” he says, pointing to the door.

Harry shrugs. “Stay if you want, we didn’t have anything planned.”

Niall’s smile lit up again, stretching across his face as he jumps around the room. “I feel like we’re back the way we were!” He cries, before stopping and frowning. “Except there’s still… someone… some others… missing.”

Louis sighs. “We’ll get them back too. One way or another.”

~

It didn’t look like they’d be getting Liam and Zayn back at all. Zayn still didn’t answer any texts or calls he got, which surprised Louis- why wouldn’t he want to talk to him? Louis had also tried apologizing to Liam, but that ended up in an argument about who’s opinion was still right. He didn’t want anything to do with Liam until he apologized for being so stubborn.

So, Louis’ only choice was trying to get Zayn back to them while Harry worked on Liam.

Louis left for Zayn’s flat Wednesday night, letting him know via text he was coming over. No reply. There still wasn’t a reply when Louis pulls up to his flat, gets out of his car, and is knocking on the front door. He hopes Zayn or Perrie or somebody will come to get him out of this November frost.

It is a few minutes, shivering in the cold, before the door opens a tiny bit, enough to let a beam of light shine across the stone ground. “Louis?” Zayn asks.

"Please let me in," Louis whines. 

Zayn’s face is blank for a few seconds before the door swings open and Louis rushes inside. It was warm, warmer than his and Harry’s flat was. He rubs his hands together and looks around. He doesn’t think the place has changed much since the last time he was here, but something about it still feels…

"Perrie!" Louis spits out. He turns to Zayn, who’s shutting the front door. "Where is she? I never got to congratulate her!"

Zayn sighs, turning off towards the kitchen. Louis follows behind him, his head swiveling around on his neck to take in the details of Zayn’s flat.

Zayn lounges into the kitchen, throwing himself into a stool. “I’m actually really glad you showed up today,” he says.

"Why’s that?"

"Perrie is staying with her parents for the week. She hasn’t told me why, but I hope she’s not sick of me." Zayn takes a cookie off the plate on the counter and nibbles on the end of it. "It gets kind of lonely around here by myself. I was going to call up you and Harry and invite you guys over, but I don’t know."

Louis furrows his eyebrows. “You’ve been getting my texts and calls? Why haven’t you been replying?”

Zayn laughs and gets up off the bar stool, walking over to the last set of drawers in the left of the kitchen and pulling his phone out of somewhere. Louis immediately notices the crack down the middle of it with the water seeping through. “Funny story actually.”

"What’d you do to your phone?!" Louis cries, jumping up and skidding over to him.

"Dropped it in the toilet. Cracked on the bowl," Zayn explains, opening a drawer and tossing the phone back inside. "I never felt like getting up and going over to your flat to tell you. Just thought ‘he’s probably not even interested in me.’ So… I just didn’t tell you. How’s it been?"

Louis shrugs. “I didn’t come here without a purpose.”

Zayn looks over at Louis, placing a hand onto his shoulder. “What’s up?”

"Zayn, we need to patch up this band before the last stitches fall out. Our three year warranty is running short. We need to pick ourselves back up." Louis turns, taking a seat in one of the bar stools. "The paps are upset because they haven’t seen you or Perrie, Niall came over to the flat Saturday crying because he thought we’d fallen apart, Liam is still being a dick and Harry’s the only one I still talk to anymore. Isn’t that even a little bit sad?"

"I thought you guys were cool! I thought we were all okay! What’s going on now?" He runs a hand through his un-brushed hair, as he’s picking up the cookie he’s left on the counter and nibbling at it again. 

"No, I tried to apologize. He didn’t really take it… now we’re just arguing again." Louis looks down at his hands, which are folded in his lap. "I kind of still think I’m right. I don’t think Liam should be showing any sympathy for our management. I still don’t get why he thinks they’re not hurting us! Remember when we won that Brit Award back in 2012, and Liam said a thanks to everyone at Modest, and I was just… bewildered? And the fans got onto that, the shippers, and Liam and I fought for a while, and then we were all good? Now he’s gone and basically said thanking Modest was his way of saying ‘thank you for doing what you’re doing, and thank you for putting Louis and Harry through hell, keep up the work!’ Do _you_ think that’s okay?” By the time he’s finished, he’s pacing around the kitchen and tracing his lips with his fingertips. “I don’t see what he thinks is so great about them.”

Zayn sighs with a shrug and stands up, trying to chase behind Louis, who is walking back and forth across the tile of Zayn’s kitchen so fast that Zayn can’t catch up to him without jogging. “I’m sure he’s got some crazy reason why he thinks management is doing the right thing, but- Louis, would you slow down, you’re leaving skid marks in my kitchen,” he says, nearly running into the back of Louis when he comes to a stop.

"We’ll get Liam back, alright? Harry will, isn’t he at Liam’s right now?"

Louis shrugs. “He should be.”

"Alright then," Zayn schmoozes, coming around to the front of Louis and placing both his hands on his shoulders. "It’s all up to how Harry can talk to him, and don’t worry- that boy’s heart is so big and warm I’m sure Liam won’t be able to turn him down."

~

Harry didn’t look like he was going to be patching up any band relationships as good as new any time soon.

He knew from the minute he pulled up to Liam’s deadly silent flat, and got out to the sound of police sirens going off somewhere in central London, that the visit wasn’t going to be good.

"Here goes everything I’ve got," Harry mutters under his breath as he approaches the front of the house and knocks on the door.

It opens to a red-faced Liam, who’s staring at Harry like he’s some beast who’s come knocking at his door. “If you’re here to yell at me, I don’t want you-“

"I’m not going to be talking about Louis. I just… let me in."

Liam stares at him for a few hard seconds before stepping aside. Harry jumps in, shaking off his thick winter coat and shivering from the sudden temperature change. “Isn’t it hot in here?”

Liam shrugs, heading back over the sofa and jumping over the back of it. “You get used to it when you’re alone.”

Harry’s cheeks flush into a deep scarlet color. He knows Liam’s remark is directed at him and Louis’ cuddling habits. “Liam, this isn’t about… I just need to talk to you about everything that’s going on with this band and how it needs to be fixed before it gets bad.”

"Like it’s not already bad?" Liam raises the remote to eye level, turning the telly off and dropping the remote beside him. He raised up to his feet, facing Harry. "If you’ve come here to talk about how ‘wrong’ I am, I’ve already asked you to leave."

Harry sighs, rubbing his hands down his cheeks. “Louis just doesn’t understand,” he starts, shaking his curls and sweeping them back into place, “he just doesn’t see why you think management is doing the right thing.”

"Well, maybe if he hadn’t developed some kind of hatred to them in the first place, he’d be able to see they’re just doing this to keep us up and running. If you two acted in the name of love we wouldn’t be where we are." Liam turns on his heels, staring at the painting of some floral design on the wall.

"I see that, okay?" Harry whispers, clearing his throat. He’s a bit hurt by Liam’s way of addressing them, but this isn’t the time to make him aware of it. "I… he just doesn’t… it’s been four years of being in pain from being who we are and Louis just wants to be free of that."

"Guess what I want to be free of? This! I just want to have.. I just want to have a normal life, I want to be the regular X-Factor band we were before, before you guys went and decided to fuck in the bathroom and I walked in and caught you! Remember that? Remember that day, that day when you basically announced you two were dating? I wasn’t okay with that! I knew there’d be consequences! I knew just because of that whole relationship, you’d put the band in trouble!" Liam is yelling by the time he’s finished, and Harry’s grown impatient. How can he be yelling at a time like this?

"Why don’t you see that we want this more than anything, for the fans to know who we really are? Liam, please! _Please!_ Why can’t you see how much it hurts us? How much… how much this hurts me,” Harry’s voice cracks on the last line of what he’s said.

Silence.

"Li-"

"No." Liam’s answer is piercing, cutting through the air and shooting into Harry’s ears like bombs. "No."

Harry sighs. “Please.”

Silence.

"Harry, I’ll give you two minutes to convince me to give you and Louis another chance. I want to see if you can prove to me whatever reason you have is going to make management treat us with respect. If you can’t, just please get out of my flat. I don’t want this to get out of hand." Liam takes a seat on the sofa, looking behind him at Harry. "Now."

Harry gulps. The wording of whatever he says for the next two minutes can decide if One Direction is going to be sticking around.

He tries to form words in his head, but it’s like his train of thought has just crashed into a pole and they’re trying to organize the train carts again. But the pieces are smashed and there’s not a way to fit them back together.

He can’t do it.

"Thanks for putting up with us for four years," Harry says. His voice is fragile, brittle, and most nearly broken. "Thanks for doing what you’ve done for this band."

Liam stands up with a shocked look on his face. “Where are you going?”

Harry picks up his coat, pulling it over his shoulders. “Home.”

"Why?"

"I can’t convince you."

"Can’t you try?"

"No."

Liam looks at the boy he’s known for four years now. He recalls the first time he ever laid eyes on him- curly chocolate locks, grass green eyes, throwing his head back in a laugh. He was listening to Niall’s jokes the first time Liam saw him. “Harry…”

Harry’s almost out the door, but stops at the sound of Liam’s voice. “What?”

"Thank you."

Harry looks at him with sad eyes. God, he can’t seriously be leaving any chance of cleaning up the band’s problems. The boys were depending on _him_. He only manages to say two words, though.

"You’re welcome."

His mind is screaming two million more.

**~**

**Hello :) xx this chapter is just a lot of talking, and I’m sorry it’s some 2.7k words, this turned out to be a lot longer! This is a small cliff hanger, but the next chapter is going to be kind of dramatic and a bit shorter. I hope this is keeping you guys hooked. Much love to you all!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

"Race you there!" Louis cries, jumping down the stairs two at a time. Harry chases behind him in a tangle of long limbs and curls, tripping over his own feet and nearly falling down the stairs. Louis dashes through the flat, pulling on his pair of Vans, watching Harry closely. "Don’t trip over your own feet! How uncoordinated can you be, Haz?"

Louis gets the last shoe on as Harry is rounding the corner, scampering for the door.

"Ahh! Nope!" Louis giggles, blocking the doorway.

"Let me out Lou!"

Louis sighs. “Well, I suppose….” he turns around and swings open the door, hearing it whack against the brick wall. He makes a run for his car with a laugh.

"You got me there," Harry says as he climbs into the driver’s seat. Louis has already settled himself in the passenger’s side, which only means he’s not driving for anything. "I know I did," Louis chirps. "Could’ve gone faster if you could run properly."

Harry can’t help but laugh as he puts the key in the ignition. He takes Louis’ hand over the console, brushing his thumb across Louis’ delicate knuckles. Even after four years, he still can’t get used to the feel of small, smooth skin wrapped in his.

"Just drive, fool. I’m not prepared for today and if you keep sitting here it gives me more time to panic," Louis whines. He sits up in his seat as Harry pulls out of the driveway, heading for the studio to warm up for their interview and performance today.

This only means the two of them will be face-to-face with the disapproving Liam, accompanied with Zayn and Niall. Their original plan was to annoy the fuck out of management today, but then they decided not to. There’s no reason to mess up everything they still have left before the show.

It’s a few quiet moments before Louis speaks up. “Harry?”

"Hm?"

"What if they don’t… what if Liam still hasn’t forgiven me?" Louis squeaks. He looks over at Harry with sad eyes, even though Harry is glued to the road. "What if he doesn’t want to deal with us? Harry?"

Harry sighs and squeezes his hand. “Then it’s his problem and not ours.”

Louis frowns. “It would be all of our problems, Harry.”

"We’re just going to have to wait and see then, hmm?" Harry chimes. He flashes a cheeky smile over at Louis, showing off his dimples as they come to a stoplight. Louis’ shoulders relax, and he melts into the curve of his seat. "Okay."

~

The studio is dark and casts shadows across the parking lot when Harry and Louis pull up to it. The dark, purplish-tinted clouds above don’t do anything but make the day seem gloomy.

A small group of fans are waiting outside the doors to the studio, despite the ugly weather, blocked off by a few security guards. Harry holds Louis’ hand tightly, knowing that the fans can’t see them from here. They’re parked fairly close to the mob, but the window tint is too dark to see through.

Harry can feel Louis shaking. He looks over at him with a worried look, to see him trembling pretty noticeably. “What’s wrong babe?”

"I don’t w-want to let go."

Both of their eyes flick down to the connection they still have over the console. Just once. Just once, they must show how much pain they’ve been forced into. Please, just this once.

"Babe, please stop shaking. I won’t let you go," Harry whispers.

"But what about-"

Harry has already let go of Louis’ hand though, and he’s climbing out of the car. He’s greeted by fifty or so screams, half of those his and Louis’ names. He looks behind him at the small, older boy hovering in his seat. “C’mon,” he says.

Louis gulps down the nervousness in his throat and climbs over the console, popping out of the car on the same side Harry did. He shuts the door behind him and presses into Harry’s arm.

Harry catches one of the guard’s eyes. “No cameras,” he mouths to him. He guesses the security guard understood, because in a matter of seconds he’s told the others and the fans are putting their phones away with worried expressions.

Harry takes in a breath and finds Louis’ hand, winding his fingers between his. He squeezes it gently before dropping his head down and walking towards the mob.

Screams and shouts are all the pair hear when the fans finally see the hand-holding going on between the two. “Look!” is being yelled first, before their hearts are either sabotaged with supportive cries or cold questions.

"We’ve been supporting Larry since 2010, we love you, we’re so proud of you!"

"We knew it all along!"

"LARRY STYLINSON!"

Louis smiles at these, knowing he’s done the right thing. He loves the fact these fans are so caring and loving, how they’re supporting them. Yes. The fans don’t care. Harry was right; they don’t have to hide.

There’s two things that are pissing him off, though. Louis keeps his head down, but he can catch a few smaller girls being led off by their parents.  They’re shooting looks of disgust at them, their children looking back in tears.

And then there’s the fans who fell for Louis and Eleanor.

"What about Eleanor?!"

"LOUIS! NO!"

"LOUIS LOVES ELEANOR THOUGH!"

"Fuck off Harry, Louis is straight!"

Louis can’t even get to the door without losing it. He looks up at the fans on both sides of him, pulling Harry to a stop. He looks over at Louis, with fear scratched through his eyes. “Don’t, the fans have cameras.”

And it’s true, the fans have pulled their phones back out of their pockets. It’s no use now; they already see. The whole fanbase will see.

Louis’ facial features are scrunched up in anger. “Fuck off,” he spits. The crowd looses a little bit of its volume before the fans aren’t even directing their words to them anymore. The fans have grown angry at each other. They’re screaming their fucking heads off at  _each other._

No. What have they done?

Harry shakes his head and tugs on Louis’ hand, pulling him into the privacy of the studio.

~

Only a few seconds alone, walking through the halls of the building holding hands, are granted to them before they round the corner into a people-filled room.

Zayn and Niall are play-fighting on the couch, and Liam is buried in a mass of blankets on a bean bag chair, looking down at his phone and singing under his breath. When Louis and Harry walk into the room, he looks up.

"Took you long enough," he grumbles. Louis feels cornered and drops Harry’s hand. "I’m s-"

"What is this?!" Liam cries suddenly, brandishing his phone out to them. Zayn and Niall look up from the position they’re in. Liam stands up, stomping over to Louis and Harry.

Liam’s phone is modeling a fan’s tweet, with three words in bold- “Harry”, “Louis” and “studio.” Harry takes the phone from Liam’s trembling hands, letting Louis read the tweet next to him. Liam was searching for any news about the arrival of the two to the studio; he’s found it.

**KM** _@InkingStylinson_  LOUIS & HARRY WERE OUTSIDE THE STUDIO JUST NOW HOLDING HANDS OH MY GOD I CANT BREATHE ORUGORKE

Harry shook his head vigorously. “No, that didn’t happen.”

Liam snatches the phone back. “Why would you think that’s a good idea? Do you know how many tweets I’m getting? TOO MANY! All asking me if this rumour is true, and I can’t say yes or no! Harry! Tell me the truth!”

"It’s true," Louis hisses. He whips past Liam, knocking his shoulder out of the way. "Fuck it!" he shouts, kicking a Chinese food box from their last visit around.

"Fuck everything, you know?!" Liam adds. His head is spinning. These two are ruining the band.

Louis whips back around to face him. “I swear to fucking god Liam Payne-“

"No!" Zayn yells, jumping over the couch and bolting towards Louis. He holds his shoulders back. "Louis, calm down," he pleads, but Louis throws his hands off.

"I’m sick of this!" Louis shouts, making sure he was staring hard at Liam. Liam stared back, his eyes cold and full of hatred. "I don’t like to fucking hide anymore, and all I do is hold Harry’s hand in the name of love for fifty  _SUPPORTIVE_  fans and you go off on me! I don’t…. I don’t want to be in a fucking band with you if you’re going to keep going off on me for showing that I love someone that’s not Eleanor Calder!”

Niall is standing up now, inching closer to them. The four of them, Liam, Louis, Zayn and Harry, are standing fairly close to each other in a broken oval. Niall walks closer, completing the oval, just in time to watch Liam spit something back.

"What are you saying?!"

"I’M SAYING I DON’T WANT TO ME IN A BAND. I DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR YOU ANYMORE!" Louis roars. His fists are balled at his sides, and his eyes are darkening in colour. Seeing all the warning signs, Harry starts shaking his head. He reaches out for Louis, but Louis jumps away. "Louis…" Harry tries.

"Shut up Harry!" Louis shouts. Harry wilts into his hunchback formation with his head down.

His rage casts a tense silence over the five of them. Niall chews nervously on his nails as tears collect in his eyes. “Please, no,” he whispers.

Louis looks over at him with a broken expression, but he’s still so angry and Liam, that he doesn’t care about Niall’s feelings.

"You can’t… you can’t kick me out," Liam says. His voice cracks with uncertainty, and his tone is quieter. Desperate.

Harry’s eyes shift between Liam and Louis’. “I don’t… no, Louis.”

"I think…" Zayn starts.

Everybody is too scared about what the only option left is to say it. Nobody wants to.

The rage is starting to boil in his flesh again. He doesn’t want to just stand around and wait for someone to say it. So he does. ”One Direction… is… no more then,” Liam says sternly.

Liam turns on his heels swiftly, collecting his jacket off of the floor and walking out of the door. The four left look around at each other. Liam is no longer with them. One Direction is no longer a name they carry around on their shoulders. It’s all over.

Zayn coughs, looking down at his feet. They all look at him nervously. “I guess I should be going too, then,” he mumbles. He looks up, met by three faces on the verge of breaking. He takes in a breath and lets it out with a nod.

Zayn turns and walks out the door as well, his hands tucked in his pockets. The three left hear him suppress a cry through their silence.

Niall’s face is wet and red. He’s already crying. “This is exactly what I knew was gonna happen,” he croaks. He takes his shirt in his fist and dabs at his puffed eyes. “I’m sorry,” he lets out.

He chokes on his own spit as he grabs his phone off the couch and runs out the door. That leaves Louis and Harry.

Harry’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. He looks at Louis with sad eyes. Louis reaches out for him, reaches for a hug or some comforting touch, but Harry shakes his head. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns away, slowly walking out of the room, leaving Louis alone.

Louis stands for a moment, unfazed. He looks around at the studio he’s come to know the four that just walked out the door in. He looks down at the floor, up at the ceiling, through the glass that conceals the five stools with microphones and headphones. He tries to breathe, but instead, chokes.

He folds into a ball on the floor, trembling with so many emotions running around his head. His eyes fill with tears and he coughs, letting all his guilt run down his cheeks. He heaves and cries for a few moments, wetting his knees with tears as he shakes. It’s all his fault. Harry is upset with him. He’s all alone. Everybody is mad at him. Nobody wants to comfort him. He’s fucked this all up.

Memories start flooding his head. Standing on that blue stage infront of the judges’ panel, hearing Simon announce they were in a group. God, that day… that day was the start of it all. This day is the end of it all.

He looks up, looks around the studio again. His legs flatten out across the ground. His finger taps on the wood as more tears silently pour down his face.

Screwing Viva la Vida up and thinking it was the end of their journey.

Placing third.

Releasing their first single.

Going on their first tour.

Collecting their fanbase.

Second album. Second tour.

Doing charity work in Ghana.

Third album. Third tour.

"Forever young," he sings quietly. He can’t even get to the next line, or even through the one he’s singing, without choking and sputtering on his tears. "I wanna be forever young… again."

**~**

**i cried writing this and yeah maybe its not so emotional but it was really hard to write without breaking down and screaming “NO THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING” but it’s just a fanfic! next chapter is going to be calmer so hope you’re still interested :) much love to all of you! xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Louis’ heart hurts. It feels like it had been ripped out of his chest, pulled up through his throat and modeled for the world to see. There are pieces missing that he could never get back, because the ones he’d spent his entire career working with were gone, gone with his trust.

He can’t ever forget what he had done to ruin three friendships and one relationship in one night. It would always be a part of him, etched into his name, burned into his soul. He wishes, so much, that he could only turn back time….

He can’t anymore. Those five words carefully stringed together aren’t something he’s familiar with anymore. They’re growing so distant.

He can’t mope around in the studio for eternity. This studio isn’t even his anymore, it’s some property he’s nestled himself so deep inside of. He knows when he leaves, the studio is left as a bare and empty wasteland. He doesn’t want this to be anybody else’s. No, this is his and boys’ studio. Somebody else can’t claim it. It is his. He won’t give up music. This studio will always be his. He will preserve the memories.

The only problem facing him now… well, there’s three. How to break it to the fans, how to deal with this interview they have scheduled, and what to do with the rest of his life. He doesn’t know which of the options sounds the most painful.

They’ll have to break it to the fans in the interview. If there will be a “they.” Maybe Louis is the only one who is still planning to attend. They won’t even have to perform a concert, sing a song, act all happy- they’ll sit on some couch and shatter the hearts of 30 million fans.

If only it was as easy as it sounds.

~

Liam gets to his door back home when his phone starts ringing. He picks it up and looks at the caller ID- management. He answers it hesitantly, knowing the line will be angry because he’s late to rehearsals. Maybe they’ll realize something.

"Where are you?! You’re on in half an hour!" The voice is Felicite’s, and it’s a lot colder than it should be.

"Home," Liam spits back. He rips his keys out of his pocket, plugging them in the door handle and shoving the door open with his shoulder. 

"Why?! You need to be at the studio! SHARP!" Felicite is practically screaming. "We don’t have any time to waste! Louis in the only one here, and he seems upset, but I don’t-"

"Louis can be the only one there for all I care, there’s no ‘One Direction’ anymore." His words are flat, monotone notes; in his mind, that’s the best he has to offer. He doesn’t want to put much effort into his words anymore. He’s given up the best thing he’s ever needed in his life. He regrets ever disagreeing with Louis. He loves Louis. He loves Zayn, and Niall, and Harry; but he hates himself. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive himself.

Felicite is silent for a few moments before she coughs and speaks. “And how, exactly, did this happen?”

Liam shrugs. He pins his phone between his shoulder and his ear, taking off his shoes. “We got into a fight and so we broke things off.”

"No, no- you’re bound to a four year contract," Felicite says desperately. The words pour out of her mouth, bouncing off her tongue. "You can’t just… break up!"

"Our signatures on paper mean nothing anymore, Fellie," Liam sighs. "I don’t want to be in a band with them anymore and they agreed, so we left the studio."

"Why did this fight start _now_ of all days?” she asks. “Couldn’t you five have held off another day or so?”

"I could’ve if Louis and Harry didn’t decide to come out," Liam spits. The anger is boiling in his skin again.

Felicite doesn’t speak again. It takes her a while to come back to reality. “What do you mean?” She squeaks.

Liam tries to collect his thoughts. He can’t comprehend anything of the jumbled mess of thoughts. “They… they were holding hands in plain sight in front of a mob when they came into the studio. There were cameras, videos, update accounts there. Basically, the fandom knows by now.”

"Shit," Felicite mutters under her breath. "What do we do with this interview now?"

Liam sits and thinks for a moment. “I guess I’ll come back. We’re not performing. Get the other three and let’s cut this off now.”

Felicite doesn’t say anything back for a few minutes. “Drive straight to the news studio though, okay? Don’t waste time meeting at the rehearsal building.” There’s brief shuffling on her line. “Just hurry though, okay?”

Liam sighs and rubs the dread from his eyes. “Alright.”

~

It’s not exactly spoken why their management takes the break up so well, but it’s obvious. They won’t have to worry about Harry and Louis interacting anymore to maintain the market, since there is no market left.

All five of the boys get to the studio with 10 minutes to spare, rushed inside by the people of Chattyman and immediately being fixed up. The backstage studio managers are upset with their timing, but after explaining why, they shut up. There’s no telling what will happen once they’re out there on that stage. Everybody just hopes it’ll go alright.

The boys don’t even speak to each other, even when they’re lined up waiting for the queue to come onstage. Louis looks up at Harry, studying his features. He looks so depressed. Louis inches closer to him, elbowing his arm gently. Harry looks down at him with a frown. He sighs and takes Louis’ hand, knowing it doesn’t matter if they go out on that stage hand-in-hand anymore. He’s still upset because he feels like he’s betrayed Louis, but none of it is his fault. He squeezes Louis’ tiny hand in his, playing with his fingers. He knows it calms him down, and within seconds he’s relaxed.

"You’re up in twenty," a stage director says. Her shirt has "CREW" written across the back, and her hair is pulled up into a bun. "Sorry this has to end this way," she whispers.

Niall looks over at her. “Don’t make me go out there with tear-stained eyes.”

The girl apologizes and walks off somewhere else. Niall sniffles a little bit. The band knows he’s taking this the hardest of them all. He has nothing left anymore.

The rumble of applause from the stage is heard behind the door frame. The show is starting.

"In ten," someone shouts.

Soon, it’s five.

And then, “go!”

The five don’t even try to pull off a smile. There’s no use. They go out onto the stage with blank, mournful expressions on their faces. Louis and Harry are hand in hand, Harry leading. They cramp onto the large couch, settling down. They don’t like being pressed together, but they’re still a band in everybody’s eyes.

Alan Carr stands up and applauds them, listening to the fans in the crowd scream; he notices Louis and Harry, but that moment isn’t the right time to ask. Once they’ve all settled in he sighs.

"I don’t even have time for introductions- so what is this… Louis? Harry?" He asks. 

Louis cuddles into Harry’s side, squeezing his hand tightly. Harry takes in a breath and thinks for a moment. “Uh, well…” he starts. He clears his throat and shrugs. “It’s been what, four years now? And the fans were getting really suspicious and everything, and they had known all this time, and so we decided to just… yeah. This is the day! We’re dating.”

The crowd goes wild. The five are surprised not a single one of them is upset; even the people not there for the boys are applauding. “Thank you so much,” Louis whispers under his breath.

"Well, isn’t this a great start! I don’t even have words to be honest, I mean you guys were always fruity. I mean even I knew it. I’m the all-mighty brain," Alan jokes. It makes the boys chuckle, but they’re not ecstatic. Niall shrugs off the joke, Zayn shakes his head, Liam sits still and Louis and Harry are smiling like idiots. 

The actions don’t go unnoticed.

"As much as I’d like to know everything about you two, what’s up with the rest of you guys? You’re not all happy and cheery, is it me? Aren’t you glad to see me?" Alan is asking.

The boys don’t say anything. Not a single one of them want to break the news. It could be said in three words, but it’s all too painful. Once those words are spoken, it means it’s official. The band is not a band anymore. 

As much as Harry prays to just let it pass and make up, he knows it’s not possible; Liam reads his mind. Being the one to always talk for the band, he makes a decision.

"Well… it’s not exactly easy to say," Liam starts. His voice is cracking like crazy. "Um…"

NIall shifts in his seat and puts his face in his hands. He’s on the verge of tears. No, no more crying. Not in front of the entire fandom. The world. Everybody will want to see this moment; the moment Larry comes out, and the moment the band breaks up. In a matter of 10 minutes.

"Take your time," Alan says with a small smile. Something is off about the boys and he notices. There’s no time for joking around.

Zayn sighs and massages his temples. “We’ve got something to let everyone know.”

"It’s quite unbelievable, actually," Louis whispers.

Alan furrows his eyebrows, but even though he can’t understand what he said, he doesn’t take notice of it. The entire audience is on the edge of their seats. The room is empty and silent for a few moments before Niall says something.

"I’m so sorry," he cries, muffling his sobs with his hands. "We…. we a- aren’t to- toge- together anymore."

It’s like a bomb has went off in the room. Everything is deteriorating in slow motion. The expressions of every person in the crowd is dropping off their faces, like gravity has suddenly gotten stronger. Their lips are being pulled into deep frowns. A fan screams and falls into a ball on the floor. That small voice is all it takes before the rest of the fans are protesting, saying it’s a trick, that they’re lying, that they’re not over. But once you light the fuse on a bomb, you can’t unlight it and take it back. You can’t save it for later.

Alan chokes on the air he’s breathing in. “What?”

Louis and Harry’s heads are hung. They’re still holding each other’s hands, rested between their thighs, but they feel so distant. Harry looks up. His eyes are full of anger and tears threatening to pool out from their places.

"It’s the end of our journey," Liam shakes. His voice is bouncing up and down with his body. The crowd is fussy and loud. Alan Carr is trying to analyze the words being fed to him.

 ”If this is a joke, it’s a really bad one,” he croaks.

Harry looks up at him and shakes his head. “It’s not.”

It’s nearly impossible to describe everything that happens after that. The crowd is melting into an ambush of tears and desperate shouts. Alan is staring at his lap in complete and utter hopelessness. Louis and Harry are hiding their heads in shame, Liam’s fists are clamped shut at his sides, and Niall is shaking violently with the oncoming surge of tears. Zayn is staring off into the crowd. He’s trying to hold back the tears, but he’s sniffling them back up every few seconds.

Alan finally manages to collect himself. “Why did you decide to break it off?” He asks quietly.

Louis looks up at Harry cautiously. He searches his eyes for any sign of life. Harry’s emotion drive is dead; he’s not going to be talking anytime soon. Louis’ spine crawls with panic as he raises their entangled hands above their heads.

"Because of this," he says calmly. "Because Harry and I decided to walk into the studio embracing our true spirits, and it went viral over Twitter. Because Liam is a total dipshi-"

Liam cuts him off with a hiss. “I swear to god Louis Tomlinson, if you don’t shut it right now-“ 

"Please keep this all PG," Alan jokes. However, he slumps back into his chair when he sees nobody thinks it’s funny.

"Long story short, it’s Louis and Harry’s faults we’re out of a career now. That’s all I’m going to be saying," Liam squeaks. He gets up swiftly, turning on his heels for the exit to backstage.

"Wait, where are you going?" Zayn asks him, a concerned look painted on his face.

Liam takes in a breath and waves to the crowd, to the camera crews, and then to the boys. “Home. Goodbye guys,” he says quietly. The cameras might not have even picked it up, but as he’s hidden from view, it’s clear the interview is over.

Alan’s speechless as the crowd is regaining itself. “I…” he stutters. “I guess that’s One Direction minus one, then. Well… what used to be them.”

The rest of the four boys pick themselves up off of the sofa and brush themselves off. Louis lets go of Harry’s hand, much to Harry’s disappointment, and sticks his hands in his pockets. They trudge backstage as the show goes to a commercial break.

It’s probably the last time One Direction will ever be seen together.

**~**

**Next chapter is kicking off into the main plot, so get ready everyone, we're in for a ride. xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

  
**Hiii :) if you read the note at the beginning of Chapter 1 and skipped ahead, this is what's happened so far: the band broke up (and Louis + Harry really don't like Liam because of it), and that's basically it. Enjoy! xx**

**~  
**

**6 MONTHS LATER**

"Louis, put them down. They’re not a toy," Harry giggles. Louis has Harry’s boxer briefs pulled over his head, prancing around him like a lightweight feather. He gracefully pulls to a halt infront of Harry, taking the collar of the boy’s polo and tugging on it gently.

"Sure, but what goes _inside_ of them is a toy. _My_ toy,” Louis breathes. He bites his lip playfully and looks at Harry with a smirk across his lips. “Isn’t it, Harry?”

The younger boy shrugs and shakes his head. “Whatever you want to believe that makes you happy,” he replies casually.

In a matter of seconds, his phone is blasting out the chorus to Chocolate by The 1975. He pulls it out of his back pocket and stares at the name hopefully. His eyes light up as he’s bolting in to the next room. “I need to take this,” he announces.

"Alright love! Don’t keep me waiting!" Louis chirps. He pulls the briefs off the top of his head, discarding them over the back of the sofa. His hands begin smoothing out his fringe as he plops down in front of the telly, turning on the footie match. 

Through the thin walls, Louis can only catch bits and pieces of the conversation; Harry seems to just be listening. He wonders what is so important to him that he had to go in the other room- usually calls are answered with no privacy. Louis laughs at his stupidity- they’ve been together for too long for Harry to be cheating on him.

Harry comes out of the room with a smile lighting up his face, but quickly hides it when he sees Louis. “Just amazing,” He says calmly, taking a seat next to Louis and cuddling up to him.

"Hm?" Louis hums. He wraps an arm around Harry, rubbing his arm up and down.

"Well, uh… can I take you out for dinner tonight?" Harry stammers.

Louis’ heart is racing. He hasn’t had a proper date with Harry since before they started X Factor. He remembers that day, meeting at the little run-down restaurant, their coats pulled up around themselves to conceal their identity. They had both ran out of the city to get away from the chaos at home. They both had that place as their runaway shelter; they had been soul mates since 2008. When they ran into each other on X Factor, it was something extraordinary. Neither one knew what the other was doing; they just knew that this was it. Fate was calling.

Somehow, six years later, Louis is going to get to have another date. Another date with Harry… not Hannah, not Eleanor, not anybody except for Harry. His mind is flooded with the thought of getting to go on a date with Harry for the first time in four years without having to hide, but he remembers.

"But Harry, what about the paps-"

Harry holds a finger up to his lips. “They won’t know we’re going,” Harry whispers. They stare at each other for a few moments, their eyebrows wrinkled up in nervousness, panic, and worry. Louis breathes out onto Harry’s finger as he takes it off his lips, shutting his eyes and trying to think clearly. “But if they do see us… you know.”

And Harry does know. The fact that the band they used to be in split up six months ago, didn’t change anything. Usually when a band breaks up, their management lets them go. But Louis was still so focused on music, have come so far just to let it go, kept writing and performing. He had been working on a solo album since the break up with Harry’s help with vocal cleanup and rhythm. Having still be in the market, he was still papped. The rest of the boys’ publicity had dropped strikingly low after three or so months. They didn’t drop off the face of the earth, they still took fan photos and occasionally got papped; but after a while, magazines didn’t need paparazzi photos of the boys anymore. The photos stopped selling, so they stopped coming. Louis was the only one ever being caught out on the run anymore. Even Harry wasn’t caught a lot.

Meaning… well.

Louis was still bound to a contract with Modest as a solo artist, and even though he wanted to break with them, he had no choice. Also meaning, he still had to follow the rules. Besides, if One Direction was to come back, the image of this boyband still needed to be preserved. So Louis and Harry’s relationship was once again labeled as fake, as just a false reason to break up. Harry cried for days on end. He spent hours waiting for Louis to get home from the studio late at night all boogered up under a blanket. Louis would have to leave Harry in the afternoon on free days to walk around and get papped with Eleanor. It hurt, but he still had no choice. What much left was there?

"I hope we don’t get seen at all," Louis says suddenly, ending his train of thought and the vacant silence that had fell upon them. "I don’t want to spend another hour and a half walking around with El and having to explain in fifty interviews why I went out with only you."

Harry shrugs. “And if it happens, oh well,” he speaks. “I just want this to be a good night, okay? A few paps aren’t going to bother us. The most we have to do is flick them off the entire night so they can’t sell the pictures.”

Louis chuckles. The chuckle rumbles throughout his chest, making his somewhat cooling heart spark up. His heart feels full suddenly. “I love you, did you know?” Louis whispers, leaning up to kiss Harry’s temple.

The younger boy looks the older boy in the eyes. “I knew,” he breathes with a smile.

~

By the time they get to the small restaurant around eight, the streets are buzzing. People are swerving around signs propped up on the sidewalks, dogs are dragging their owners behind them, teenage girls are stopping in the middle of the crowd’s flow to take awkward selfies; everything adds to the mix. Luckily, they get to the restaurant without anybody recognizing them.

They’re seated and waited within minutes, with only minimal looks aimed their way. Harry had reserved a spot in the back of the restaurant to help calm the attention. He looks across the table at Louis with eyes full of adoration.

"Perfect," he whispers as a cheeky grin plays across his face. "All mine."

Louis blushes. “Please Harry, not here,” he whines. Harry’s hands reach out for his under the table but he bats them away quickly. “I’m just trying to prepare the mood,” Harry chuckles, folding his fingers in his lap. “Don’t put me down.”

"For what?" Louis raises an eyebrow.

Once again, his lips are pulled into a smile and two deep dimples devour his cheeks. “I got accepted,” Harry breathes.

Louis leans forward in his seat. “Accepted? Like, into University?” He sputters excitedly.

The boy pulls his lip between his teeth and nods. Louis’ face cracks into a smile, and before he knows it, he’s bouncing in his chair. “God, I’m so happy! Congratulations!” he shrieks. He takes a seat and tries to contain his happiness for Harry. “I’m so happy for you,” he says. “Where to?”

Harry pauses for a few moments, leaving Louis on the edge of his seat. “Spit it out!” Louis cries impatiently.

"Harvard," Harry announces.

Louis’ smile breaks off his lips. Oh. Harvard. He can’t believe the words came out his mouth. His mind is whirling and processing and screaming in his ears everything that he’s just heard- which is one word. But it’s one word that holds so much in it. “Harvard?” he croaks. His face drops down to his lap as tears prick at his eyes. The emotions are all rushing onto him too soon. “But… that’s in the States.”

Harry frowns and reaches across the table to place his hands over Louis’, who have emerged from his lap. “I know,” Harry sighs. “I didn’t want… I don’t want to leave, but this is my chance. This is my chance to set my life on another straight career track.”

"But…" Louis’ voice cracks as he looks up. He doesn’t care if the few people around him are staring at the now-solo idol crying over his curly-haired, long-limbed boyfriend. All he cares about is how much time he has left with Harry. "But… that’s one of the most expensive universities in the world! How’d you get in?"

"I’m not poor, Lou," Harry coos. "We’re still millionaires. I can pay for it."

Louis shrugs as his hands reach up to wipe away a tear. He doesn’t want to let them slip down his cheeks, show his vulnerability, when there could easily be cameras documenting the moment. “Why would they want you?”

Harry chuckles a little bit. “That’s rude.”

"No, no I didn’t mean it like that, I meant… what are you studying there?"

"I’ll be studying Psychology." Harry coughs and shifts in his seat. "I want to be able to help people."

Louis is sputtering between sobs, sniffles and trying to keep quiet. He lets out a little hiccup. “Harry, you’ve already helped people. We… we helped people by being a band. We saved lives,” Louis whispers. People are nearly staring at the pairing- they can’t keep their eyes off of them now. “You don’t need to study something you’re already good at.”

"Well, maybe I just- maybe I just want to be someone there to help others, okay? Louis, I’ll only be gone a little while. Maybe four years at the most. I don’t care. I just need a little bit of ground to stand on, okay? I won’t get a full master’s degree. Louis, I promise, you won’t even know I’m gone." Harry brushes his fingers across Louis’ cheekbones, wiping off a few tears. "I love you."

"I’ll know you’re gone when there’s an empty side of the bed, and empty flat, no voice singing in the shower, no good-morning breakfast, and Eleanor wherever I look. For four years," Louis spits. "Harry, I want to leave."

Harry is a bit shaken by his boyfriend’s words. “Why?”

Louis stands up, sending his chair sliding against the wood with a deafening screech. “I thought this was going to be a special night. Not fucking this. Harry, please, can we leave?”

Harry feels his heart being ripped apart. He made Louis mad at him. He destroyed tonight. He only ruined it for Louis… and he didn’t even mean to. He swears the entire restaurant is looking at them now; what’s wrong with Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, the two boyband breakaways?

"Alright," Harry sighs, standing up and taking Louis’ hand in his. He leads him out to the car with four words racing through his mind- _What have I done?_

**~**

**Heyy! This is a bit shorter than I had expected, but whatever. Next chapter happens pretty fast and sad and an AWW NO kind of feeling is what you’re left with. Been so caught up with schoolwork, had barely enough time to finish the chapter! Hope you like it! If I have anything wrong in it, like if you’re in uni and you know a bit more about it than I do, please let me know how to revise this chapter. I’m not very familiar with the process. xx  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Harry wraps an arm around Louis’ waist, pulling him into his side. He nuzzles into the crook of Louis’ neck. “Babe, your flight leaves in an hour. Pick some snacks and we need to leave,” Louis whispers in his ear.

Harry sighs and takes a pack of crisps off the shelf. He picks up a can of green tea and unhooks himself from Louis. “I just want to go home and cuddle with you for ten hours,” he admits.

"We did that yesterday," Louis chuckles. He feels around for Harry’s hand, tangling his fingers with his. "C’mon, we need to go."

He begins leading Harry to the nearest cash register. The girl behind the counter doesn’t look much older than 15. “Hello, how’s y- oh my god,” she croaks. A smile rips across her face as Harry hands her the crisps and tea. “Hi Harry and Louis,” she giggles.

"Hi," Louis says back. "How’s your day been?"

She blushes as she scans the items. “It’s just gotten ten times better, thank you.”

Harry sighs and unlocks their fingers, instead tucking his arm under Louis’ side. He takes the two items and signs the receipt. “Thanks,” he mumbles.

The girl frowns. “Everything alright?” she says, cocking her head to the side.

Harry forces a smile and a nod. “Yeah, just… leaving the country for four years, y’know?”

Her eyes widen in shock. “No, I didn’t know! You haven’t really been on Twitter in ages, where are you going?”

Louis slips out of Harry’s grip and narrows his eyes into a slit. “The States for uni,” he spits. “I don’t really appreciate it.”

Harry rolls his eyes and waves a hand at the girl. “He’s just a bit upset. He’ll get over it.”

The girl sighs and pinches her nose. “Harry, just be good to him and have fun over there in America. Keep in touch with the fans and stuff. We miss One Direction a lot. I can’t believe I’m getting this opportunity. Just… promise me you two will always stay together, okay?”

"Right," Harry says, sticking out his hand. "Promise."

The girl breaks out into a grin, and instead of shaking his hand, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him into a hug over the cash register. “Thank you for saving my life, Harry.”

Harry gulps down the lump in his throat. He always gets nervous when he’s told something like that. “Stay positive,” he whispers as he pulls away. Louis snorts and takes Harry’s hand again, walking out of the shop and back to the car.

"Don’t be such a grump," Harry mumbles as he’s led to the passenger’s seat. Louis pulls open the door with a sigh. "I’m not… angry. I’m just a bit upset, Harry."

Harry climbs into the car and straps himself in, looking down at Louis and taking ahold of his wrist before he is able to shut the door. “Don’t worry about it Boo. You won’t even notice I’m gone, it’s only for a-“

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that Harry." Louis snorts, breaking free of his grip and shutting the door on him. He climbs into the driver’s seat and sighs, placing his hand out over the console for Harry to take. He accepts the offer and starts caressing the back of Louis’ hand. "I love you."

Louis drives on for a few streets without saying anything back to him before he breaks loose. “I love you too.”

The drive to the airport seems to take a millisecond of what it needs to be. Louis climbs out first, breaking the small connection they had and popping the trunk. Harry meets him in the back and takes his two suitcases in his hands. “I don’t want to go,” he grumbles.

Louis rolls his eyes as a smirk creeps onto his lips. “Don’t worry,  _you_  won’t notice  _you’re_  in the  _States._ ”

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Prick."

"Twat."

"Stop being an arse."

"Says who?"

"I love you."

"Love you too," Louis coos, curling into Harry’s side and gripping his waist. He takes a suitcase from Harry’s hand and they get into the airport with only minimal looks from passerby.

Once they’ve gotten in, Louis unravels himself from Harry for a second. “Where do you want to start?”

Harry shrugs and melts further into Louis’ side. “As long as you go with me, it doesn’t matter.”

"Baby. Scared of an airport? Like we’ve never, ever been on a flight?"

"Shut up Lou."

"Can’t deny it."

Harry shrugged. “It won’t be with you.”

Louis gulps down the small lump in his throat and leans in closer to Harry’s ear. “We wouldn’t have to be doing this if you didn’t decide to leave me.”

Harry breaks from Louis and laughs. “Oh, would you not?” he says, stepping forward and walking towards the boarding pass line. Louis tries not to break out in a feverish grin as he watches Harry’s greasy curls bounce away from him. “You are one huge arse,” he chuckles under his breath.

The lines move fast, with Louis trailing next to Harry the entire time, guiding him and holding his hand, giving him soft kisses to the temple when his knees began to quiver. By the time they’ve reached the plane doors and there’s five minutes left until takeoff, both of them have glistening eyes.

Louis sighs and looks down at his feet. “So this is it, right?” he whispers, barely audible over all of the other goodbyes being said and arriving planes. 

Harry shrugs. “Don’t say that. This isn’t forever.”

"Keep tel-"

"Keep telling yourself that, yeah, yeah I know." Harry sighs. He sets his suitcases standing up beside him and takes Louis’ hands out of his pockets, taking them in his. "God Lou, your hands are so tiny," he giggles.

"Bet you’re gonna miss it."

"I will. Think positive," Harry frowns. He takes a hand and places it under Louis’ chin, lifting it so they’re staring each other in the eyes. Louis’ eyes are bright and shiny, like lights when your vision has been disrupted by tears. "Alright," Louis sighs.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, before abruptly slamming themselves into each other in a tight hug. Louis’ arms are wrapped around Harry’s neck, his head tucked between his arms, his fingers playing with the little curls that still manage to hold themselves together after all these years. They’re the same curls Louis played with on that X Factor stage four years ago, the same curls that Louis loves. And he’s going to miss those curls. Those curls that are paired with deep dimples, blowjob-red lips, and eyes that resemble lime green orbs. He’s going to miss waking up to the smell of breakfast downstairs, falling into the kitchen to find that sweet smell and rather seeing a much more pleasing sight. There’d always be a boy, standing before the stove wearing only his boxer briefs, a lengthy boy with long limbs, flipper-like feet and a back Louis wanted to run his tongue down every inch of. Yes, he was that bad. Yes, that was what this boy has done to him over the past years he’s spent making sure he didn’t trip over his own feet. This boy is the one that somehow managed to make Louis so desperately falling into an inescapable pit of love and sex dreams. Sex dreams that soon became real, in the bathroom, bedroom, the kitchen, every corner of every room in the flat. Oh, and that flat. It would be so, so empty and quiet without the curly-haired boy thumping around downstairs. When would he come back? When would Louis wake up to an empty bed? Oh. Well, of course he will wake up to an empty bed for the next few years. But he wouldn’t be able to trudge downstairs and know that he’d be having a good breakfast and, somehow, the boy hadn’t left him. He was now.

Louis snapped out of it and let out a sob in the boys’ shoulder. The call for three minutes went up and Louis pulled out the hug he hoped wouldn’t be the last. “Guess you should be going, don’t want to miss that flight,” Louis sighs. His feels a tear streak down his face, and brushes it away before Harry can. Harry’s also crying. Oh. Well, what a scene.

Harry sighs and picks his suitcases up, smiling a bit. “I love you so much, Lou,” he whispers.

"I love you too. More than you can imagine," Louis whispers back, pulling Harry into a warm kiss. They pull away after a few seconds, and Louis hopes he never forgets that feeling of Harry’s lips on his in the time that’s gone. The kiss lingers as Harry starts to walk away.

Louis remembers something and runs to Harry, taking his hand and staring him straight in the eyes. “Don’t forget about me. Promise?”

"Promise," Harry smiles.

Louis loosens his grip and then remembers another thing. His mind is going crazy. “And… if you ever feel like coming home, if it’s too hard for you, you’ll always have a home with me.”

Harry gulps down the lump in his throat and smiles, tears glistening in his eyes. “Bye Louis.”

Louis lets go of Harry’s hand, watching him hand his boarding pass to the guard for the plane door. He watches him walk away and tries to remember the image. Tries to remember the feel of him and his head of curls. “Bye Harry,” he whispers.

**~**

**Posting these chapters in chunks on here, sorry! I love you guys all so much! xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

The flight was a lot more painful, annoying and loud than Harry had imagined it would be. He ended up being seated next to a believer of Louis and Eleanor’s relationship, who kept shaming on Harry for being the way he was. The fan got over it after a few minutes before she started asking him a lot of questions and repeating “can’t believe my chances” a bunch. Then, when she fell asleep, it left Harry’s mind roaming anywhere and everywhere. All his thoughts were able to scream at him were LouisLouisLouisLOUIS _LOUIS_ and it made him feel sick. He hoped Louis had been able to drive home and get himself together. Maybe his thoughts were screaming his name too, just as loudly.

Then there was the regular flight shit he had to put up with. Crying children, nearly getting caught in a storm (which scared him by the way, as he didn’t have Louis’ hand to hold or Louis to whisper comfort in his ears or Louis as a whole) and getting off to be greeted by jet lag. It felt like everybody knew who he was in Boston, even the elderly couples who surely shouldn’t. Going through airport checks, getting in the taxi, arriving at the university campus, the entire time his mind didn’t seem to think the cry of LouisLouisLouisLOUIS _LOUIS_ got old.

His mind finally shut up when he was nearly ambushed by… fans? They were lined up outside of the main campus gates. Somehow they knew he was arriving. He paid the taxi driver and regretted ever stepping out of the car, because as soon as he did, fans were pressed up against him and phones were flashing and he didn’t like it, because the last time this had happened, was the time he punched the paps. The fans even caught it on tape. “HARRY STYLES, BOYFRIEND OF LOUIS TOMLINSON OF EX-BOYBAND ONE DIRECTION, PUNCHES PAPARAZZI.” Harry didn’t like the fact they had been yelling at him about the breakup and Louis. It had hurt. He hadn’t been mobbed again.

Somehow he managed to get through the crowd and only satisfied a few fans, and he realized he was crying. The fans probably got pictures of a crying Harry Styles. What a baby. Get it together Harry! He picked up the pace and ran towards the main Harvard hall, wiping the tears off of his face.

He didn’t really waste time. He got his dorm key and started searching. The halls here were long and boring- definitely not welcoming, definitely not making him feel better. He found the room and was about to swing open the door when he hesitated. Was anybody already here?

His memories stopped flashing and he’s taken back to time at hand. He takes his hand off the doorknob and instead knocks.

The door swings open a bit faster than he had expected, and he was face-to-face with a girl. Blonde haired, blue eyes, showing off a cute smile and a wave. A girl was his roommate? Wasn’t this against the rules or something? Did he have the wrong dorm?

“Hi! I’m g- no no no, no, no. I’m- NO,” the girl whispers. She steps back and gives Harry a look as her smile melts and then grows back brighter. “Harry!” she cries, before jumping towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. Who was she? Harry prayed she wasn’t a fan, because it would only make the entire situation worse. But then again, how would she not know him? She was a college newbie and he was an ex-member of the most popular boy band in the world. Of course she would know him.

“Hi,” Harry croaks. “I can’t breathe.”

The girl jumps back and pushes open the door behind her, tripping over her own feet. “Woops, clumsy me. Step inside our dorm together!”

The room is not exactly prepared for anybody. Harry doesn’t have anything for the room, and he didn’t think she did either. “Do I have the right room?” he asks with a little cough.

The girl shrugs. “Do you, Mr. Styles? What are you even doing here?” she flops down onto the floor and crosses her legs, patting the space beside her. Harry drops his stuff and takes the seat next to her with a shrug. “I left London for a few years. Came to uni."

“How come I didn’t get to hear this? Why didn’t the fans?” The girl shrieks. She quickly sticks out a hand before Harry can think of a response. “Guess I never properly introduced myself. Alice Winchester, studying Law.”

Harry gives a weak, dull smile and shakes her hand. “And obviously, you know who I am. And about that question…? I didn’t want fans to know. They’d be swarming. And I’m not exactly in the best of state. Missing him.”

Alice rocks her shoulders back and forth. “Oooh, I see… and that someone is still Louis, right?”

Harry nods. “Love him.”

Alice breaks out in a feverish grin and covers her entire face with her hands, propping her arms up on her knees. She lets out a squeal. “Ugh, I know we just met and it’s pretty awkward since I’m a fan and I’m overexcited and talking in really long sentences but, can I let you know something?”

Harry looks up from his hands. “What?”

She shifts to face Harry and looks him in the eyes, trying not to smile. “I’ve been a fan since you guys were on the X Factor. There was something and I knew it. I’ve been shipping Larry since I became a fan, and I err… wrote a fanfic.”

Harry stifles his laugh and chokes out, “you’re one of them!”

Alice laughs and smacks his arm, blushing. “One of them? What, is writing a fanfic an offense?”

Harry shrugs and sucks up the joyful tears he’d sprouted. “No, I just can’t believe you’d confess it. Why are you acting so strange and friendly to me, why aren’t you treating me like a stranger?” he says. 

Alice rolls her eyes. “I’ve been a fan of you for years, I practically know everything about you. I can’t believe I’m getting the chance to room with you for four years… at minimum, right?”

Harry nods. “Just about four. Why are we rooming together? Shouldn’t it be girl and girl or boy and boy?” 

“It should be. Guess we’re just the leftovers,” Alice says, pushing herself off the ground and walking into the kitchen. She tugs open the fridge to reveal the vast emptiness that lies there. “Dammit Styles, got any food?”

“Nope,” Harry sighs, standing up. “Got any  _furniture_?” he asks, gesturing at the room around him.

“Nope! Guess we should get on it then. I don’t even have bed sheets.”

 “One problem- money?”

Alice whips around, her eyebrows tracing a confused look upon her face. “Who are you, again? For a reminder?”

Harry looks down at his feet with his hands interlocked behind his back. “Harry Styles.”

“From?” 

“One Direction.”

Alice sighs and waves her hands around. “And sooooooo?”

Harry looks up. “Err…”

“For God’s sake Harry, grab your card, you million dollar idiot,” Alice shouts, picking a black coat off of the kitchen counter and slinging it around her shoulders. She sweeps past Harry, taking him by the wrist with no effort and leading him out the door.

**~**

Alice points to a pale tan leather sofa and looks over at Harry for approval. “What d’you think about that one?” 

Harry shrugs and begins walking towards it. He flops onto it and inhales, taking in the smell of clean, fresh, new leather material. “Comfy,” he says, “for a change.”

“Oh, shut up Styles. Can’t believe I’m shopping for sofas with you. To  _LIVE_  with you!” Alice squeals, jumping in her spot. She quickly calms down when she sees Harry’s unamused expression. “Oh, no, I’m not replacing Louis, am I?”

“No, not that,” Harry shakes his head vigorously. “Just… You remind me a lot of Gemma.”

Alice stands straighter with her hands balled on her hips, kind of like a superhero in comic strips. “I take that as a compliment that you think I resemble my girl crush!”

He scoffs and then starts laughing uncontrollably, clutching his stomache and kicking his feet. “You have a crush on my sister? Gemma?”

Alice rolls her eyes and slaps his arm playfully, falling onto the couch next to him. “Meaning she’s an example of who I’d want to be. Trade you my little brother for your older sister!”

“So you’re the oldest?” 

“Mhm.”

“Why are the oldest siblings always such pricks?” Harry questions, looking over at the girl next to him with a smirk. Alice rolls her eyes again and sighs, stroking a part of the sofa by her leg. “Styles, it’s going to be a fun year,” she giggles. 

He shrugs and stands up, pulling Alice up with him. “If you can find a way to shut that hole in your mouth, then maybe. How’s the couch?”

“Extremely comfy,” she agrees. “How about it?”

“Depends on the c-”

Alice crosses her arms and furrows a brow. “And who are you, again?”

 Harry sighs and pulls out his wallet. “Fine. Go find someone.”

Alice’s eyebrow crawls further up on her face. “Am I supposed to be your maid? No.”

“Please go find someone to help us buy this thing, you royal arse.” 

Satisfied, Alice turns and starts bolting towards the front of the building near customer service. Harry watches her talk to the guy over the counter before she brings him over, and she does the rest for the purchase too. He shakes Harry’s hand and then offers the pair a student discount, which they accept, and takes off with their money to the counter.

Alice turns to face him and smiles. “Still can’t get over the fact that I’m living in the same dorm room as my hero.” 

“That’s a lot of err… pressure you’re putting on me and the boys, did you know?” he gulps. He looks down at his feet and fiddles with his fingers. Alice watches him carefully as his face contorts into a look of fear. “Do you think that’s a lot to handle? Being someone’s hero?” she asks quietly, stepping closer to him.

He looks up at her and shrugs. “Being a hero involves saving someone. Which I haven’t quite done,” he replies, taking a step away from Alice. His head drops back down to the floor, leaving a heavy silence raining down on them. It remains there for minutes on end until Alice brings up the courage to speak. “You have, though. Just by radiating your happiness and helping a few fans here and there, writing songs that speak to the heart, performing concerts, just being alive- you’ve saved a lot of lives. Millions. If only you knew,” she says, barely audible for Harry to hear between the few feet separating them.

He looks up with confusion. Somehow, dorm shopping had turned into having to explain to him what his past had done to people every other minute. This was why Harry had dreaded rooming with a fan. One way or another, they’d lay their life on his shoulders. He couldn’t be responsible for millions of lives.

He stepped forward and stuck his arms in-between the gaps of Alice’s arms and her sides, pulling her into a hug. “I’m glad I could do that without it being my goal. Stay safe.”

“Always,” Alice whispers back. The hug is air-restrictingly tight, but neither one of them complain until they realize they still have a lot of shopping left. 

“Right, so we’ve got kitchen stuff, decorations, and then little things like appliances, bed sheets, silverware, the likings,” Alice names off,  pointing towards the kitchen supplies. “Bedrooms already have beds, nightstands, desks, and a dressers.”

“What about the bathrooms?”

“Sliding glass shower, actually. Quite high-quality, if you ask me,” Alice smiles. “Oh! And the kitchen has a fridge, stove and a dining room table.” 

Harry raises an eyebrow. “So basically we just need a microwave, blender, pots, pans, cups, plates, silverware, and stuff to fill the fridge with.” 

“Lots of flowers.”

“Flowers?”

Alice turns around swiftly, giving him a look of amusement. “God Harry, how boring is your flat back in London? You’re going to need decorations.”

Harry cocks his head. “What makes you think flowers will do the trick?” 

“Shut up and let’s get cracking, dipshit.”

~

**Hello! I’m back on track and actually have Thanksgiving break off right now, so that’s three extra days for writing set aside! Hope you liked the introduction to Alice. She’s going to be a big part of the story. Anyway, I really hope you can leave me some kudos, comments, suggestions etc. so I know what I need to improve on/ what you’d like to read about! The story will mainly be from Harry’s point of view as well, so keep it in mind. ^.^ thanks so much! xx this is the final "chunk" chapter I'm posting today, so from here on out the story will be updated like it is everywhere else. Again, thanks!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

To say Harry was excited for the events happening that night would be an understatement. Louis had called earlier and told Harry he’d found spare time for a video chat, much to Harry’s delight, and that he’d be dropping in for a visit in few weeks time if his schedule remained clear. So, as Harry’s last class of the day came to an end, Harry was racing down the corridors to get back to his dorm.

He’s practically jogging so fast and paying so little attention to his surroundings that he smacks into the chest of a passerby. He mutters a barely audible “sorry” and is about to continue on for his dorm when his attention is caught.

“So it’s Styles.”

Harry raises a hand up to his lips, biting on the skin of his index finger. He tucks his phone into his pocket, not noticing the tightness of his skinny jeans is making him look absolutely ridiculous trying to fit it in. The college boy he’s standing in front of isn’t alone as well. He seems to have a pack of his friends with him.

Harry offers his best award-winning pageant smile, as he’s not about to let a group of frat boys dampen his spirits. “Hello,” he says cheerfully.

Unfortunately, the frat boy he’d run into starts up a group chuckle. “Why the happy tone, fag?” he snarls.

The word leaves a sting, but it’s nothing he hasn’t been told before, either by the paps or in the millions of tweets he’d find himself reading in the early hours of the morning. Even if he is used to it, it doesn’t mean it’s something he likes to hear. “Bit rude, if you ask me,” he mumbles.

Once again, he’s laughed at.

“Styles, right? Curly from the Wanted?”

“One Direction, actually-“

“The alternative is so much better!” the boy cackles. Harry feels like he should just keep walking to get back to his dorm and Louis faster, but Harry’s anxious to hear what this college boy has to say. “Why so?” Harry asks curiously.

“I don’t think it was the best choice to get all gayed up with _Louis_ , the other faggoty prick, and then come to _my_ college,” the boy continues, his voice cold and full of foul hissing sounds. He takes a step towards Harry, grabbing his flimsy jacket’s collar. Although Harry is taller than him by a head, he’s full of curls and dimples that don’t make him so intimidating. Somehow, though, Harry is cowering under his grip. “Could you let go of me?” he whines desperately. The boy doesn’t seem to hear.

“Whiney, famous, faggot.”

“I don’t appreciate you calling me that.”

“What?”

“That, that word,” Harry offers, wincing as the frat boy raises a fist. He lowers it with a howl, encouraged again by the group around him. The fist comes back up and hovers near his face.

“Faggot?”

“Stop." 

The boy lets Harry go and laughs along with his friends. Harry takes a hand and situates the collar again, but halfway through, his cheek is pounded with a fist. 

A few more kicks and such come for him as he’s in a ball on the floor, clutching his head. He doesn’t think much as he waits for it all to pass over, but he doesn’t feel phased by the beating and stands up early.

He doesn’t hesitate with his moves. He raises a fist as swiftly as he gets up and punches the boy square in the nose, glaring coldly at him. “And I don’t appreciate a homophobic asshole telling me to fuck off from a school that doesn’t deserve him.”

Harry rearranges his electric blue beanie and begins running towards his dorm again, leaving the scene with the frat boy’s friends laughing at him. He raises a hand to brush away the blood beginning to trickle from his nose. God, he didn’t remember them really damaging his face; when had he become a mess who took a beating? Actually, what had just happened?

He doesn’t think twice about the past scenario and begins to focus on Louis. Louis. He hadn’t called him in days because of how busy they both were. Louis had sent Harry the acapella version of his first solo single, which had left Harry crying because he missed the voice. That voice that sung him to sleep at night or whispered naughty things into his ear. He found himself smiling maniacally when suddenly everything went dark.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered under his breath. Oh great, the thunderstorm had powered down the lights. He went to pull out his phone when he realized it wasn’t in any of his pockets. Panic began to fill his mouth, ears, eyes, and head, making him go dizzy. Those frat boys had his phone. Now he was going to have to find his dorm in the dark. 

He had managed to adjust his eyes to the light after it’d been around ten minutes of searching for someone when something startled him.

“Why don’t they have fucking windows in the halls?” A voice chirped from behind Harry. He turned around to see Alice’s glowing face behind him, washed with relief. She had her phone out and the torch turned on, shining a beam of light down the hall. “Oh, Harry!” she called happily, beaming at him. “Where’d y- what the hell happened to your nose? Harry, you’re bleeding!” 

Harry’s hand flew up to his nose and automatically covered the area. Alice stuck her phone in her mouth to find her keys in her jacket pocket. “You’re telling me what happened the moment we get inside,” she said, muffled by the phone. 

Harry sighed and nodded. “Alright.”

Alice mumbled something under her breath as she fumbled with the key, swinging the door open. Natural light flooded the hall, and Alice removed her phone from her mouth, turning the torch off.

Harry has just barely stepped foot in the dorm when Alice is near him with tissues, dabbing at the blood staining his face. “What happened to you?” she asks cautiously. “Did someone do this to you?” 

“Group of frats, ‘s all,” Harry mutters, taking his beanie off and shaking around his hair. “I don’t really care, ‘s just about Louis, noth-“

“Fucking hell, I swear Harry, if people are going to beat you up because you’re in love with Louis, well, I’m not exactly going to be happy!” Alice cries. She balls up the tissues and throws them on the floor, running somewhere in the kitchen and returning with more. “Come over to the bay window so I can see your face better,” she instructs him.

Harry nods and joins Alice by the window. The rain pounds down on the window, but the two sit comfortably on the built-in pillow shelf and listen to the beat of the water.

“Shit, I was supposed to video Louis and now we’re out of power,” Harry sighs. “Could the day get any worse?” 

“Phone service towers are still operating, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, that would be great if I hadn’t lost my phone in a frat boy feud,” Harry fumes. He bats Alice’s hand away and takes the tissues from her. “What am I supposed to do? You’re doing the stupid no-phone campus project, mine’s gone, and the power is out. I couldn’t talk to him if I tried. I miss him so much,” Harry chokes. He opens a tissue and uses it to blow his nose, looking up at Alice desperately. “Nothing just ever works out for this love.”

Alice frowns and places a small hand on his knee. “Pipe up!” she cheers quietly.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Easy for you to say, you’re too much for me to handle. Too peppy and always happy. I hope you calm down.”

Alice takes the tissue wad from him and pushes herself up, crossing her arms. “Rude,” she scoffs, “Go write a letter to your love.”

Harry feels a light bulb flick on over his head. “A letter,” he whispers hopefully.

**~**

Harry nearly trips over his own feet as he takes paper and a pen and runs to his room. Alice trails behind him and waits patiently in the doorway, studying him. “What are you so excited about, Harry?” 

Harry sets the paper and pen on the desk and waves her off. “You gave me an idea that I’m going to carry out.”

Harry watches Alice lean her shoulder on the door frame, giving him a playful smirk. “Oh no, you’re not seriously going to write him a letter, are you?”

His excited smile falters as he takes a seat at the desk, picking up his pen. “Is that… cheesy?”

Alice laughs and walks into the room, kneeling beside him. “Why do you sound so unsure of yourself? You’ve always been on tour before, miles away from your family; don’t you write to them?”

“Text and call, video chat.”

“Well, you can’t always rely on your phone sometimes. I learned that when… nevermind. Just write your letter, I’ll leave you alone so you can think properly.” Alice stands up and brushes off her skinny jeans, and tries to turn away, but Harry grabs her by the wrist.

“You learned that when what?”

Alice gulps and breaks free from his grip. “I don’t feel like talking about it,” she states, walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her. Moments after, she cracks it back open. “I’ll tell you tonight.” 

Harry shakes off his worries of Alice and picks up his pen. He furrows his eyebrows and stares at the blank paper. He runs a hand through his curls several times in nervousness- as funny as it sounded, he felt a lot more vulnerable on paper than on phone. He sighs and scribbles two words on the paper.

_Dear Louis,_

He stares at the words nervously before he slams his pen down and pushes himself up. “Blimey, Alice!” he shouts. He walks towards the door and throws it open, to see Alice sitting against the wall beside him. “I’m going to need you to do two things for me, alright?” he asks with a sigh.

She looks up with a small smile on her lips. “What do you want, Harry?”

“I’m going to need you to tell me what’s bothering you, and me, right now. About what you said you’d tell me tonight. Then, I’m going to need you to… to help me write the letter.”

Alice’s smile brightens and she reaches out a hand. Harry takes it and pulls her to her feet. “I knew you’d need my help and you wouldn’t let me think over my little trouble for long. You’re too much of a sweet, gentle hearted boy, did you know?”

Harry slaps her arm with a chuckle. “Don’t go calling me things now. But… you’re right,” he murmurs under his breath. 

His roomie runs towards the living room, cheering wildly. “That’s the spirit! Let’s grab a snack and then we’ll talk!” she cries happily. 

Harry smiles as he watches the girl with the bright smile navigate around the kitchen, pulling out packs of popcorn, bowls and butter. “You’re a mystery, Alice,” he whispers quietly so she can’t hear, watching her smile loosen as she puts a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

**~**

The room is quiet, only disturbed by the pitter-patter of the rain outside. Alice is curled up under Harry’s arm on the sofa, her bowl of popcorn balancing on her knee. Harry plays with her hair contently, as she’s almost asleep.

“Alice?” he whispers.

“Hm?” 

“You never told me what you meant earlier.”

Alice sits up drearily and sets her bowl on the coffee table. She rubs her eyes gently and sighs. “Do I have to? I said tonight.”

“You and I both know perfectly well that when the night rolls around, you won’t be saying anything.”

Alice laughs at his comment and shrugs. “I don’t want to load my pressure onto you.”

It’s Harry’s turn to scoff. “What pressure? You’re so happy all the time I doubt there could be anything wrong with your life.” 

The girl turns to look at him. “And there’s not at the moment. Maybe in my past. Maybe why I talked shit earlier, mumbling stuff I shouldn’t have.”

“Well, mind telling me why?”

They stare each other down for a few moments before Alice breaks the look and puts her head in her hands, groaning. She looks back up with tears glistening in her eyes. “Harry, I… I don’t want to tell you right now. It’s something I’ve never told anyone about and I… touchy… on the subject. Can we leave it alone?”

Harry’s eyes fill with worry as he wraps his arms around the girl. “I don’t want it to bother you. Get it off your chest.”

“It’s not bothering me.”

“Alice, look at yourself.”

“I’m telling the truth, Harry!” she cries, pulling out his grip and laughing. “Really. Really.”

“Alright,” Harry smiles. “Tell me eventually though, right?” he holds out his pinky finger. “Promise?”

Alice rolls her eyes and connects their pinkies with a snort. “Cheesy little shit, you. Promise.” 

Harry gets up, satisfied. “Now, I believe we have a letter to write.”

**~**

Alice picks up the paper after a few minutes and reads the two words at the top. “Really, all you’ve managed to write down is _‘Dear Louis’_?” she giggles. 

Harry snatches the paper back and protects it by pressing it against his chest. “I don’t actually have a lot of ideas right now, I mean, what should I even say?” 

Alice plops down next to Harry at the kitchen table, where they’re seated now. “I’d tell him why you missed the video call, why you’re writing him a letter, and everything else you want to. Like how bad you miss him, how uni is going, about me…” Alice trails on. He snorts and lays the paper before him. Alice doesn’t look over his shoulder as he’s writing, which comes as a relief to him, as he’s a shit writer when he knows someone is going to be judging him on it.

_Dear Louis,_

_I hope you actually check the mail for once, because this thing is waiting for you. It’s Harry. Well, I guess that’s pretty obvious. Probably wondering why the hell I’m sending this? Well, right now it’s thundering and flashing/raining and I’m scared without you here to hold my hand._  

“How’s it sound so far?” Harry asks, handing Alice the paper. She reads it with her nose scrunched up, then gives it a thumbs up. “Cute, cute. I’m sorry you feel so alone. Funny,” she sasses, crossing her arms over her chest. “Not like I’m here or anything.”

Harry sighs and takes the pen up in his hand, continuing on with the letter.

_I guess I should tell you about my roommate here, her name is Alice._

“About time,” she mutters beside him. Harry bats at her with a hand as he scribbles more words down. 

_She’s a fan of the band. Technically I guess she WAS a fan, because now she’s my roommate and it’s a bit creepy to refer to her as “just another fan.” She’s actually helping me write this letter. She’s sitting beside me right now. Anyway, she’s really cool. Always cheery, I like that. Her and I were basically leftovers so we were thrown in a dorm together instead of with other gender-neutral college people. She’s really fun to hang around and we’re getting along really well. She actually believed we were together before we even came out. Isn’t that lovely?_

“Do you like the way you’re described, or no?” Harry asks. Alice shrugs and takes the letter. Her bottom lip is tugged between her teeth while she’s reading to prevent a wicked smile from breaking out. “Yeah, yeah- you actually make me sound quite decent,” she laughs.

Harry smiles and yawns, picking his pen back up. He’s about to write more when Alice places her dainty hand over his, stopping him. “I think you should write about why you can’t text him right now.”

Harry gulps as she removes her hand. “Tell him about the fight?” he whispers. He earns a nod. “I guess I’ll throw it in there now while it’s fresh on my mind."

_About why I’m writing this letter again. A group of complete asshole frat boys beat me up on my way to my dorm, right before the power went out. I’m fine though. Being with you earns me a lot of pain, but it’s all okay. I’ve just earned a nosebleed and-_

“Black eye looks like it’s coming in, as well,” Alice adds. Harry’s hand reaches up and touches the bruised skin, wincing. “Damnit,” he mutters. “Does me no good.”

  _A black eye apparently, too. I dropped my phone when I was getting up. I don’t have the heart to go out and find it or buy a new one anyway. I’m sorry our video chat got cancelled due to the weather. I miss you loads, boo._

“Sorry I’m reading over your shoulder. I’m sorry for you, Harry,” Alice confesses. “You look like you’re in pain right now.”

Harry looks up and massages the tense lines out of his forehead.

_How’s everything going over there? Are you alright? When’s your album supposed to be out? The acapella single you sent me earlier today sounded absolutely amazing, I miss hearing your voice talk to me. I love you. How’s the weather?_

“Really, how’s the weather?” Alice snorts. “Only you.”

“Shut up.” 

_I’ve run out of things to say. Guess when you get this just tell me everything you need to, alright? Hope you’re doing alright in London, Lou. I love you too god damn much, always running through my mind. Piece of shit, you. Goodbye Louis, hear you some other time. – Harry xx_  

“Over already?” Alice asks, looking at the page Harry’s managed to fill. “I didn’t even really help you write it at all. The words pooled out of your mouth before I could find a cup,” she says calmly.

 “Does it all look okay?” Harry asks. His eyes are full of worry as she scans the paper.

“Mhm, we’ll get this mailed tomorrow morning at seven a.m., alright?” 

“Seven?!”

“What? It’s only a Tuesday! You can’t keep sleeping through the first half of class,” Alice complains, standing up and handing Harry the letter. “It’s been three weeks since we moved in together, two weeks spent in classes, two weeks and you haven’t properly arrived to your first class yet. Ashamed.”

Harry laughs as he watches Alice crash down on the couch, listening intently to the rain outside. “I will tomorrow. Seven a.m. and we’ll mail this letter to Louis, okay?”

Alice smiles and claps enthusiastically, looking at Harry through the kitchen doorway. “Yay! So proud of you already, Styles.”

**~**

**This chapter is 3.1k words haha I had a lot to say, I was considering breaking the chapter into two but then I decided against it! Thanks so much for reading, leave some kudos and comments on it here and on my Wattpad (InkingLarry) as well! Much love to everyone still bothering to look at this thing. xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Alice comes crashing down the hall, shoving her key into the doorknob frantically before swinging the door open so that it smacks back on the wall. “Harry!” she shrieks. “There’s a box in the mail! Louis has replied!” 

The name of “Louis” makes Harry’s heart go numb. He sits in shock for a few seconds, before pushing himself up and running to find Alice. 

Harry’s face lights up as he runs over to Alice, snatching the box from her outstretched hand. “Thank you!” he cries shrilly. “God, I just… I can’t believe he wasted his time replying to someone as pathetic as me.”

Alice laughs and slaps his arm. “I dunno why it’s so heavy,” she starts, noticing him standing still. “Well, are you going to stand there all day or rip open that box?”

His dimples pop as he pulls his lip between his teeth and watches Alice walk away. He looks down at the box he holds in his hands. His dimples turn into abysses as he flips the box in his hands and rips open the top with a single motion. 

On top, before anything else, is the letter. Not just any letter, _the_ letter, the one with the reply he’d been waiting for, crumpled on the edges and full of Louis’ delicate handwriting. Harry picks the page up, full of handwriting front and back, and feels his smile grow bigger, although he doesn’t feel it possible. He takes in a breath and reads the letter slowly.

_Dear Harry,_

_Leave it to you to go and get yourself caught in a thunderstorm. I hope you’re safe, and not as badly damaged by the time you get this as you were before! If I were there I’d probably kiss away the bruises, but you know I really don’t fancy blood. Just not my thing._

_I guess I could’ve just texted Alice and said something but I had a feeling you would’ve used her phone to talk to me in these past weeks if she had it. Unless you’re just that dumb. Alice sounds absolutely amazing, and quite funny as well, she somehow managed to slip her own note into the envelope with her number on it! She sounds like a perfect roommate for you. Now I don’t have to really worry much about your heart being taken by some well-groomed college boy. Can’t believe the topic never came up while we could text and call._

_Everything is going pretty well here. I’ve got about four songs recorded, plain vocals, for my first album as a solo artist- I think it’s got more of a plain rock style than anything. Hope everybody likes it. I wish I could send the recordings of them to you but they won’t even let me hear it! No fair! Help me pick an album name Haz?_

_And for some reason they’ve been putting me out with Eleanor. It’s really fucking annoying as everybody knows we’re dating. I feel so far away from you. Maybe it’s a part of their plan, to put me with Eleanor so much I forget about you. I wouldn’t let it happen. Never. I’m always thinking of you._

_My visit to Boston is coming up soon, about two weeks now and I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see you and meet Alice and just be able to fuck you somewhere new. Yeah, I mean it. It’s going to be pretty fun, even if I’m staying for only a few days._

_Don’t forget what I said! If you still ever feel like something is just wrong, or if you miss me, you’ll always have a home with me. And I mean it! Massive love to you. I love you. I miss you._

_-Louis x_

By the time he’s finished the letter, he feels tears pricking in his eyes. He sucks them back up and laughs gently, running his finger along the curves of the way Louis wrote his own name. The feel of the deeply-etched markings are something Harry wants to remember under his fingertips, even if it is only handwriting.

He sets the letter down on the floor and sighs. He frowns at the box and lowers himself onto his knees to get a good look at it. When he sticks his hand into the box, his hand wraps around hand-sewn fabric. His facial features etch themselves deeper and he pulls out a sweater. It’s too small for him, by the way he can see it. He holds it up and gets a good look at it, and it only takes him less than a second to realize who it belongs to.

His smile brightens so much that his jaw hurts, and even though he’s trying so hard to calm the scoops in his cheeks he can’t as he pulls the sweater into his chest. He inhales and the faint smell of Louis’ cologne fills his nostrils and consumes his brain. He knows this sweater- navy, traditional red Christmas designs on the chest, and he knows who owns this sweater more than anyone else in the world. And he’s madly in love with him.

He looks in the box again and pulls out a note ripped on four sides.

  _I know you can’t sleep without my favourite sweater. Xx_

Nothing else fills the box, and it leaves Harry feeling empty. He holds the sweater up to his eyes again and smiles faintly. He imagines Louis in it, and himself peeling it off of him one night-  he remembers tracing the tattoos on his chest, giving him worse chills than the ones he’d already collected from the snow outside, before slowly kissing him and then making love. He smiles at the memory and hugs the sweater again. 

He’s so caught up in the smell of this part of Louis that he doesn’t even notice who’s watching him.

“Do you really miss Louis?” Alice whispers behind him. Harry whirls around on his knees to look up at her, hovering behind him.

“I… what?”

“You miss Louis?” Alice asks again.

“Well, of course,” Harry shrugs. “I can’t not. What gave you that idea?” he says sarcastically.

Alice laughs and kneels down beside him. “Sweater paw Louis,” she murmurs.

“What?”

“Just another thing the entire fanbase would imagine Louis with, sweater paws, and hurt a little inside.”

“What does that have to do with missing someone?”

“Louis is hard not to miss. Everything about him. His personality, his looks… and it must be ten times harder for you. You were the closest to him, Harry. He takes up a special place in your heart.”

Harry blushes feverishly and tries to hide his smile. He takes his lip between his teeth and bites down, hard. A metallic taste fills his mouth but he's scared if he talks, he's going to melt down. “God, well when you put it like that it hurts a lot worse.” 

Alice chuckles and stands up. “I only say it if I mean it. You should know that by now.”

“And I do,” Harry reassures her, holding out his hand for her to take and pull him up. “But that doesn’t mean when you say it I take it any easier.” 

Alice pulls him up and watches as he collects the letter and the sweater up into his arms. She takes notice of how close he’s pinned it to himself, almost as if he’s trying to embed it in his skin. “Don’t crush yourself, you’ve got quite a monstrous grip on his sweater,” she laughs. Her smile fades away as she watches Harry hold it up to his face and inhale the smell of it. It’s not normal. Harry has some sort of unhealthy attachment issue. “Harry?” she asks.

“Hm?”

“Keep that sweater… somewhere where you’ll always know it is, okay?” she says it with a weak voice, although she’s trying to stay strong. She says it more for Harry’s sake than her own; whenever Harry has those really bad withdrawal days when Louis can’t call because he’s recording or having an interview, Alice always ends up finding him locked in the bathroom with a picture of Louis on his phone screen lighting up his face. Tears sometimes litter his knees. She sighs as Harry gives her a smile. 

“I promise,” he assures her. “I promise.”

**~**

**Filler chapter. Big things are happening. c:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband "One Direction" still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they're thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Harry jumps into the dorm, Alice chasing behind him. Their eyes are wet with joyful tears as they try to recover from the image of Alice tripping in the hallway. Harry sucks up the last of his laugh and lets out a sigh. "I really hope everything goes to plan. I can't," he says, watching as Alice kicks off her shoes.

"It will, I promise. Can I just see it one more time?" Alice pleads. She sports a pouty face and a grin breaks out as Harry gives in, pulling the little black box out of his pocket and holding it out to her. She takes it and opens it slowly, taking note of the way the light catches in the diamond of the ring. It sparkles and gleams, which only makes Alice ache for love.

"You're so lucky, Harry. He's going to love it. I promise you that," she whispers.

Harry shys away from the compliment and takes the ring back, concealing it in his fist. All he hoped for was to propose to Louis tomorrow at the dinner he'd planned out. The restaurant was L'Espalier, one of the most expensive and high-class restaurants in Boston. He only hoped he'd accept. It would be the only chance he got, unless he wanted to wait until he was back in London. Only if he didn't chicken out and let the butterflies in his stomach take over. Then again, why wouldn't he accept it? After four years of misery, he'd take any chance he got. Harry would move back to London and quit college for him. Nothing mattered except for him.

"What time is it?" Harry asks quickly, distracting himself from his plans.

Alice shuffles into the kitchen and returns with a bright smile and a number. "Six thirty! Only an hour until his flight comes in! God, I'm freaking out!" she says, jumping on her toes. "I can't believe anything that's happening."

Harry drops his head with a smile. "Neither can I. Neither can I," he murmurs. He goes into his bedroom to hide the ring, his mind overflowing with thoughts. The visit from Louis had been the only thing he was looking forward to. It was going to be over before he knew it, but he didn't care. He'd spend every waking moment with him, refresh his memory of his hopefully soon-to-be-fiance, and cherish it.

~

The times flick and change, scroll and reorder on the screen above the checkout counter. Harry bounces on his feet, biting on the side of his finger. He listens to the sound of incoming airplanes, hoping one of them is Louis' for what feels like hours. Alice stands beside him, just waiting patiently, trying to calm Harry to the best of her ability whenever the chance comes around.

Finally, the flight arrival takes the number one spot on the screen:  _BRITISH AIRWAYS- LONDON, 7:32PM._

Harry sucks in a sharp breath and feels a feverish smile breaking out. He tries to control it but he can't. He hears the sound of a plane coming in and runs to the window, reading the side of it-  _British Airways._

He doesn't want to see Louis leave the plane until he's right in front of him. He peels himself away from the window and waits. Waiting is his least favourite thing in the world, but he can't do anything about it. He's been waiting for this moment. And maybe waiting is his favourite, because without time comes nothing.

"Calm down," Alice reminds him, her voice barely a whisper, but Harry denies the words access to his brain.

Finally, people start filing in from an arrival gate. Harry scans the crowd, waiting to see some mop of chocolate brown hair atop a set of shining blue eyes. He can't find them. His mind starts to panic and he turns to Alice in frustration for a second, before his eyes are fixed on the crowd again.

Then it's like his entire world stops. He's there.

Harry's breathing staggers and he nearly chokes on his air, his stomach knotting up a dozen times. His body is pulling him forward, toward Louis before his mind has a say in his actions, and he yells out the only thing he can make sense of-  _"LOUIS!"_

Louis' eyes snap towards the sound, and they wrinkle at the edges. Louis tries not to drop his things, but he can't do much with them. Harry is barrelling towards him. Crying. Shouting. Making a scene, but nothing matters to him at the moment. He lets out a something between a cry and a shout, and he's running forward, trying to drag his suitcases behind him.

He gives up as Harry slams into him. The puzzle pieces of their bodies fit together. Harry's arms slide between Louis' sides, squeezing him up against Louis. It's only when they're this close that Louis can hear Harry's uneven breathing. Louis' head buries itself in Harry's shoulder, and he pulls his arm out from between them and lets his jacket and phone fall to the floor beside his suitcases as he takes Harry in his arms. He squeezes him just as hard and realizes their breathing is both choppy, uneven and rough. Harry feels himself crying into Louis' shoulder and he pulls away, instead pushing his lips to Louis' as hard as he possibly can. Their lips are meant for each other's. Louis feels himself melt into Harry's touch, and he kisses back hard. He doesn't care if any paparazzi are around him. Nothing matters except Harry. Only Harry. Harry. He's right here in front of him. He's not leaving him. He hasn't left him. And they're wrapped in each other's arms, lips, and mixing tears- Harry. He's all okay.

"You don't know how much I missed you," Harry chokes out as they pull out of the kiss. Louis chuckles lightly as he feels Harry's thumb brush away his tears. Harry kisses him softly once more and then holds Louis away from him, but he's still got an arm around him. He knows nothing will happen if he lets go, but he's still afraid he's going to drift away from him.

"I missed you bouncing around the flat so much," Louis coughs. "I can't believe I'm here."

"I can't believe you're here," Harry repeats, his dimples popping viciously. He blinks and looks at the boy in front of him. "You've... you seem more stubbly than I remember," he laughs.

Louis raises a hand and bops him on the nose. "I've just aged a month or so, nothing to worry about, Harry."

"Don't age too fast."

"Promise. I missed you so much. I love you," Louis smiles, kissing him on the cheek. That's all he meant, but soon he's cocooned in Harry's arms again. He looks up and sees no paparazzi, only staring people- even better. And there's a girl smiling wildy with long blonde hair, holding her phone out in front of her as though she's recording, holding Harry's coat.

Louis laughs and smiles at the girl before nestling back into Harry's neck for a few more seconds. He decides to break the touch and watches as Harry pulls away. He's still smiling. Brighter than he has since he left London.

Harry studies Louis' movements as he tries to take up everything he has. He missed watching Louis do anything. A memory comes flashing back to him.

_"Louis is a great person to just like, sit and kind of just admire what he’s like."_

If only everyone knew how much power he had put in those words. If only everybody knew of the one little, simple moment in his life that had influenced him to say those words. Not even the wisest Larry shippers had figured it out. Nobody ever would. Because it came out a memory nobody would ever know of. It would always stay that way.

Harry smiles and moves around to Louis, taking the suitcases in one hand and leaving Louis to carry his coat and phone. He laces their fingers together with his free hand, and automatically the hole in his heart feels full again. Louis is here, with him. Holding his hand. And maybe Louis isn't clutching on for dear life, but he's holding his hand and smiling and talking to Harry like he's the only thing he's ever wanted. That's all that Harry wants. Louis. He's the only person he needs.

They approach Alice, who's too busy battling an internal fangirl issue to do anything but smile and wave.

"Louis, the wonderful Alice," Harry says, letting go of his hand. Alice holds out a hand to shake, but Louis doesn't feel like it's enough. He laughs and wraps two scrawny arms around her back, pulling her into him. Alice's last thread of a grip on reality snaps and she stares at Harry like she's just been to Heaven and back. Harry laughs at her and offers up a smile, but Alice is already returning it. Returning it way, way brighter than expected. Louis feels her trembling in his arms and lets her go, chuckling at the way her face is. 

"Alright there love?" he asks.

Alice gulps down and nods. It's only her roomate's boyfriend, only her hero- what's not to fret about? She smiles. "I... I'm kind of speechless. You're exactly how I imagined you to be."

"How's that?" Harry teases.

Her cheeks go red as she gives a weak answer. "Godlike."

The trio bursts out into a round of giggles and exchanging of jokes before they load up into the car, Louis and Harry holding hands over the console, Alice sneaking photos of their link when they aren't paying attention.

~

The time reads about 11:30pm, but yet the trio is still curled up on the couch with bowls of popcorn and sodas surrounding them. The movie playing earns no one's attention, but it wouldn't be able to anyway- Harry and Louis are totally focused in on each other, and Alice is trying to get used to fact that she's witnessing Larry moments only she will ever know of.

"I guess we should all be off to bed now, hm? Plans tomorrow?" Alice suggests, yawning and spreading her arms out as far as she can. She stands up and collects the popcorn bowls and sodas, only to notice the boys are falling asleep. She takes a handful of popcorn and chucks it at Harry's head, laughing. "Get up!"

Harry spazzes and covers his eyes as Louis wakes up as well. "Seriously Alice?" he grumbles.

She shrugs and points down the hall. "Goodnight."

Louis stands up and pulls Harry to his feet. "Goodnight Alice, thank you," he says, wrapping two arms around Harry's chest and tugging him to their bedroom.

By the time they get there, Harry is awake and lively. Louis strolls around his tiny bedroom, picking up photographs of them and kicking around dirty shirts. "Quite small, isn't it?" he asks quietly, standing in front of the card he wrote for Harry back in 2010.

Harry moves over to stand behind Louis, wrapping two arms around his stomach. He rests his head on his shoulder and smiles. "Yeah, but it's enough. You haven't grown much. Now I'm towering over you."

Louis laughs and turns his head to look him in the eyes. "I missed you so much, Harry," he whispers, raising his lips hesitantly to meet his. His eyes flutter shut, brushing over Harry's cheekbones, when there's a knock on the door.

"Come in," Harry calls, releasing Louis.

Alice opens the door and crack and peeks in. She gives them a small smile and a nod. "I'll turn the music up loud for you guys. Don't get too wild," she says, leaving as soon as she came.

Harry looks over at Louis and smiles. "Up for anything? We have the night for ourselves and- ahh, there we go. I can hear the music," he laughs, the music of Bon Iver pumping through the walls. Louis pounces over to Harry, wrapping two arms around his neck and pulling him down to his level. "I love you," he murmurs, connecting their lips together passionately.

Everything is calm and slow, peaceful and just full of admiration. Harry tries to get a grip on the fact he hasn't been able to do anything with his Louis for the longest time. Maybe only a month, but it's the longest time they've spent apart from each other since they met. Louis tries to remember that this is where he belongs, not with Eleanor somewhere. Nothing needs to change now- it's just him and Harry, still going against the world.

Louis' aggressive side tends to kick in when he's with Harry. He flicks his tongue over Harry's bottom lip, dipping it into his mouth. He grazes over Harry's tongue and feels Harry shift under his touch, letting his tongue dance with his. The puzzle pieces of their life have become even more connected. They've always fit perfectly, but now it's like everything is starting to melt together. Two halves of a picture are coming together now, and it's just becoming evident to see.

Harry pulls out of the kiss first, instead placing kisses down Louis' neck. He's encouraged by the soft ghost of a groan and travels back up to his jawline. He sucks on the skin under his left ear until Louis is quivering under his touch. Louis' hands fly up and push on Harry's chest lightly, and then they take chunks of Harry's curls and pull his head up.

"Stop," Louis murmurs softly. Harry gulps down a lump of nervousness and chokes out one word: "Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll be all worn out and then we'd have nothing to do."

Louis' lips pull up into a smile and his hands are moving before he can do anything about them. He takes the hem of his shirt in his fists and pulls it over his head, dropping it on the floor at his feet. Harry scans his body with his eyes, burning right through him- Louis looks down and tries not to make the bulge in his skinny jeans any more noticeable. He starts to feel uncomfortable, and a chill runs up his spine. His arms begin to hide his stomach away, but Harry jumps up and grabs them. "No," Harry whispers, looking Louis in the eyes. He looks at Louis like he's the most perfect thing in the world- after four years, why can't he just accept how he looks? He's exactly the way Harry wants him to be. But he always wants to cover it up. "Not tonight."

Louis nods, taking a finger and flicking Harry's chest. "What about you?"

The boy moves away from Louis and pulls his shirt off his body. "Might as well go with- with these too," he adds, going to unbutton his jeans. Before he can, however, Louis' hand is placed delicately over his. "I wanted to do that," he chuckles, nudging Harry's hands out of the way and pops the button, undoing the zipper, and slowly tugging the jeans off. He only gets about halfway down his thigh when he looks up at Harry in disbelief.

"How goddamn tight are these jeans?" he asks, standing up and unbuttoning his own. "I can't get those past your knees, you do it yourself," he demands, sliding his own jeans down his legs. He disposes of them by throwing them across the room, watching Harry struggle out of his jeans.

"It's taking you four years to get those things off," he comments, as Harry pulls them down to his ankles. He looks up and rolls his eyes at Louis. "I wasn't expecting this," he defends, taking the jeans completely off. "I though Alice w-"

He's interrupted by Louis slamming his body against his, knocking him to the ground. Louis lays on top of him, looking at him in bewilderment. He props himself up on Harry's chest with his elbows and smirks. "You're an idiot. I would've gotten you undressed with or without a noise distraction."

"Touche."

Louis collapses on Harry and connects their lips again, forcing his tongue into Harry's mouth and heating things up from the start. He feels Harry groan into his mouth, so he takes his hands and runs them down Harry's sides. Harry shivers under the touch and places his hands over Louis' bum, squeezing gently. Louis giggles at the touch and rolls off of his chest, breaking the kiss, but he's right back at it and kissing up and down his chest. Harry moans and sits up, pulling Louis onto his lap. Louis wraps his legs around Harry's body, his fingers playing and tugging at his hair as he kisses down Harry's chest again. Harry lets out something between a groan and a whimper as he feels Louis grind his hips against his. He takes in a sharp breath and holds Louis' hips in his hands, making them motionless. "Wait until we're both completely bare," he growls in his ear. Louis nods and doesn't hesitate. He falls off of Harry's lap and stands up, pulls his boxers down slowly, and earns an approving glance from Harry.

"Why are you staring?" He teases, throwing his boxers into the pile of clothes they've made on the floor. Harry doesn't blink as he stares at Louis' member.

"I..." he starts, but before he can do anything, Louis has got him on his feet and slid the boxers down his body. Harry makes a move and wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him into his chest so that they're kissing and rubbing up against each other affectionately. Louis groans and sucks a hickey into Harry's collarbone.

He stands up on his tiptoes to reach Harry's ear. "Give it to me," he whispers, biting his earlobe lightly before flopping onto his stomach on the bed.

Harry smiles and flops onto Louis. He feels Louis take in a breath as Harry props himself up on his hands, hovering over Louis. He takes a hand and wraps it under Louis' stomach, feeling him tense under his touch.

"You've missed... us, haven't you?" Harry asks quietly.

Louis raises his head so he can see Harry out of the corner of his eyes. "Of course," he says with a little smile. "Now, shut up."

Harry shrugs and laughs, running his free hand down Louis' spine and pinching the skin of his bum. "Lube much?"

Louis groans and flips himself around, so that he's looking Harry in the eyes. He pushes himself up and brushes Harry's lips with his. "I don't want to get up and get it out of my jeans pockets," he mumbles. "But who says we'd need it?" he suggests, taking Harry's bottom lip between his teeth and tugging at it. He lets it go and kisses him hard, slipping his tongue in and letting it dance before pulling back.

Harry shrugs and tries to keep his raging affection for the boy down. "If you want."

Louis smirks and pulls Harry back down on top of him. He holds Harry's hands out by his head, lacing their fingers together and groaning as Harry kisses at his neck. His eyes meet Harry's and he feels his whole world met. Harry's eyes are full of love and sorrow, painfully staring him down. Louis returns the gaze and feels a smile playing on his lips as he holds back another moan.

Harry goes back to hovering over Louis, their hands still locked together over Louis' head. He looks down at them and nudges Louis' legs apart with his knees. Louis raises his legs and props them on Harry's shoulders. Harry exposes Louis' hole and carefully brushes his tip against it. Louis sucks in a breath and lets out a noise of satisfaction. Harry carefully nudges into him, inches at a time, hoping Louis gets used to it quickly, even if they hadn't been together for a month or two now. Louis whimpers under the touch as Harry eases himself in. Surprisingly Louis isn't tight or rough without any sort of lube. "God, it feels right," Harry lets the words escape his lips without even trying.

Louis nods and his grip on Harry's hands tighten as Harry does a slow thrust. "Alright?" he asks.

Louis rolls his eyes and groans. "It's not like I'm beaten, Harry, stop worrying- I'm going to-" he's interrupted by another involuntary sound as Harry thrusts in again. His toes curl and his eyes roll back into his head with pleasure. He feels a smile playing at his lips but he doesn't want to let it go. Harry watches Louis in the state that he's in and smirks, thrusting in again. He feels Louis cripple under the movement, not meeting his eyes. Harry pulls one of his hands from Louis' and wraps it around Louis' member, rubbing a bit of the precum around on the head. He slowly starts stroking him and watches as Louis completely unravels. He hears Louis whimper his name, the whimpers starting to lengthen and turning into moans- his thrusting gets faster and his hand pumps Louis anxiously, waiting for the moment he's missed.

"Harry, I-" Louis is cut off by his own moan as he takes in a breath and rides out his orgasm. He spurts all over Harry's hand and his stomach, sending Harry over the edge. He moans in appreciation and feels himself grow weak. His arm folds in and he falls onto Louis' chest, spreading his cum all over his stomach. He pulls out of Louis and repositions himself next to him. He unlaces their fingers and sighs, kissing Louis' cheek. "I missed you," he murmurs against Louis' neck.

"I love you," Louis says back, rolling over and tucking himself under Harry's arm.

**~**

**Aye. Hope you liked the chapter with the terribly written smut scene (thanks to my lovely tumblr "anon" for assisting me with it) at the end! Happy little reunion. Hope you guys are still reading, leave me some feedback! (: xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband "One Direction" still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they're thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Harry picks up his keys and turns around to look for Louis, but he’s nowhere. He readjusts his scarf and fluffs up his hair, pushing it back with one hand, checking to make sure the ring is concealed in the pocket of his jeans and calls, “Louis! Time to go!”

“Coming!” he shouts from somewhere down the hall of the dorm. Moments later gentle footsteps approach the end of the hall, and Louis comes into sight. He fixes his blazer and looks in a mirror by the door, running a finger up the edge of his quiff. “Haven’t seen this style in a while- looks a bit funny,” he jokes, flashing a smile at Harry.

Harry returns it, wrapping a hand around the doorknob as Louis approaches him. "Alice is spending the day at a friend's house, she'll be back around nine tonight though. Just if you needed to know. Ready?"

Louis nods and tucks his hand inside of Harry's as he's led out to the car. He steps inside and watches as Harry climbs around to the driver's side. He turns his head and leans it on the door window, watching the trees pass by in silence.

Meanwhile, Harry's grown uncomfortably fidgety. His leg bounces and his eye twitches, and though he wishes it would stop, it will not. He sighs and bites down on his lip hard, his brows screwing up in concentration. Every minute he gets closer to proposing and it's painful to think about. Although he shouldn't feel nervous because Louis has been his for the longest time, he is. What if Louis doesn't want to yet? 

His thoughts are interrupted by mindless chatter from Louis.

"I'm kind of worried about Eleanor, she texted me this morning crying. She's in pain as much as I am," he whispers, turning to look at Harry. When he notices he's extremely fidgety, he grows concerned. "What's wrong? Why are you so wiggly?"

Harry forces a small smile and shrugs. "I dunno. Guess I just hope nobody is going to be there except us," he lies. He feels Louis' little hand placed on his knee, so his leg stops bouncing.

"Calm down. If people are... there, don't... whatever," he says, stern but gentle. Harry nods and places his hand over Louis', curling his fingers around Louis' so his thumb can run over the back of his hand. He thinks about what Louis has said about Eleanor and sighs. Everybody's just been having enough lately.

~

The restaurant is lit up beautifully inside, light conversations ringing and bouncing around the walls. The couple are seated at a table near the middle of the restaurant, set apart by a white tablecloth, a vase of daisies and food. Wonderful food. They've both gotten some type of chicken they both have taken a rather liking to. Harry watches as Louis turns his head to look out the window, and then up at the light fixtures again.

"Everything looks so fancy and modern," he jokes, his eyes glistening as he looks down at Harry. The younger boy blushes and looks back down at his plate, digging his knife into the chicken breast. 

"I'm impressed. How much is this costing you?" Louis continues, pulling off a strip of his food on his fork.

Harry shrugs and smiles up at Louis. "Don't worry about it Lou, this is just for us right now. Alright?"

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you too," Harry says, and the words strike a nerve. His hand flutters down to the box in his pocket, his index finger tracing the lid. _Now or never_ , he promises himself.

He's about to push himself up from the table, about to kneel in front of Louis and propose in front of the restaurant, when he's interrupted by a ringtone. Louis' ringtone. He gulps as Louis frowns, pulling the phone out of his pocket.

"Uhh... I guess I need to take this- I'm sorry," Louis stutters, staring at the number on the screen. He excuses himself and feels Harry's eyes on him all the way to the bathroom. He answers the call once he's successfully locked himself in a stall.

"Hello?"

"Louis? Where the hell are you right now?" Felicite's grumbly voice chants. Louis groans and leans against the stall door. He knew something was going to happen when he answered a call from her. He hated it.

"I'm out in Boston with Harry for dinner," he replies casually, eyebrows raising to meet his hairline. He looks down and starts picking at the fuzzes on his blazer as Felicite grumbles on, but it's only the last paragraph or so that catches onto him.

"You cannot. There are paparazzi and fans swarming the building right now, you need to go home. Get out of the public light. Remember you're in a career now again? And you've been doing so good with Eleanor, don't you dare screw it up again. You need to leave. Harry is not allowed to take you out. Okay? It's ruining everything. We'll take you home early."

"What?" He chokes, his mouth hanging open slightly. Everything she's telling him doesn't add up. How? Why even? "Why?"

Felicite sighs on the other line. "You knew you weren't supposed to, Louis. I told you before you left London you couldn't let people see you with Harry out and about."

"But I love him."

Felicite pauses for a moment, taking in a breath. Louis waits anxiously for a response, the pause turning into the longest silence he's ever endured in his head.

"Louis, I know you do. But you cannot let people know. You know everyone knows that the band broke up a while back and you two admitted it a while ago. But now you're a solo artist and we're trying to help you back up on your feet again, because you're not as strong as you were with others. The fans believe you're with Eleanor now-"

"No they don't," he interrupts, feeling his eyes stinging with some kind of emotion.

"They do, after half a year of no news besides paparazzi spottings we restricted from you and just for Zayn, Liam and Niall, the fans have no idea how you're doing. They expected a twitcam and cute photos of each other and they have nothing now. That's getting to you. They see you with Eleanor now and they either hate us or hate Harry. We need them to hate Harry."

"No we don't!" Louis cries, immediately noticing his tone and calming down to a whisper. He feels a wet tear run down his cheek and he groans. He can't go back out there looking like this. "I don't care about whatever image you're trying to shape me into. Either way I'd be taken. Fans won't get a chance because either way I'll be taken, and why can't it be with Harry?"

A pause.

"Because the world doesn't have a big enough heart to accept a guy in love with a guy, that's why," Louis interrupts, taking the phone away from his ear, ending the call.

He sinks to his knees for a moment and runs two hands down his face, brushing away the tears. He lets out a stifled sob and stands up, unlocking the stall quietly, staring at himself in the mirror for a second. There's not a chance in the world he can look decently happy and act like nothing has gone wrong.

He sighs and walks over to the bathroom door, pushing it open and then finding Harry. He's fiddling with something small placed in his hands, too small for Louis to see. He sighs and begins walking towards him, stopping when he's standing next to Harry.

Harry looks up and is immediately reflecting sadness towards Louis. "What the hell happened?!" he asks, wrapping five fingers around Louis' wrist. Louis shakes his head.

"Can we leave, please?" Louis whimpers. He watches as something- almost panic and disappointment- settles in Harry's eyes. Harry slips the object he was fiddling with earlier into his pocket, nodding. 

"Of course, but I'm not going to leave you alone with this," Harry stands up and takes Louis' hand, kissing his cheek softly. "Please don't cry," he whispers in his ear.

Louis nods and lets Harry tug him through the restaurant, leading him out into the streets. Paparazzi are swarming around the place, cameras flashing and blinding. Louis stops for only one photo and then leaves as quickly as he can, blocking out every comment involving Eleanor and, to his amazement, every comment about Harry.

Harry slams the door to the car and comes around to his side, jumping in and buckling up. He drives out of the mess of paparazzi and sighs, looking in the rear view mirror once. "Louis, what happened back there?" he mumbles, holding out a hand for Louis to take.

He doesn't take it.

Harry takes his hand back, hurt more than anything. He realizes he's gotten no answer and asks again. "Lou, who was on the other end of that call?"

Louis scrubs his face gently as they come to a red light. "Felicite," he grumbles.

"Felicite as in Fizzy or Felicite as in hell?"

"Hell," Louis says. "I really didn't want to go out tonight. I knew we were going to get papped. She was just reminding me."

"So? Who cares if we get papped?" Harry looks over at Louis and raises his fingers to his hair, flipping it nervously. 

Louis gives him a look as though he should know the answer. "They do. I do. Harry, we still can't be seen together. I've been going out with Eleanor."

"I know," Harry mutters. "But why do you care?"

"I didn't want to go out tonight because I knew it was going to ruin the image they've been sculpting out of me. Harry, I'm sorry."

"Louis," Harry grunts. He looks over at him angrily as the red light turns to green, and he presses on the gas. "You know that shouldn't bother you. Who gives a fuck about who you're supposed to be? What's wrong with us?"

Louis hurts knowing the answer he should give. He knows he'll regret it. He rephrases it in his head, looking over at Harry and then burying his face in his hands. "If your name was Harriet, you'd be better for me."

"Am I not good for you?" Harry spits.

"That's not what I said." Panic floods his mind, and he looks over at Harry, trying to search his eyes. "I mean, I wouldn't be having this problem. The band wouldn't have broken up. Everything would be going to plan and... nothing would have happened the way it was. Harry, this is all my fault. I'm sorry," he says. He squeezes his eyes shut to try and hold back the oncoming wave of tears. "Please."

Harry shakes his head. "I'm sorry you feel that way about us."

The rest of the ride back to Harvard campus is excruciatingly silent.

~

Harry pushes open the door to his dorm and lets Louis step past him. "Alice?" Louis calls, looking around. The silence of the dorm is nearly louder than the silence in the car. However, it's not nearly as uncomfortable. 

"It's only eight thirty," Harry mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His hands tuck into the pockets of his jeans and he watches as Louis lowers himself onto his knees, taking off his shoes and placing them carefully by the front door. "Do you want to do something?"

"Like what?"

"I... I dunno. You know what, nevermind. I've got a lot of work to catch up on. Goodnight."

Louis looks at Harry coldly, almost out of disbelief. "What do you mean, goodnight? Where am I supposed to sleep?"

Harry thinks for a moment and points to the small living area. "There's a couch," he offers.

Louis stares at him. Stares at him so hard he fears he might burn holes through his body. Harry looks back at the boy who he was just about to propose to. He feels his fingers graze the ring box and he stiffens. "I just really need to be alone right now, please. I can't... I'm sorry," he chokes out, running his fingers over the ring box over and over again.

Louis looks at him and feels his eyes water up again. "Fine, Harry. Fine. Goodnight. I lo-" he cuts himself off and looks at Harry expectantly. Maybe he should let him make the move first, since he wants to be so alone right now.

Harry comes over to him, kissing his temple. "I love you Louis," he calls behind him as he heads down the hall. Louis groans and feels himself tense up, curling into a ball on the wooden floor.

**~**

**Aye! Christmas break. Have two entire weeks to update, so expect a lot of chapters (hopefully 4-6 more) to be posted soon. Much love to all of you, thanks so much for 300 reads on here since I posted it all so late! If I could get 20 kudos for Christmas...? That'd be amazing. xx  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Louis shifts on the couch, his feet tucked behind his bum and his hands folded to serve as a pillow for his head. He's just about to go back to sleep again, as it's barely midnight, but something stops him.

A whimper. A call, something like a shout. Louis lifts his head and listens again, taking in the eerie quiet of the flat. Maybe he's just imagining it. He often imagines voices and faces when it gets late. He begins to lay back down on the cold, hard couch when it's there again.

His name. Echoing throughout the dorm, introduced and followed out by whimpers. The voice belongs to the only person he would ever imagine it to be from- Harry.

Louis springs to his feet, ignoring the stars he's seeing as he bolts down the halls, falling into Harry's room with a commotion. He gulps nervously and runs over to the bed, flicking on the lamp.

He's met by Harry with his eyes shut tight, tears dotting the corners of them, his hands fisting and knotting in the fabric of the sheets. His curls are stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his lips are parted slightly. He lets out a pant and a cry at the same time, calling once more Louis' name. His voice cracks and Louis is startled, jumping back.

"Shh, Harry I'm right here, wake up!" He assures him, looking behind him as Alice comes bouncing into the room.

"Not another one," she murmurs, kneeling next to Louis on the bed. "Have you woken him yet?"

"No," Louis admits, brushing back a bit of Harry's matted curls. "He won't w-"

"LOUIS!" Harry calls again, his hand flying up and grasping at thin air. His eyes remain shut and Louis lets out a choked cry, placing both hands on Harry's shoulders.

Alice sighs and takes ahold of his hands. She takes each one in her hands and pulls them up to her cheeks. "Harry, wake up, it's just another nightmare," she shouts at him.

Harry's eyes flutter open, fear etched deeply into them. He panics and his head swivels around, staring directly at Alice. His eyes and shoulders relax, and he screws his eyes shut for a moment. "Alice?" he whispers.

Louis frowns and looks down at Harry. He woke up for Alice. He called her name, instead of his; he was louder than Alice but yet he still didn't wake. Louis feels like every bone in his body might shatter, but he doesn't let it get to him.

"Where's Louis?" Harry whispers again.

Louis looks down at him, taking a hand and placing it over Harry's chest. "I'm right here," he says, offering him a weak smile. Harry looks up at him with wide eyes, motionless. Louis sighs and takes his free hand, running a palm across Harry's forehead. He brushes his curls back again and watches as Harry's eyes drift shut. Without saying anything, he positions himself in front of Harry and lifts the covers. He tucks himself into the bed, pulling the covers up to his neck. He wraps his arms around Harry's back, pulling Harry into himself so that his head is resting on his chest. He feels Harry's hands curl into balls and fist at the material of his sweater. Louis rests his head on Harry's, and feels the bed lift up beside him. He turns his head slightly and watches as Alice leaves the room, obviously realizing what is happening between the boys.

"I'm right here Haz," Louis whispers again, his hand raising to cradle the back of Harry's head. He feels Harry's chest heaving up and down quickly as he comes off of the nightmare he had earlier. Harry says nothing, tangling his legs with Louis'.

It takes a few moments of silence before Harry speaks up. "Lou?"

"Hm?"

"Please don't ever leave me," he whimpers. He raises his head up to look at Louis. Louis' eyes are shut tight, his eyelashes fanning over his cheekbones. Harry raises two fingers to his lips and kisses the skin, then touches Louis' cheek gently. He feels Louis' eyes open and he lowers his head to rest on Louis' chest again.

Louis takes in a deep breath and lets a smile slip onto his face. "I won't."

~

Louis wakes up with a warm body attached to his chest. He looks down and sees Harry's head full of curls, his hands placed flat against Louis' chest, his legs tangled up with Louis'. His lips twitch awkwardly sometimes as his breathing is slow and steady. Louis kisses the top of his head and feels him stir.

He pulls out from Harry, instantly feeling cold and alone. Harry's face twists up in discomfort and he reaches out before him slowly, grasping at thin air. Louis is careful as he tucks the blankets around Harry, watching as the boy's arms wrap around himself. He feels a smile play at his lips and he runs a finger down Harry's cheek.

He tiptoes across the room and pulls open the door, shutting it behind him. He approaches Alice's bedroom door and knocks lightly.

No response.

He pushes open the door to see Alice sleeping peacefully in her bed. Her hair is up in a ball of messy blonde hair, her makeup smudged across her cheekbones and a hand wrapped around her pillow. When Louis comes in, her eyes open just a peek. Louis stares at her patiently as she begins to wake up, first flipping her body to face the opposite wall and then addressing his presence.

"What do you need?"

Louis walks across the room and to the side of the bed that Alice is facing. He kneels down beside Alice's bed, so that he's eye level with the girl. Her eyes are still shut and it looks like she's still asleep, but when Louis sits down she opens one eye slightly.

"I need to you tell me what happened... last night with Harry," Louis says quietly.

Alice doesn't react for a few seconds. Then she begins to sit up, pushing the comforter to her feet. She rubs the sleep and the mascara from her eyes, then pats the space beside her. "Sit," she requests.

Louis moves up to sit next to her on the bed.

Alice sighs and shrugs. "It's been happening for a while now," she starts, looking at Louis with half-open eyes. "It's... just something that's been bugging him that you've been around to witness happening."

"Like what?"

"Well," Alice pauses. She takes a minute to gather her thoughts. "The first time it happened, he was yelling your name. And I mean screaming it, at the top of his lungs- I thought he was getting murdered. I don't think he knew he was yelling your name. I had to shake him for minutes on end to get him to wake up, and he was sweating like mad. His eyes reflected pure... like, terror or something. He was just asking me what happened, what happened, what happened. I didn't know. I didn't want to tell him he was screaming your name either."

"What happened since then?"

"I guess he knew," Alice whispers. "He kept asking me where you were. I kept having to tell him he was in America and you were in London, and you weren't going to be there next to him every morning. I had to sleep with him out of comfort that first week at uni. He'd still wake up sometimes wondering where you were after I got to sleep in my own bed," she pauses, looking over at Louis. He has his head hung, focusing on his fingers flipping around each other.

"At first, I thought he was just not used to you not sleeping with him. Now I think he's just scared you're going to leave him."

Louis looks over at her with big, round worried eyes and takes in a breath. The memory of Harry screaming last night plays over and over again in his head, Harry waking up for Alice instead of for him.

"I can't leave him," he whispers.

**~**

**Ayee, little baby chapter. Next update coming extremely soon. (:**


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband "One Direction" still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they're thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

Harry's eyes flutter open and he takes a moment for his eyes to adjust. He looks around the room and feels the empty space of the bed around him, his right hand stopping in the puddle of warmth and pushed-back covers beside him. He rolls over so his face is pressed into the fabric and he inhales, taking in the bit of Louis lingering there; he frowns and pushes himself up, remembering the night before. If Louis was in here, where did he go?

He gets up and looks down at his body; he's wearing nothing but black boxer briefs. He walks over to the nearest dresser and pulls out a folded black shirt, before deciding it's too fresh and leaving the room without anything other than his boxer briefs on.

He only walks two feet when he catches sight of Alice's door, a slim line of light trailing down the hall. He pauses in his tracks and stays motionless, zoning in on the whispering voices coming from inside.

Alice's voice comes first, and then it turns to Louis'.

"I can't leave him," Louis whimpers.

Harry's heart feels like it's pounding as fast as a jackrabbit's. He tries to catch more words, and instead hearing silence. He feels his breath hitch in his lungs and he struggles to move, but the pitter-pattering of feet catches up to him and the door is being pulled open before he's gone.

Alice walks out of the room and stops, one hand flying back behind her, probably to stop Louis from moving forward. "Eavesdropper much, Harry?"

"I only caught... no," Harry stutters, before Alice is leaving and Louis leaves the room.

Louis stops in front of Harry, his eyes scanning up and down his torso. He takes two fingers and pushes lightly on Harry's chest, a small smile playing on his lips. He wonders if Alice gets to have this sight of him all the time. Jealousy starts to run down his fingertips, but he shuts off the thought as quickly as it comes. "Put on some more clothes, love, don't want to catch a cold," he jokes.

"It's June," Harry replies back quietly, watching Louis scamper away laughing.

Harry trails behind him, meeting up to the pair in the kitchen. Louis starts gathering tea bags and little mugs, Harry watching as Alice begins pulling out supplies for pancakes.

Harry moves to sit in a chair at the breakfast nook, watching Louis move around the kitchen. He watches the way Louis' fingers curl around the handle of the mug and the way his heels slide against the tiles on the floor. He takes note of the way Louis tastes his tea, the tea he cannot make as well for himself as Louis can for him; and finally he watches the way Louis' lips move as he talks.

"Today... today is my last day visiting, you know," Louis' eyes droop as he looks over at Harry. He feels his stomach knot as Harry's eyes shut and his lips fold in on each other.

"I know. Three days, and that's it?"

"You and I both know I can't control it. This is the only time I really had, I'm sorry," Louis murmurs. Alice flips a pancake and then turns around, leaning on the oven. While Louis' back is turned, she looks over at Harry frantically. She sticks out her hands and connects them at the wrists, her fingers bent in as she mimicks the opening of a box- probably the ring box. Harry nods and then his eyes move back to Louis, who is now sitting his tea down in front of him. Harry takes the mug in his hand and sips at it.

"Maybe... maybe you'd like to go ice skating?" Harry suggests, his eyes flicking over to Alice as he says it. She smiles at him before turning back around to tend to the pancakes.

"If you can find an indoor rink open today, sure. My flight leaves at nine."

"I can do," Harry says, grinning as he takes another sip of his tea. He watches Louis take his own mug and sit across from him, yelling in a playful mood to Alice about the wonderful breakfast she's preparing.

~

Harry pulls up to the ice rink and parks his car, stepping out and waiting by the front door of the building for Louis to join him. Louis checks around for any paparazzi or oncoming people and sees none before taking Harry's hand. His worst fear is having someone around to screw up his last day with Harry.

They rent their skates and are on the ice within minutes, skating around to their heart's content. Harry doubles over with pain in his side laughing at Louis as he falls onto his bum, quickly slipping himself; the pair skate and share cute little jokes and every few minutes, and Harry's fingers skim the ring box in his pocket without Louis knowing.

Louis slips and falls again, looking at Harry in the most adorable way as he pulls him back to his feet. Harry's hands start to tremble and his knees feel weak. He clutches onto the ring and Louis' shoulder for support; they've been skating for two or so hours now with only small breaks, and Harry can barely bring himself to propose. Something doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like the right time.

"You alright?" Louis asks, tilting Harry's chin up so he can see into his eyes. Harry takes in a breath and shuts his eyes, nodding. He wraps his arms around Louis and pulls him close, struggling to keep them both on their feet.

"I just don't want you to leave," Harry whispers against his neck.

"I'll be back Haz. I won't leave you without me for the next three years," he murmurs, rubbing gentle circles into Harry's lower back with his fingers. They pull away and Harry gives him a quick peck on the lips, the couple skating around the ring hand-in-hand a few more times before making their way out of the now people-filled rink area.

They have their skates returned and the ice is only half-full with teenage skaters when Harry raises his phone to his eyes and checks the time. "I guess we should head back to the flat- er, I mean dorm. And have you packed up and fed before you have to... go," he suggests, all the while having one hand placed over the ring in his pocket. Not this time. He can't. It doesn't feel right. Even though he feels he must, he cannot- and that's probably why his head is racing and screaming, his knees wobbly with fear, his heart pounding against his chest. He feels Louis' tiny hand press gently to his lower back, winding around so that Louis is in front of him and his hand is on his hip.

"I love you," he says with a small smile.

"I love you too," Harry replies, wrapping his arms around Louis' neck and pulling him in for a brief make-out session in the rental lobby.

~

The day seems to drag on. Usually, spending time with Louis makes Harry extraordinarily happy and giddy; however, today the day seems to drag on and constantly reminds him of the ring burning a hole into his thigh. His fingers wrap around the box as he eats lunch and dinner with Louis and Alice, as he watches Louis collect his clothes and belongings off the floor of his bedroom, as they sit down and watch one more movie together; all the while his fingers dance around the box, mimicking him of his stupidity and coward-lessness.

Louis tucks into his side as they collect his things and head through the doors of the airport, Alice trailing behind them. The mood above the three was overall sad and dull, but nobody had the heart to lighten it up. Harry feels for Louis' hip and finds his hand wrapped around it, pinning Louis to him, as though if he was close enough they would become one creature. He places a kiss in Louis' mop of chocolate-coloured side-swept hair and takes a seat in the gate area.

Needles to say, silence hangs over the trio again for the half an hour wait they have to endure.

Alice brightens the mood about fifteen minutes in, taking a few "good-bye" selfies and watching as Harry and Louis share little kisses and kind words. They laugh for the rest of the time, eyes crinkling and words bouncing, before the call for the flight is announced over the speaker.

"Departure in ten minutes."

"Alright," Louis sighs, standing up and straightening out his back. Alice waves to Harry as he leads him off, not wanting to interrupt their departure. However, she keeps an eye on them from a distance.

Louis' fingers lace together with Harry's like threads of a skirt as they come near to the gate. He turns around and gives Harry a weak smile.

"We've done this little crying session in the airport way too much in the past year," Louis laughs, looking at Harry with pure fond glittering in his eyes. "Let's keep it tearless."

"I can do," Harry whispers. "I love you, Louis."

"I love you too, Harry. I'll see you again. And next time, I'll see you for longer. I love you."

"I love you too."

Louis pauses and stares at Harry again, feeling his fingers tensing beneath his. "I love you," he repeats again, trying to embed the words in Harry's skin. He doesn't want Harry to forget. He can't leave him; he's made himself a promise.

Harry stares at him again. He unlocks their fingers and instead takes Louis in his arms. "Don't forget me," he whispers in his ear.

"Promise."

With that, Louis takes his stuff and looks back at Harry once, before he's out the gate and gone, from what Harry feels like, his life.

~

Alice drives the way back home, trying to comfort Harry, who's finally let his emotions come to term with him and is violently shaking and crying shotgun to her. His grip on the ring box in his hand is crushing, and every so often he opens it up and takes the ring out, kissing the diamond in the middle of it.

"I ruined all my chances," Harry whispers.

Alice sighs and pulls up to the Harvard campus, looking at the signs that have announced the week's break (which conveniently fit right with Louis' planned visit.) She helps Harry out of the car and into the dorm with only minimal stares and fan-photography.

He folds into a ball on the floor only feet into the dorm, Alice standing before him, watching as the tears stream down his face. She kneels to hug him, but instead he raises a fist above his head and flings the ring above her. She ducks, as any person getting something chucked at their head would, and hears the ring hit the floor. She looks back at Harry and lets out a muffled cough, scooting over to him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"I never did it!" Harry shouts, raising his head only slightly to meet Alice's eyes. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it and now the chance is probably gone forever."

Alice's heart seems to split in two as she squeezes Harry. "Oh, please don't cry. I love you Harry. Things will get better, Louis will wear that ring someday."

"Thank you," he sniffs, taking a bit of Alice's sleeve and rubbing his nose with it. Alice doesn't really try to stop him, but the thought still makes her nose twist up in disgust. 

"I just feel like this was the last time I'll ever get the goddamn chance, Alice. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. And I'm in love with him."

**~**

**Late Merry Christmas to all of you! I love you. Happy reading. xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband "One Direction" still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they're thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

**DECEMBER 25: CHRISTMAS DAY**

"He's not going to call," Harry sighs, holding his phone up to his face to check it again. Nothing had been sent to him from Louis. On Christmas, the one day Harry expected Louis would try extra hard to call.

"He's probably just busy with family, Harry. Don't let it get to you," Alice says, taking a seat next to him on the couch and folding up under his arm.

"I am family." Harry grunts sternly, tensing. Alice raises her head and places two hands on Harry's chest, a little taken aback by his sudden half-anger half-whimper response, but determined to get him calmed down.

"Harry," she murmurs. "Maybe he can't... maybe he dropped his phone and it shattered or something."

"He would've used another."

"Harry," Alice repeats. Her eyebrows raise slightly to look at him. "Check twitter or something. Maybe he tweeted it to you."

Harry thinks for a moment before shaking his head. "He's supposed to be Eleanor's now, not mine," he whispers. "But I guess I'll still check."

Harry takes out his phone and feels Alice's eyes tracking the progression of the screen changes. "I don't want you looking, sorry," Harry mutters.

Alice nods and pushes herself up. "I'll be in the kitchen, call for me if he's said anything."

"Okay."

Alice treads heavily into the kitchen, and her eyes land on the medium-sized Christmas present on the counter. She pauses and considers giving it to Harry; it's from Louis, and only she knows it's here. She decides to give it to him after and listens quietly to see if her roomie is reading anything aloud.

Harry unlocks his phone and pulls up the Twitter app, sending out a "Merry Christmas" tweet to the fans, before going to Louis' profile once more. Nothing except retweets of his birthday the day before. Harry grunts and clicks on his direct messages. Maybe he DMMed him. He begins scrolling through the list of DMs from fans, shorter than the lists he had from previous years, when he sees the blue notification from  _Louis Tomlinson._

He eagerly clicks on it and draws in an exaggerated breath. There's a few messages from him that appear new, all linked together with a little (c) and then an (e) at the very last message. He starts from the top, reading them all in one solid motion.

_"Hey Harry. I know you called yesterday and we talked for a few hours on the phone and then on video chat for my birthday (and I sent out a letter as a reply too). I really loved that, and I'm sorry I haven't returned any of the calls or texts you've probably left me. I got into a car accident with Eleanor driving home at about one a.m. here from another scheduled date (we've become pretty well of friends, so it wasn't that bad and my birthday wasn't ruined, don't get your knickers in a bunch) and my phone got smashed in it because it was in the backseat. I only have a few bruises and scrapes. Eleanor... I don't know, she came out with a broken wrist even though the car hit my side. I'm sorry I didn't call. I'm alright. I'm a shit driver so it was bound to happen anyway. Merry Christmas Harry, sorry I didn't get to spend it with you :( should've came over for the holidays? Miss you. x"_

Harry chokes out a strangled sound and Alice comes darting back into the room, hearing Harry's muffled noises from the kitchen.

"Alright?" she squeaks, watching as Harry's lips part and his eyes droop.

"Louis," he whispers.

Alice sucks in a breath. "Is he alright, Harry?"

"No, he got in a car accident and he says it's only a few bruises but he was with Eleanor and she got her wrist snapped but it's okay but I'm sure he's not and I want to be with him and-"

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk so fast in my life, slow down," Alice says, half-laughing as she raises the back of her hand to Harry's forehead. "You're burning up."

"It's called fucking fear, Alice."

"I'm sorry," Alice mumbles, backing away from him as though he's a bomb about to release a dangerous explosion. She watches as Harry's face changes from accents of misery to accents of anger.

"I need a flight over there," he shouts, jumping up onto his feet. "Now!"

Alice jumps at the sudden outburst he's having. He runs a hand through his hair and then drops to his knees, pulling and tugging at the hair above each of his ears. "I need a flight over," he coughs out again, lowering himself to his bum and tucking his knees between his arms. "I need to see him."

Alice had her phone out the second he collapsed. "There's no flights out for the next five days," she tells him.

"I'll take the soonest one."

"It won't come back until after terms have started again and just because you're Harry Styles doesn't mean you won't get kicked from here if you keep skipping classes," Alice battles him, clicking off her phone and shoving it hastily in her pocket. She watches as Harry looks up at her, and her heart shatters at the sight of Harry's wet cheeks.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to move back there with Louis?" he asks shakily.

Alice shrugs, coming to sit beside him. "It's always a possibility," she says, studying his expressions. His eyes dart around in their closed sockets, and his fists ball and tug at the tight denim of his black skinnies. Inside his head, it's a nightmare. His mind has concocted up images of Louis getting hit with a car, and his hand wrapped around Eleanor's as tightly as it can be as paparazzi come running to his aid, his face cut and scratched, his eyes most likely shut and his body paralyzed in shock. Harry shudders as more fresh images come to his mind, but he shoves them back to focus on the words Alice is producing.

"However... what would you do there? You'll need a job. Louis will be gone most of the time to record, or go on tour, or have an interview or whatever," Alice whispers soothingly. Harry admires the way she can roll any word off of her tongue and have it not change octaves on certain syllables or get caught in her throat. His mind is quickly running to a new genre of thoughts again, however; mostly consisting of hospitalized Louis.

"What if he's in the hospital?" he spits out before he can control it.

Alice sighs. "They don't put bruised people in the hospital. Eleanor may be, but-"

"Which means Louis is probably getting his picture taken next to her bedside," Harry chokes, burying his head in his kneecaps again.

Alice stands up, pulling him to her feet. "C'mon."

"Where are we going?"

"I have something for you," she says satisfyingly, leading him into the kitchen where she knows the present was set on the breakfast nook table.

Harry walks in and looks around lazily. "What?"

Alice points to the gift on the table, and Harry's entire face seems to glow and perk up with a smile. "Is that from you?" He asks quietly.

"If you had asked if that was from  _Lou_ , then the answer would have been yes."

Harry's dimples pop and his mouth drops open, curling into a smile. He runs towards Alice and nearly knocks her over with the force of his hug. "Thank y-"

"It's not from me, don't thank me, go open it!"

 Harry lets go of Alice with the smile still plastered on his face. "You look like a clown," Alice giggles as Harry turns to run away. He whips back his head and sticks out his tongue before he's sat down in front of the box.

He stares at it for a few moments, out of shock more than anything, before Alice is rolling her eyes. "It's not going to unwrap itself," she mutters under her breath.

Harry swats at her, although she's on the other side of the kitchen. He takes the large silver bow in his hand and is about to pull it away when Alice interrupts the silence.

"It even has a little bow on it," she chuckles. Harry's cheeks heat up and he laughs, remembering the twitcam in which they were merely crushes, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and listening to the sound of paper being pulled away.

Before he knows it, he is cutting through and opening up the flaps of the plain cardboard box, the scent of his old London flat and Louis drifting to him. He takes in a deep breath and sighs, looking over at Alice hopefully, before looking down into the box.

First of all, there was a letter from Louis in the box on top of whatever gift he'd packed with it. It was most likely the letter he talked about in the DM, since Harry was sure he'd written the reply before his birthday came around. He takes out the letter, and below it there were little pink packing peanuts concealing whatever it was he'd sent out.

He lays the letter beside the box and sticks a hand into the S-shaped foam protectors pool, and feels his fingers graze at something thin and smooth. He pulls it out slowly to reveal an album. No, and not just any album; one that clearly said  _LOUIS TOMLINSON_  at the top, followed by  _FREEFALLING DREAMS_ and a downright stunning picture of the boy.

Harry sucks in a breath and holds the object in his hands, running his thumb down the spine of the album and then up and down the cover, flipping it over and reading the tracklist on the back.

_I Won't Let You Go_ , the hit single Harry had heard a few times on the radio and had a music video out, that was a direct response to Harry's solo song  _Don't Let Me Go._

_Full Life,_  the song Harry had only heard once, and acapella- before the instruments had been added and Louis had only figured out the vocals. Harry smiles at the memory and starts humming the tunes he knew of it as he reads down the rest of the list; the songs he'd never heard before or the songs he'd only heard names of.

_Freefalling Dreams, Red Roses_  (Louis had only sent Harry the chorus of that one),  _Across the Ocean_  (Harry's heart sunk as he realised the song was most likely written for him),  _Jailbreak, A Shot To The Heart, The Other Ones, Sex Dreams_ (Harry hoped many of those involved him),  _Let's Get Drunk, My Own Titanic, Holograms,_ and _A Home With Me._

Harry smiles and hugs the album to his chest as Alice comes over. "What did he give you?" she asks, trying to steal a peek at the album.

"His first album," Harry murmurs as he struggles to open the album. He pops it open to reveal a CD decorated with smiley faces, but X's replacing the eyes. "Typical Louis," Harry laughs at the decoration, reading the label that curled around the CD:  _LOUIS TOMLINSON - FREEFALLING DREAMS._

On the left inside cover, in white sharpie on the black booklet cover was a short note:

_First copy ever printed, and you got it instead of me. I love you. :) - Louis x_

Harry tries to hide a smug smile as he pushes the album into Alice's pleading hands, and she shuts it and turns it over and over again in her palms.

"Harry! It looks beautiful," Alice laughs, opening it and reading the note for herself. "Aww... I wish I was in love like you two. It just radiates off of you guys, doesn't it?" she jokes. Her smile falters a bit at the thought of love, the love she'd never had before in any way. In seconds, however, she catches herself and her smile is back on.

"I wouldn't say radiates," Harry says, picking up the letter and unfolding it. He holds the paper up to his nose first, taking in the scent of Louis. His scent seemed to be put into everything he touched. He earns a disapproving glance from Alice and laughs. "What?"

"You're smelling his letter."

"It smells like him," Harry spits back jokingly, turning his shoulders away from Alice and shielding the letter. "Go back to having a heart attack over your idol releasing a solo album."

"Shut up."

"Well, you're not denying it."

"I don't deny what's true," Alice teases, watching as Harry's dimples carve themselves deeper into his cheeks and his eyes drop down to the letter. She leaves him alone and goes to read the tracklist as Harry reads the letter.

_Dear Harry,_

_So this is like, the fourth letter I've written to you now? God, I have no idea why we text and write this shit. I've never written so much in my life. One day I'm just not going to reply to you because you put my hand in cardiac arrest (if hands can even do that?)._

_Merry Christmas! I'm gunna be packing this letter in with the box I'm sending you. I hope you've already gotten out your present... if not, do that now. I hope you like it! Give me your best feedback, I needed a lot of help with this album and a lot of the songs were written while I was thinking of you. Midnight Memories really helped me get my song-lyric writing skills in check! And now I did it all by myself! With a little bit of help on Jailbreak and Let's Get Drunk and Sex Dreams (no, it's not all about you, you cheeky bastard) because I'm not good with songs meant to turn on girls._

_I'm supposed to go on tour for the album once it's out! It comes out January 18. The fans are killing me about it. I hope I visit Massachusetts. I'm certainly going to make it happen and you're getting free tickets. I wish you didn't have classes most of the year because then we could go on the U.S. tour together and you could open for me._

_The dates with Eleanor are becoming more frequent, by the way. I have no idea why I thought they would just let me go. They're fucking bastards, all of them, just because I'm a solo artist now didn't mean I was gunna get a free go at love. Nope. Some of the fans are believing it again too- I hate those kinds of fans, mainly because they jumped to say they supported us and then they turn their backs and say we just did it to please the Larry shippers. They're still around, and lots of them. I think all of them stuck with me, actually._

_I love the Larry shippers._

_I miss you and I hope I can come over again, you tell me as soon as you get on your next break and I'll fly over there (or you could always come here because the fans at your campus are fucking insane even though I love them too) and maybe we'll do a little something while Sex Dreams plays in the background! Yay!_

_Anyway, I hope you like the album. Merry Christmas, I love you._

_\- Louis x_

By the time Harry's done reading the four-page letter, Alice has the CD in the stereo and the light verses of  _I Won't Let You Go_  are streaming through the speakers.

Harry folds the letter back up and walks over to the stereo, Alice dancing like a wildwoman. Harry stops and stares at her until she stops and doubles over laughing. "What?" She chokes out. "Have you ever seen a woman dance?!"

"Not like that," Harry snorts. "I just need to check out one song."

Alice starts shaking her arms up and down. "Hold up, after this song."

And then she's off dancing again with Harry laughing at her. The song comes to an end as Louis bellows out a high note, and then Harry is flicking and skipping through songs until he's stopped on one:  _Across The Ocean._

Alice collapses onto the ground, panting, as a piano melody starts off the song. There's no doubt in Harry's mind that Louis is the one playing it.

The lyrics start soft and low, stringing together from line to line and cute, controlled voice cracks going off like grenades across the song. And then the chorus comes, and all the other instruments come jumping in, Louis singing as perfect as he possibly can and beautiful high notes ring through the flat.

_My compass, your ship,_

_guide us across the ocean;_

_your voice, your love,_

_they guide us across the ocean._

_And I'll sing this song for you,_

_and you'll sing it back to me;_

_across the ocean blue,_

_I'll sail the sea for you._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three tours, and four years of hell. The image of this boyband “One Direction” still needs to be preserved for if they come back. As Louis and Harry start to regain a new life track, everything goes downhill. How can two people with such different reputations keep up a relationship, when they’re thousands of miles apart? Is it love? Fear? What keeps him going, when his partner has forgotten?

The new year passed, Harry's birthday passed, and the world seemed to keep spinning as the same routine was repeated daily for Harry. The weeks of sending and waiting for letters in the evenings after classes seemed to turn into months. Harry had memorized every single line and instrument rhythm in every song on Louis' album, calling occasionally when Louis bought a new phone to listen to him sing it. The fans were devouring the album and, even though it wasn't #1, it had taken a pleasing #6.

Harry sat and hummed out the rhythm as a storm raged on. Alice was up in her room napping, most likely; rainy Sunday afternoons in March were not any fun as it was. So he decided to look back on the letters he'd written, pulling out the box he'd kept all of Louis' letters in, remembering the ones he'd sent to the best of his ability. Starting with the letter he'd recieved with _Freefalling Dreams._

_Dear Louis,_

_Make sure you keep your hand in check. Mine is doing just fine. I like writing these letters. I would text, but it's not the same, because it's pretty damn easy to erase a message on mistake, but you can't throw something in the wastebin by mistake._

_Now I'm rambling. And no, hands cannot go into cardiac arrest, you royal arse._

_The album is too perfect. Each and every song... they're all just so, so beautiful. Even if it's full of guitar riffs and screaming and gunshots and children crying. The lyrics are beautiful, and I'm glad you wrote them; they all come from the heart and that's a wonderful thing. I love you, Louis. The songs that hit me the hardest are definitely I Won't Let You Go, Across the Ocean and A Home With Me. I miss you, but the ocean won't separate us (catch that?)_

_You better show up here in the States for tour! God Lou, you're a fucking amazing solo artist. I couldn't be prouder, love. Even if I can't go on tour with you, I'll show up to as many shows as I can. Schedule some on the weekends and it's a win-win situation._

_I'm sorry about Eleanor. And the car crash, but more than anything I'm sorry about the dates. Remember when you first started them? And all the time, you'd come home crying and I'd have to comfort you until you fell asleep. Just remember; at least you're not trying to pretend to love a total stranger. Fuck the fans who don't believe we're a thing, it's not them that matters, it's us, and if we have supporters then it's even better. I've always loved the Larry shippers, too. Even if we did have to bag on them and pretend they were ruining us. It hurt when we had to do that to them. I love them so much. We can never, ever repay our girls, Lou._

_I'll come home soon, Lou. I'm waiting for your reply._

_\- Harry x_

Gradually, the letters began to come less frequently. Harry would wait weeks for replies instead of days, and the letters got shorter. Harry began to panic, but he cherished what he had; Louis was preparing for a tour, he couldn't spend all his time on Harry.

_Dear Harry,_

_I'm glad you liked the album! Now, do you want to hear something really cool? Even if you don't I'm going to tell you anyway because I'm not waiting for you to answer before I tell you. I can't anyway. Anyway._

_The album went from #6 to #2 in a week, the fans have kept #AcrossTheOceanFromHarry trending all week on twitter, and I've managed to get a show planned for Boston in.... May, maybe April or something of next year? I'll probably cry when I sing Across the Ocean and you're in the front row. Hopefully you're on stage. That would be better. I love you._

_The dates with Eleanor are getting scary. We've become really great friends and I don't think that's a good thing. I mean, it is, but I'm scared I'm gunna start liking her and that's not going to be good! Don't worry. I'm gay. Err, bisexual. Yeah- I like girls too, like I liked Hannah, but that's beside the point. I need you around. Going home to an empty flat is getting so... depressing. I miss you around._

_Come back to meeeeee!_

_\- Louis x_

And he only got one more reply, before they just stopped coming. Harry began to wonder if they got lost in the mail, but when he texted and called Louis, no reply came either.

And he kept sending out letters. Little ones, talking about his days. And then a reply came to him, late July.

_Dear Harry,_

_I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to writing something up. I've been braindead. I haven't come up with anything to write. I'm going to keep this short and to the point because I don't want to babble._

_Don't worry about me, Harry. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still alive, still doing well. But if you keep panicking you're going to get a heart attack and I won't be around to save you. Calm down._

_If you're telling me about your days, I'll tell you about mine._

_They keep giving me more and more dates with Eleanor. Sometimes I have to go over to her house and sometimes I go over there by choice because the flat is quiet and eerie. Sometimes I invite her over. We hang out a lot, nearly every day now. We're practically best friends and I'm starting to... like her a lot more._

_It's probably because you're not around to assure me I'm in love with you. I don't know any different. I think this is what they planned. Without you around to stop me, I'm falling for her._

_I miss you tripping down the stairs and cooking me breakfast. I miss listening to you speak my name when you're half asleep. I miss your arms wrapped around my neck. I miss the meaningless lovebites. I miss having another body in the flat with me. I miss you. I've fallen in some deep trap and there's no ladder to crawl back to the ground._

_Help me Harry._

It hadn't even been properly signed off. Harry cried after reading the letter, cried until Alice came home from a dinner date with her friends and cried as she slept with him that night. He cried when he awoke from a nightmare and Alice had to get him to sleep again. He cried as he woke up, trudged out of bed and sat down at the desk in his room to write a reply, one last final goodbye, looking back at the sleeping form that was Alice wrapped up in his sheets.

_Dear Louis,_

_Please. STOP. You can't... you said you wouldn't leave me and I'm taking your word on it. I'm sorry about the dates with Eleanor that I can't help. I'm glad you're liking her as a best friend, but please don't fall in love with her. That wasn't how it was supposed to work. You're right too, it's all because I'm not around. Louis, please. Don't let being alone stop you. Call up Niall. It's been months, almost a year now, surely you can just... I dunno, he was so sad when the band split and you haven't talked in ages, he'll want to hang out._

_Please don't let Eleanor be the one to lift you to ground level. Don't leave me down here in the darkness._

_Louis, I'm sending my heart to London. I'm sending my heart to London without a return address._

_Take good care of it. It's fragile._

_\- Harry._

~

**THE FOLLOWING MONTH: SEPTEMBER**

Harry wakes up next to Alice, two arms wrapped protectively around her. He sighs and rolls over, rubbing his eyes so they can properly open. He looks beside him and watches Alice's slow but steady breathing, her hands folded to provide a cushion for her head as she lays on her side. He watches her until her eyes flutter open and she squints at him.

"Hello," Harry chuckles.

"Good morning," she replies softly, groaning as she sits up. "Talk to me about this nightmare last night?"

Harry considers it for a moment. In truth, he actually has no idea what he was dreaming about last night. Then he remembers; he remembers so clearly. He shakes his head roughly, pushing himself off the bed and leaving the room. "Eggs?" he asks behind him.

"Scrambled?"

"Sure," Harry smiles, leaving the bedroom and walking into the kitchen. He begins pulling out cooking supplies, thinking all the while of Louis. Louis. Louis.

He wonders if he read the final letter he'd sent out to him a week ago. He'd gotten no reply, although he expected it. He feels a few tears prick at his eyes and he redirects his thoughts, looking down at the eggs as he cracks them into a bowl.

"Harry?" He hears from down the hall, in a soft, scared voice.

"Hm?" he croaks.

"Could you... um, right. I forgot a shirt and I need to shower but I'm completely bare and I don't want to-"

"Use a towel, dumbass," Harry snorts, heading for Alice's bedroom. "Just kidding, I've got it."

"Thank you," she calls from the bathroom, her voice filled with relief. Harry looks around the room and pulls a shirt off of the ground, walking a bit down the hall and tossing the shirt into the bathroom. He's about to go and continue mixing the eggs when she grunts.

"I wore this yesterday! DId you grab it off the floor?"

Harry stops in his tracks and feels a smirk crawl across his lips. "Yup, I did," he agrees, watching as the bathroom door opens a little and an arm is thrust out with a shirt in it.

"Grab me my Rolling Stones tee, it's hanging in the closet, where clean clothes goes," Alice says sarcastically. Harry takes the shirt and laughs, retreiving the requested shirt.

"And don't throw the dirty one on the floor!" Alice shouts.

Harry drops the shirt anyway. "That's where I found it."

"Cheeky bastard," Alice snorts, her arm waving around through the crack in the door. Harry drops the shirt into her arms and leaves for the kitchen again.

"Welcome," he says as he gets to the kitchen. He listens to Alice's downright awful singing voice faintly, just barely audible over the sizzling of egg and the running water.

"God, how could I be roomates with such a tone-deaf singer," Harry jokes to himself.

~

Breakfast goes by faster than expected, full of awful jokes and Harry's tormenting of Alice's long and wet hair. He smiles and laughs, and she smiles and laughs, although something is off in both of them. Alice notices her roomie's flaw before he notices hers; mainly because his flaw is newer.

"Harry?" she asks quietly.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

Harry sets his fork down on his plate and looks up at her. His eyes begin to unwrinkle, and instead replaced with watery tears brimming.

"No," he replies truthfully, his voice small and broken.

Alice moves to hug him, wrapping two tiny arms around his back and bringing him to her, his face automatically burying in her shoulder. He lets a hand wrap around the small of Alice's back, and he sits while she stands, just hugging and bathing in each other's presence.

"I know it's hard, when he's not replying anymore," Alice whispers into his ear. She feels him nod against her neck, and she lets out a breath. "I know exactly how you feel. Flawed. Incomplete."

"... Betrayed," Harry adds to the list quietly. Alice nods.

"But sometimes you.... you just gotta move past it all, right? How about we go the park so you can get your mind off of it?" Alice suggests. She's actually in no mood to leave the flat, but Harry's been depriving himself of fresh air and his feelings were getting to him.

Harry looks up to meet her eyes, their faces inches from each other.

"I haven't been to the park in ages," Harry laughs, stepping away from Alice. Alice smiles and moves to take the plates on the table to the sink.

"We'll go as soon as I wash these dishes and get dressed, in the meantime, you get ready and... I dunno, do something about that greasy ass hair of yours. It looks like you haven't washed it since the nineties."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," Harry grumbles, wiping a few of his tears from his eyes. "Alice, I really miss Louis."

Alice stops mid-scrubbing to look back at him. "I... I know how you feel, Harry," she agrees again, turning back to her scrubbing.

"How? How do you know how it feels to have your heart taken by the one person you truly love?"

"I..." Alice pauses to think for a moment. "Not in the same way, but I know how it feels. To be betrayed in love. Lied to, I guess. Even though I'm sure Louis still loves you."

"He most likely doesn't, for the record," Harry declares, raising a finger. "And second of all, tell me what you mean."

"Harry, no."

"Alice."

"Harry."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Go take a shower and be ready in twenty minutes."

Harry positions himself on the weight of one hip, giving Alice a look of complete and utter disbelief. "Wow, so now we've got time limits, do we?"

"Just go," Alice giggles, taking a handful of bubbly soap and flinging it at Harry. He darts the bubbles and runs over to Alice, butting her out of the way to get a good handful of soapy water and toss it onto Alice.

"No!" she screams, using the plate she was washing to hide her face. Harry laughs and takes another handful, running it down her bare leg.

"Aww, Harry!" she coos, taking a hand and running it down Harry's shoulder as they playfight with the soap bubbles, tracking it through the kitchen as the sink water runs. Alice shouts and yells at Harry, who's slipped and fell on his bum several times now, as he continues to run soap down every inch of her body.

"I hate you," Alice chokes out, returning the somewhat-finished, clean plate to the drying rack. Harry stands up from his mess and brushes himself off.

"Look at the mess you've made!" Alice yells, a smile creeping onto her face as she looks down at the tile kitchen's floor. "You're cleaning it and then taking a shower, a good scrubbing."

"I already have," Harry teases, moving to a small supply closet and retrieving a mop. "Get ready while I clean this little bit up, alright?"

"I hate you, by the way," Alice reminds him, running down the hall towards the bedroom. "But I just like to make you happy, too."

Harry smiles as he mops at the floor, the silence of the kitchen letting his thoughts wander back to Louis.

**~**

**So Larry is DEFINITELY not over in the story yet, but it's a little subtle break in the relationship for a bit of Harry + Alice (Halice? Harrice? Come up with a ship for me?) and Larry will be back in the next chapter. Much love to youuu! xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

**A YEAR LATER - HARRY'S 2ND YEAR AT UNIVERSITY**

Harry wakes up with some kind of sticky wetness under his eyes. He sits up groggily and wipes at his eyes, looking down at his pillow. _Must have been crying in my sleep again_ , he thinks. It's not the first time this has happened since Louis stopped writing back to him.

He pulls a shirt that he finds on the floor over his head and puts on a pair of grey sweatpants. He finds himself lead into the kitchen by the scent of tea; his favourite. He turns the corner of the hall to see Alice sprawled on the couch in nothing but a Beatles tee and pink polka-dotted underwear.

"Nice outfit," Harry chuckles.

Alice shoots up, rubbing her face and then looking down at what she's wearing. She brings her knees up to her chest and blushes hard, looking at Harry and then down at his pants.

"I only get turned on for Lou- boys," Harry corrects himself as he nearly said his name, walking past the living area and into the kitchen to grab his cup of tea sitting on the counter.

Alice sticks her head into the kitchen, so that she can hide her nearly bare body. "Classes start at ten thirty, we've got about an hour until we need to leave, did you want to catch the news?"

"Yeah," Harry says, before turning to look at Alice. "Really? You think you need to hide everything you've got from me?"

"If you were a girl it would be different."

"I'm basically like a girl," Harry says, turning and leaving the kitchen with his tea in hand. "Nice panties."

"Shut up!"

He laughs and sticks out his tongue as she runs down the hallway into her room. Harry grabs the remote and turns the telly on, the news flashing across the screen.

He watches the regular reports; new break-ins, laws passed, fires around the area and the weather, until a screen comes up that's he's particularly interested in.

Louis' face appears on the screen first. Harry's heart nearly stops, as his first thought is that the reporter would say that he'd died that morning, but then the actual voice starts to talk:

_"And solo artist Louis Tomlinson who used to be a member of the boyband One Direction is making an appearance in Boston this bright and early morning! There is no report as to why, but we hope the young fellow is having fun here. Watch out for him, the successful young lad is definitely one to watch for!_ "

Harry's breath hitches in his throat. "Alice," he wheezes, setting the tea down on the coffee table with two shaky hands. "Alice!" he calls again.

Louis is coming. Here. To the States. To the exact city where he is, and the only explanation in Harry's mind is that Louis was coming here to see him. To talk to him, in person. To explain the reason behind the unanswered letters the past year he'd spent at university. Harry is finally going to see Louis. Louis still wants to see him... he can't process it before Alice comes running from the room.

"What?"

"Louis," Harry whispers, looking desperately up at her. "Louis is in Boston."

Alice seems to have been slapped with disbelief. "What?!"

"He's in Boston and he's coming to see me." Harry's face splits with a smile, and Alice seems to still not get what is happening.

"How do you know? Are you physic?"

"It was on the news," he replies, pushing himself off of the sofa. "I need to find out where he is."

Alice stares at him in disbelief. Harry finally notices she's put on a pair of tight fitting jeans that make her thighs look muscular, her shirt still unchanged. "There's update accounts on Twitter if that's what you're thinking," she suggests, pulling her phone out of her pocket and tossing it at Harry. "Go for it."

"I will. I'm gunna find him."

"In an hour?"

"I'm skipping classes."

"Harry," Alice laughs, moving to sit beside Harry, who has the phone in hand and searching for update accounts in seconds. "Just because he's showing up here doesn't mean you have to go find him. He could be anywhere in Boston. He could be here... I dunno, he could be here for a reason that's not you."

"But you don't understand," Harry spits back, his thumbs working madly. "I haven't seen him since last year and I haven't even heard for him or had the heart to and he's in the same continent as me, no, the same country and the same city. He's come for me and I know it."

Alice sighs, getting back up on her feet. "Well, I'm not skipping classes. I have major tests, just like you do," she says, punching Harry's shoulder lightly. He doesn't react to it in the slightest. "And I can't afford to miss them. So I'll see you when classes are over."

"Okay," Harry mutters as his roomie turns and leaves for her bedroom again.

The update account he's clicked on is updating about stats for his albums. He's about to click off and find another when the notification for a new tweet pops up.

He takes in a breath and clicks on it.

**Louis Tomlinson Updates** _@LTUpdatesUS_ Louis with a fan outside Crema Cafe, Boston, MA just now pic.twitter.com/SI5udc9rAL

Harry jumps off the sofa and runs to his room, throwing Alice's phone into her room on the way. He quickly tugs off his sweats and struggles into a pair of black skinnies. He decides his shirt and his hair is decent before he's pulling on his brown boots and telling Alice where he's going. He knows this coffee shop, Crema Cafe; he goes there all the time.

"I'm leaving to go see Louis!" he calls as he grabs his phone and a jacket.

"Have fun! Drive safe!"

"I'm running there!" he says, running down the hall and reaching the door just as Alice finishes her response.

"You're completely psychotic, but have a nice run! Be home by ten, don't go to the boys' home, and I better not catch you kissing!"

~

He's nearly to the coffee shop, rounding the corner to the street that he's on when he's greeted by an awful lot of talking of Louis. He runs faster, although he's out of breath and panting like a mad dog. And there he sees the mob on the left side of the street; fans toppling into the road, pressed up against the shops, and surrounding someone. Moving slowly. The backs are all he sees of the crowd, and they're pushing and shoving with phones out and cameras flashing.

"The word gets around fast here," he pants to himself, running towards the group faster. Louis is somewhere in that crowd, all alone. Probably getting pushed and shoved without Harry there to protect him like he always did. The thought makes Harry run faster, coming closer towards the mob.

Four shops away. And maybe they've moved quite a bit from the coffee shop, but the mob is so large but yet so small that Louis probably won't be getting anywhere for a while.

Three shops.

Two.

One.

And he runs into the back of a teen wearing awful short shorts for the middle of May, even if it's blistering hot outside. She doesn't acknowledge the full-on blow to her back though, so Harry thinks he's safe; hopefully nobody recognizes him. Although they might, because of Louis.

He immediately starts moving through the crowd, trying not to say anything in fear that some crazy fan might recognize his voice. He keeps pushing through, sometimes having to physically pick someone up by the shoulders and move them out of the way. He keeps his head down, trying not to trip over feet, and it's the best way to see some kind of shoe with crudely-drawn smiley faces with x's for eyes on the toe.

He feels like he's been navigating his way through the mob for ages when he looks up, and he sees he's at the center. A smile automatically comes to his lips and reaches his eyes, and he stands there motionless as people start to jostle him backward, and he's about to call out for Louis and he can only imagine what Louis' reaction will be, when he sees it.

His smile slides off his face and it's then when everything comes crashing down on him. It's then when reality slaps him in the face, when he finally decides to listen to the rest of the crowd's chants and jeers. It's then when his eyes focus on Eleanor, holding onto Louis' hand for dear life as he leads her through the crowd behind him, looking down at the ground and occasionally looking up and smiling for fan pictures. It's then when Harry hears the world around him go mad, and he trains his ears in to listen to them, as he feels himself falling backward into the swarm of fans with his eyes locked on Eleanor and Louis. His Louis. Or maybe not.

"Congratulations on your engagement!"

"I'm looking forwards to the wedding!"

"I love you more than your fiance!"

"CONGRATS ON THE PREGNANCY!"

"Is it a boy or a girl, do you know?"

"I can't wait for the baby pictures!"

"Your baby is going to be so cute!"

Harry tries to make a sound come up and out of his throat, but it's strangled and sounds beaten. Just like what his heart feels like. He feels an elbow dig into his ribs and his hand goes to grab the aching spot, but he decides the pain in his heart is worse and lets his hand drop.

He feels nobody behind him anymore. It's just the wind and the people knocking him backward as Louis tries to move forward. Harry takes a few steps backward, tripping, falling; but he quickly picks himself back up and starts to run. He runs away from the crowd. Away from Louis and Eleanor and the baby she's probably taking care of in her stomach. Away from the engaged couple.

He runs away from the boy he nearly proposed to a year ago. But now, his hand is in marriage with someone else. And it's too late.

Harry runs, runs as far as he can. He doesn't know where he's going until the Harvard campus comes back into his sight. He runs as he feels hot tears sticking to his cheeks. He sucks them in as he runs all the way up the stairs to the dorm, and he runs into the room and collapses in a ball on the middle of the floor.

Alice mustv'e already left for classes. He's alone. The emptiness and vast quietness of his home gives him time to think. No, this isn't even his home- it's the place where he lives while he's in the States. Home is with Louis. Home is where he comes down the stairs and cooks for the boy he's still madly in love with before he awakens. Home is in London. Home is with Louis. Home is with Louis. Home is with Louis...

He sucks in a breath and doesn't even get the chance to let it out before he's interrupted by tears. Not the ones that stick to your cheeks and roll down slowly and silently collect on your knees, but the ones that flow down your cheeks and don't seem to stop as you let out little coughs and can't catch your breath. The really heart wrenching tears. The tears that only come when your heart has been ripped from your chest and stomped on until it doesn't even resemble a heart anymore.

"Alice," Harry chokes out, sniffling in and then letting his tears overtake him again. "Alice!"

No reply. Of course not. A home where you're supposed to feel comforted doesn't reply to you unless the people that matter most are in it.

"Alice!" he calls out again, even though he knows nobody is going to answer him.

"Alice, help me," he whispers, choking and sputtering on his tears before letting his head fall to his knees.

~

Alice comes down the hall carrying a bundle of Chinese food cases and all her textbooks from the classes before. She grunts and knees the door three times, calling out, "open the door Harry!"

There's a few moments of silence until a scuffle of feet come from inside and the door clicks open. "What'd you bring?" he asks.

Alice looks up to meet his eyes, and instead of seeing happiness radiating from his body like she expected, his eyes are full of sadness. No, not even that; more like he is depressed. She nudges the door open and walks past him, expecting to see Louis sleeping on the couch or something, but he's nowhere. She shakes the Chinese food containers at him to answer his question and then asks another.

"Harry, did you see Louis?"

"Yes."

The one word answer comes to Alice's heart and she looks behind her. Harry is standing in the middle of the dorm, looking down at his feet with his hands locked in front of him.

Alice walks into the kitchen and slams the stuff down, although she just meant for the movement to be light. "And what did you do?" she asks, not wanting to push the boy farther than he wanted. Maybe he was all okay after all. She just wants to test the boundaries of which Harry was willing to go to.

"We said hi and I left."

"That's it?" Alice asks. She walks out of the kitchen and comes to stand before Harry. She raises his chin up so that he meets her eyes, and the depression reflects off of them again. "Harry, why is he in Boston?"

"For, a, uh... promotion. For his new album."

Harry is not the best liar. The moment he says it, his eyes flick to the left and then back down to Alice. He can't meet her gaze again and so she lets her hand drop to her side. Obviously, Harry is not willing to tell the entire story.

"He's working on another album?" Alice asks, deciding that playing along is probably the only way she is going to get anything out of him.

He fiddles with his fingers again. "Mhm," he hums. "Yeah, it's uh, it's going to be great."

"You should invite him over."

"What?" Harry looks up, fear flashing in his eyes. He doesn't want Alice to know anything, and even though it's worked, it's suddenly taken a turn for the worst. Alice notices it, the small bit of worry left in his system other than sadness, and thinks she's finally found the faultline.

"Yeah, you should invite him over," she states again, walking back into the kitchen. "Why not?"

"I wouldn't want to bother him," Harry spits out, too fast to be the truth. "He's, uh... he's got a busy day tomorrow. I wouldn't him to uh, lose sleep."

"His promotion is tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Harry sighs, out of relief. He lifts his eyes from the floor to watch Alice through the window in the kitchen, standing still as well. She's onto him. His lie isn't working anymore.

"Yeah," he repeats again, watching as Alice runs a hand through her hair. "He'll come some other time though, I'm sure of it."

The rooms are silent for a few minutes. Nobody knows when is the right time to talk. Alice is the first to break the silence, though.

"Alright," she says, walking out of the kitchen and falling onto the sofa. "Care to watch a movie with me?"

"Uh..." Harry begins walking towards the couch. There's no escape now. One way or another, Alice is going to read through him. He puts on his best nothing-is-wrong-with-me face on and sits down next to her, pulling the blankets over him.

The movie is about halfway through and it's pretty much silent until Alice sighs. "Harry, please don't lie to me."

"I know," Harry whispers. "I know."

~

"Harry, get up," Alice whispers, shaking his side. He grumbles and rolls over, opening his eyes and meeting Alice's. "What time is it?"

"Ten o' clock. There's classes today."

"I'm not going," Harry replies simply, rolling over so that he's facing the wall. "You can't make me either. I won't handle it."

"I wasn't going to make you. Are you sure you're alright? You don't even want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine," Harry grunts, before rolling back over and taking hold of Alice's hand. "Make me tea?"

Alice looks down at him and then nods. "Don't skip too many classes, okay? Tomorrow you're going to have to go back or else you might get called or something."

"I know, I will," Harry says, letting go of her hand and tucking himself under the covers. "Have fun today," he says as she turns to leave.

Alice stops and looks back at him, his eyes shut and his eyebrows pulled together in a worried expression. He looked so fragile and small under the covers, almost vulnerable. Alice almost wants to cuddle up with him. She'd done it before, so many times, but now she felt she wasn't able to when he needed it the most.

"I'll be back with your tea," Alice whispers, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

~

It's about midday and Harry is folded up on the couch watching some soap opera he lost interest in about an hour ago, when there's a knock on the door.

He groans and peels himself off of the couch. "Coming!"

He reaches the door and swings it open without bothering to check who it is first, and freezes at the sight.

Louis. Standing there, in front of Harry, looking as perfect as he could be. He has his hands in the pockets of a denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his feet a shoulder width apart. He's wearing a tee shirt Harry has never seen before, paired with a pair of circulation-restricting black jeans and white vans. His hair is up in a quiff again and he looks back at Harry, his eyebrows raised slightly and a small smile playing on his lips.

Harry doesn't do or say anything. Louis was just out with Eleanor the other day. Now he's... he's standing here before him making Harry's legs grow stiff.

"Hi," he lets out casually.

"Uhm..." Harry replies back, watching as Louis' smile seems to break. All Harry wants to do is take his face between his hands and press his lips to his. But he knows he can't. Because Louis is not his anymore.

"Right, uh..." Louis frowns, taking one hand out his pocket and instead reaching into the pocket inside the jacket. Within moments, he's pulling out a bundle of something; paper. Envelopes. Folded and crinkled and wrinkled and familiar.

"I think these belong to you," he says quietly and softly, his voice like silk, as he holds the letters out to Harry cautiously. Harry looks down at them without moving, and he knows them; those letters are the ones he sent out to Louis, that he kept sending out, waiting for a reply to come, waiting for some sign of Louis but never getting it.

Slowly, Harry sticks out his hands and takes the letters from his hands. "You... you got these?" he asks.

"Uh... yeah, I did. I do. They never stop coming. And that's... kinda why I'm standing here." Louis says. His lips fold in on each other and he pulls his hands out of his pockets, instead crossing them over his chest.

"What?" Harry asks quietly.

"Harry..." Louis starts. He shifts his weight onto one leg and holds his face in his hands for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. They're all a mess in his head and he can't make sense of any of them, but he must.

"Harry..." he starts again, letting his hands drop as he meets the eyes of the fragile-looking younger boy before him. "I can't. I can't keep getting this letters, Harry. You... you need to stop sending them. I've moved on. You need to move on. You... you need to let go."

Harry's mouth drops a little. He looks before him and feels tears prick at his eyes, but he mustn't let them fall because letting them fall would show weakness. "No," he whispers, looking up at Louis. Louis' eyes are crinkled and cold. Cold. Not warm and fuzzy anymore, like they used to be whenever Harry looked at him. "No," he repeats again, taking the letters he has in his hands and shoving them against Louis' chest. Louis stumbles back, watching as the letters fall to the ground and collect at his feet. He looks up at Harry, whose eyes are cold and sad and... dead. They're wet.

"No!" Harry shouts, shaking his head. "No! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Harry-" Louis says, reaching out to grab the shaking boy by the shoulders, but Harry jumps back.

"Don't touch me!" he shouts, shaking his head until his body is shaking harder too. "I've been waiting for you to reply and I saw you yesterday and I... I don't understand! I love you! I love... I used to love you! And... and now my heart is being torn out of my chest and it's deflated and I... no!" he shouts, feeling a tear run down his cheek.

It's over now.

Louis stands back in horror, listening as the boy spits and shouts more cruel words at him. He's turned into some sort of sad, raging monster since Louis last saw him. What happened?

"Is this because of me?" he asks quietly, but he's greeted by Harry's cracking, loud, broken voice shouting at him again.

"Yes, you fucking... you stole my heart and I... I sent you my heart! I told you it was fragile! And you dropped it and stomped on it and totally ignored it and I... it fucking hurts, okay?"

"Well I don't feel much different, did you know?!" Louis spits back, suddenly fed up with the rage boiling in the boy. The only way to fight him is by feeding it back. "I have a family I need to take care of and I can't keep getting these fucking love letters and carrying you around like dead weight!"

Harry stops and looks at Louis. Louis. Foaming and brewing up hatred, standing in front of his dorm room with the letters around his feet. The letters he's probably read, every last one. The one he's purposely ignored. Before Harry, stands his biggest problem. And it's Louis, and Louis' ignorance, and Harry's letters around his feet like little reminders of how foolish and ignorant _Harry_ was. Even though Harry wants to just scream his head off, he reminds himself who is standing in front of him. The boy he spent so much time on and the boy he loved, who never loved him enough.

"You didn't just say that," Harry chokes out, raising his hands to clutch at the fabric and skin protecting his heart. It's heavy, his heart and the clothes on top of it. He feels tears running down his cheeks and he tries to sniff them up, but it's no use.

"I did," Louis says, breathing heavily. "I did."

Just like that, he turns and leaves. He walks away from Harry. He turns his back and shuts him out, storming down the hall as a few neighbours start to emerge from their own dorms.

Harry watches him until he rounds the corner, and then he collapses to the floor.

"No," he cries, taking a few letters in his hands and feeling the writing he put so much thought into, thinking Louis was caring about them. He lets out a cry and keeps picking up the letters, collecting them in his arms, thinking of what had just happened. "No!" he cries again, holding a letter up to his nose. "No," he says, his voice fragile and broken. He repeats the word again and again as he picks up all the letters and hugs them to his chest, getting up on his feet and slamming the door behind him.

He runs to his room, throwing the letters down so that they scatter across the carpet and he jumps into his bed, letting his real tears fall. His warm, full-on hatred tears. He muffles the sound by stuffing a pillow under his face, pulling the covers around him up to his neck. He falls asleep eventually, crying and choking and crying some more, the entire time whispering the same word over and over again: _no._

~

"Harry?" Alice calls, walking in to the quiet flat. "Harry?" she calls again, dropping her textbooks on the floor next to the door and running down the hall.

She pushes his door open quietly to see him face-down on the mattress. "Harry?" she whispers.

He stirs. Alice waits calmly in the doorway until she notices the letters scattered all over the floor. She walks in slowly, kneeling down and taking one up in her hands. She starts to read it but stops at the heading; _Dear Louis._

She sets the letter down and stands up, walking over to the bed. "Harry, what's going on?"

"Alice," he murmurs, and his voice is hoarse.

"Harry, what happened?!" she says quickly, running over to the side of the bed and sitting down next to him. She tugs on Harry's shoulders until he flips over, and her face falls.

His eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks matching the colour of his eyes and his hands are balled into fists by his ears. "Oh my god, what happened?!" she says again, this time frantically, slowly stroking through Harry's wet, matted hair. "What happened while I was gone?"

Harry's eyes automatically squeeze shut, and he shakes his head. "Oh, Alice," he chokes out. His voice sounds as though he has a hole in his throat, raspy and rough like a smoker's in a television commercial. "Louis came and I..."

"Louis came?" Alice asks softly, looking down at him. His face is contorted up in pain no doubt, his hands unballed and instead clawing at his neck.

"Yeah and he... he came with the letters and... Alice," he whispers, choking on the last word. "I don't wanna say."

"You don't have to," she whispers. "I'm just really worried about you, Harry. I don't know what he did but it wasn't this bad last night."

"It got worse," Harry rasps, shaking his head. "But... I just need to sleep."

"Do that. I'll leave you alone," she says, standing up. "You don't even have to go to class tomorrow anymore. Just... if you need me, call. Okay?" she says, looking back at him. He nods.

She leaves the room and immediately has her phone out, dialing Louis' number and holding it up to her ear with anger coursing through her veins.

It rings three times before it picks up. "Hel-"

Alice doesn't even give him a chance to speak before she's yelling at him.

"What did you do to Harry?!"

**~**

**I'm sorry to leave you on a bit of a cliffhanger, this is my end-of-the-break gift to you guys. Happy reading! I'll have another update up as soon as I can! xx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

**Okay, I'm going to give a little note before this chapter instead of at the end like I usually do. I know there's been a lot of bad on Harry going on and good for Louis, and it's the same way in this chapter too, but it's about to flip a bit so stay with me! :) xx**

**~**

Harry wakes up early the next morning, the nightmares that kept him up proving to be too much for him. He immediately regrets telling Alice not to worry about him as he feels around the cold covers, sitting up and looking around.

His eyes land on the letters strewn across his floor. He groans and reaches for his phone on his nightstand, turning it on and waiting for Twitter to load.

The first thing in his feed is, of course, a tweet from only Louis himself. Harry takes in a breath and opens the picture that goes with it.

**Louis Tomlinson** _@Louis_Tomlinson_ babe is looking pretty fine tonight ;) Boston! pic.twitter.com/34SdcwQu

Harry's heart clenches as the picture loads. Louis is laughing with his eyes wrinkled and shining bright, his head thrown back into a laugh as Eleanor's laughing and kissing his cheek. Out behind them, they're holding hands as Louis takes the picture. And it's cute. He looks happy, just as happy as Harry used to make him.

Harry takes his bottom lip between his teeth as he pulls up the "new tweet" box. He thinks about it for a few moments, before his thumbs finally come into contact with the keyboard.

**Harry Styles** _@Harry_Styles_ It used to be just a feeling, but now I know that I am all alone.

He sighs and throws his phone onto the bed, pushing himself up as his phone starts to buzz. It only ever buzzes when he tweets and it goes crazy for a few solid minutes. He goes over to his dresser and pulls out a pair of skinny jeans and a Ramones tee, putting them on before going to retrieve his phone again.

Fans. Panicked, worried, asking for follows, the lot; he ignores them and stands with his weight balanced on one hip.

As he's scrolling through twitter again, one tweet catches his eye: _Louis Tomlinson, Boston, Full Interview._

One hand flutters up to his mouth and he bites the side of his finger as he clicks on the link.

Youtube pops up, and after a short introduction, Louis is sitting there alone in what looks like a dressing room. He has on a hoodie, unzipped to reveal a oddly printed grey T-shirt, his hair combed to the left and stubble littering his chin. Harry feels himself grow nauseous; even though Louis was standing in front of his door the other day, he looked nothing like this. He looked younger. And now, on this screen, he looks rather grown; Harry brushes it off and watches as he answers a few questions.

They're all about his album and his singles, a few about Eleanor and about his friends, and then the worst question Harry could possibly imagine is spoken.

"So Louis, the fans wanted me to ask about you and Harry... what happened?" the interviewer asks.

Louis' eyes drop to his knees and his eyebrows knit together. He thinks for a few seconds and then looks back up and shrugs. "Well," he starts, sighing and flashing a smile. "We came out right after the band broke up, like, literally a few hours before we decided to call it off and we had that interview. A few fans took pictures of us holding hands as we went into the studio and then we broke up there. Like, minutes after."

"What's happened since then?"

"Uh, well..." Louis' eyes flutter shut and then he opens them, focusing on the ground with such intensity Harry is sure there might be someone there.

"He... it was maybe half a year after? And he told me he was leaving. And that was hard. But I brushed it off and like, he said goodbye and then left for here..." Louis raises his arms and swings them around, motioning to the room around him. "So he's going to univerisity here in Boston."

"Did you see him?"

"Uhh, no."

Harry sucks in a breath at the little lie and studies Louis' facial expressions. He looks a bit stressed, but before the interviewer asks another question Louis is talking again.

"Since I last saw him, he's changed. He's not how I remember. He's... different. Somehow I ended up really falling in love with Eleanor and I couldn't be happier," a smile splits Louis' face in two, and Harry cringes. "You know, this little fan thing they called "Larry Stylinson" will never be a real thing again. Probably. We're both different. I'm happy how I am now, and I have a child on the way... and I hope he's happy too."

Then, the questions have drastically changed and Louis is laughing and grinning talking about Eleanor and the baby. Not Harry, but Eleanor. 

Harry groans and stuffs his phone in his pocket, going out into the kitchen.

Alice is busy tending to tea. When Harry walks in, she looks up and frowns. "Where do you think you're going?"

Harry takes a seat and looks up at her. "Uh... there's classes today?"

Alice takes a moment and then nods. "Oh. Right. Sorry. I... never mind, you just never get dressed this easily. I usually have to wake you up."

"I know," Harry sighs. "Yup. Louis is definitely over me."

Alice freezes and turns around to face him. They stare at each other for a little bit before she extends her arms and stands still. Harry stands up and walks over to her slowly, raising his arms and then wrapping them under Alice's.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she murmurs into his ear. He nods and positions himself so that he's comfortable in her arms. The embrace is warm and comforting, but to Harry nothing still feels right.

"I miss him."

Alice pulls away and shakes her head. "No, you're not going to wallow in self pity. None of this is your goddamn fault. It's all Louis. He's a fucking ass for thinking he can just say he's in love with you forever and turn around and just... leave you because he doesn't have you. Don't you ever blame yourself. Blame him. He's so fucking rude."

Harry looks at her with cold eyes. "Alice, just because he did it doesn't mean you're allowed to go and say shit about him."

Alice looks back at him and then turns back to the tea. She sniffs in and Harry stands still, watching as she raises a hand to her eye and wipes at it. "I just don't want you hurt," she stutters, stirring sweetener into her tea.

Harry turns and leaves the kitchen, instead taking a seat on the sofa. He listens to Alice shuffle around the kitchen, sniffling as she sips at her tea. After a few minutes she calls out, "Harry, I can't finish this."

Harry sighs and stands up, retrieving and finishing Alice's cup of tea and then proceeding to gather his books and get ready for the day. They walk next to each other, silently, up to the main building before Alice hugs him goodbye and leaves for the Law department.

Harry finds his way to his classes alright, sits down, and finds he has twenty minutes before anything is actually happening. He rips out a piece of paper from his notebook and checks the room around him.

He takes out a pen and scribbles a few words at the top of the page.

_I'm sorry Alice. I've got to leave. I don't even want to deal with it._

~

The air is still and cold when Harry wakes up. He drags himself out of bed quietly, getting dressed in the regular; skinny jeans, some random T-shirt in his drawer, and groggily stringing a bandana headband in his hair.

He checks the time. 4:31am. Good.

He shuts his phone off and shoves it in his pocket along with a few dollar bills, moving over to the desk in his room. He opens a drawer on the left and pulls out the note he'd been working on before class yesterday morning and last night. He creeps over to his bed and takes in a breath as he sets it down on the pillow, pulling the covers up and releasing his breath when he's done.

He leaves his room and sticks his head into Alice's room. She's sound asleep, the covers pushed back to her ankles, laying on her stomach with her arms tucked under her pillow.

Harry smiles and tiptoes down the hall, careful not to make any noises, and slips out of the dorm and across the campus until he's onto the street.

He turns toward the coffee shop first, the one he'd seen Louis in front of only days before. He waits outside for about half an hour until it opens at 5:30, ordering a french vanilla cappuccino and watching as the streets fill up at a table next to the window.

The entire time, his thoughts are racing and his heart is pounding. He feels so lightheaded that he fears he's going to pass out before he can get into action. He pushes himself up from the table and throws the cup into the trash, thanking the girl behind the counter and leaving before she recognises him.

He tries to think of a place where leaving would be easy. By the time he's thought of something, it's around 6:15. He begins running to the only place he could imagine; the subway.

He blends into the crowds and nearly trips down the stairs, his vision going blurry. He shakes his head and breathes in deeply, exhaling and finding his vision clearing.

_You're not going to chicken out, Harry. It'll be fast. Painless. Even less painful than what Louis has put you through._

He sits down on a bench and looks up at the schedule, but he finds himself easily distracted; his eyes focus on the tracks before he can get a good idea of anything.

He studies the way they sit on the stone ground, staring at the metal bars before imagining a subway crossing it. And then he imagines himself lying across the tracks.

He sucks in a nervous breath and his fists clench. He feels his leg bobbing up and down as he looks back up at the schedule.

A subway is coming in exactly ten minutes. He had ten minutes.

He stands up and walks slowly up to the edge of the tracks, stopping before the yellow line on the sidewalk marking off where it was unsafe to cross. He stares down at it as people bump his shoulders and then stand away. He stares down it for what feels like ages without moving.

He looks backwards at the schedule again. He had one minute. One minute or never.

He starts to shake as he puts a foot across the line, and then his mind takes him by surprise and he imagines Louis.

Louis, standing there on the tracks, is looking back at the oncoming car with fear in his eyes. _"Harry, don't,"_ he whispers in his mind. _"You don't want to do this. I love you."_

Harry takes his foot back and shakes his head violently, watching Louis disappear and then he stumbles backwards. "I can't, even if you don't love me," he whispers to himself.

He feels tears at his eyes as he runs out of the subway, running down the street and thinking of Louis the entire time. It wasn't going to be easy, if he was going to show up every time.

~

Alice wakes up and grumbles, looking over at the alarm on her nightstand. It was about ten.

"Shit, I slept in late," she mutters to herself, rushing to get out of bed and changing into jeans and a sweater. She moves in front of the mirror and wipes the mascara and eyeliner under her eyes.

"No shower," she says to herself, deciding her face is alright. "Harry, are you up?"

She hears no response. She shrugs and runs a brush through her hair, combing out the knots before leaving her bedroom and heading into the kitchen.

On her way, she doesn't see Harry.

"Harry?" she calls out into the room. No response.

She groans and trudges to his room, pushing open the door as she says, "Harry, why the hell aren't-"

She stops and takes a step into the room, looking around. "Harry?" she whispers. The room is abandoned, eerily quiet and the scent of men's cologne light in the room. She looks around and her eyes land on a piece of paper on his pillow. The covers are pulled up nicely, and the room is tidy, making the note look extremely out of place.

She crosses the room slowly and takes the note off the pillow, opening it. As she reads it, her eyes begin to fill with tears.

_I'm sorry Alice. I've got to leave. I don't even want to deal with it._

_Louis takes up all of my mind all of the time. I don't like it. Because after the failed proposal, and after the replies stopped coming, and after seeing him and Eleanor, after he came to the dorm and told me to move on, after he said I was different, that we were different, I knew I couldn't handle it._

_I'm in love with him and that's not going to change. So I think I need to run away from it instead of trying to face it, because it's not going to get any better. He wants me out of his life. And I want myself out of this life. So let's satisfy the both of us._

_Thank you Alice. You are beyond incredible and I can't believe you've stuck with me all this time. Thank you. Thank you so much._

"Harry," she croaks. The note falls from her shaking hands and she paws at her face. "HARRY!" she screams, running out of his room and out of the dorm.

**~**

**Cliffhanger! I promise an update is on its way, thank you :) xx  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

Alice runs, trying to make sense of signs and directions out of the dorm halls as she fumbles for her phone. She rips it out of her pocket and nearly drops it, quickly dialing Harry's number and holding her phone up to her ear. She comes to a stop in a corner by the staircase, biting on her nails and choking on her tears.

Five rings, and then, "Hi, you've reached the voicemail of-"

"No!" Alice cries, ending the call and trying again.

"Hi, you've reached-"

"Harry, pick up!" she chokes out, wiping at her tears furiously and running towards the exit of the dorm halls.

She tries again, several times to only reach the same conclusion; "Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Harry Styles, leave a message and I'll get to it later."

She bursts out of the doors and finds herself running down the fields toward the gates of the campus. She stops just as she reaches them and turns so that her back is resting against the gate, sinking to a sitting position. She pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them, setting her head down on her arms and crying.

She hesitantly raises the phone back up to her ear with a different line on the other end; Louis Tomlinson's.

He picks up after the second ring. "Look, I don't want to start a fight right now... wait, are you alright? Are you crying?"

"It's Harry," she chokes out, her voice barely a whisper. She hears Louis take in a breath and sigh. "I can't help you with that."

"He's left," she says, her voice cracking and breaking as another surge of tears come. She wants to explain more, and her mind is screaming at her, but she can't.

"How can I help you with that? He's not my responsibility anymo-"

"No, it's a suicide note. He's left. And it's because of you," she whispers, her hand in front of her mouth in a fist.

There's a sharp intake of breath on the other end. "What?! No."

"Yes."

"Are you looking for him?!"

"I... where are you?"

"I'm in bloody London!"

Alice pushes herself to her feet. "You left already?" she chokes out, turning to look off campus. She starts scanning the streets and shops around her.

"I have a lot to do back here, are you searching for him?! He can't be gone already! No!" Louis shouts, running around in circles. He looks around the living room he's standing in, at Eleanor coming over with a panicked expression and he shoos her off angrily. Right now, it's about Harry. How badly he's fucked up with Harry.

"I don't know how long ago he left," Alice says, breathing through her nose heavily, trying to calm down. "Where do you think he would go?"

"God, anywhere if he's trying to... check the coffee shop. The music stores. The trains and subways. Get everybody to help you, and-"

"Louis, there's classes today!"

"I'll... I'll send out a tweet, okay? I'll get the fans to help. Anyone in Boston. Anyone in the state. Alice, fuck- I screwed up."

"Yes, you did," Alice spits back, pulling her car keys out of the pocket of her leather jacket she'd thrown on as she was leaving. She looks down at the toes of her boots and sighs, taking off towards the parking lot. "But this isn't about you right now. This is about Harry."

"Right. I'm going to have to get off now. There's... I gotta make the tweet. Fuck. I'm going to call you back."

"Alright," Alice says, running up to her car and getting in.

She begins driving with shaky hands, turning onto the streets she knew Harry was a frequent visitor of. Back in London, Louis rushes to his computer, pulling up Twitlonger and quickly typing something up.

**Louis Tomlinson** _@Louis_Tomlinson_ EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS ME NEEDS TO READ ALL OF THIS. Do not tweet me about anything for the next day or so unless it involves Harry Styles. Do not. Do not clog up my notifications because I will not answer them unless you are a fan in the Boston USA area and you are looking for Harry Styles. Harry Styles is missing. He could be anywhere in Boston. I need everyone around there to look for him, I don't care what you're doing today but I need for you to look for him. TWEET ME IF YOU FIND HIM ANYWHERE, AND DO NOT JOKE. We need your help. If you find him we need to know; there's limited time, and limited as in we do not know how limited but it needs to be ASAP. Thank you so much.

He posts it and then steps back. His feed is silent for a few seconds until it erupts with retweets and favourites. And then the fans aren't listening. They're asking for follows and saying "I hope you find him!" for a few minutes, and then it gets deadly silent.

He takes in a breath and calls Alice again, his eyes locked onto his notifications as a few fans start tweeting: "I'm in Boston. I'm looking."

Then the trends start coming faster than they should; _#FindHarry #HarryWhereAreYou_ and the mix.

Alice picks up the call as she walks into the coffee shops she knows Harry has ever tried out. She picks one and looks around before leaving.

"Found him?" Louis asks quickly.

"No, I've only been to one shop. Post the tweet?"

"Yes. They're trending, they've nearly stopped tweeting me... and about twenty fans are looking for him."

Alice lets out a sigh of relief and gets back into her car, driving for a few minutes before coming to another shop and getting out. "I can't believe this is happening," Alice says, feeling her throat start to constrict and her breathing thinning out.

"Don't cry again. We'll find him," Louis assures her, pacing around the small office in his house. Eleanor comes in and he turns around to look at her.

"Is everything alright?" she whispers.

"No. Go away."

She gives him a hurt look and turns to leave, shutting the door behind her with their baby, Holly, held in one arm. Louis sighs and rubs his hands down his face again, listening to the sounds of Alice walking around.

"Is he there?"

"God dammit Louis, if he was here you'd know."

"Alright."

The line goes silent as Alice gets into her car again, thinking of the next place to go. She looks around at the streets and takes in a shaky breath. "I hope we find him alive," Alice whispers.

Louis squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head roughly. "Don't you fucking dare say that," he spits. He moves to take a seat in the chair before the computer, looking as the worldwide trends start to involve Harry.

He clicks on his notifications and looks at the tweets from minutes ago.

"I'm looking!"

"I'm fucking crying we're gonna find him Louis."

"WHERE DOES HE USUALLY GO TO?!"

He quickly makes another tweet to narrow down the search options. He gradually begins to make tweets every few minutes, the fans retweeting and spreading without directly saying anything to him.

**Louis Tomlinson** _@Louis_Tomlinson_ He goes to a lot of coffee shops, probably to music stores and subway stations..

**Louis Tomlinson** _@Louis_Tomlinson_ fuck it look everywhere and anywhere

**Louis Tomlinson** _@Louis_Tomlinson_ spread off into groups 

"I haven't found him yet and I've been to eleven shops," Alice chokes out on the other line.

Louis feels his heart clench and he turns away from the computer screen. "You can't give up. Not yet. Look all night. I've got to go. I'll call you if the fans say anything."

There's no response for a few seconds as a car door slams on the other line. "Okay," Alice whispers.

~

The minutes of panic and worry soon turn into hours. Lunch comes around, and Alice still hasn't found any sign of him; neither have the fans. She pulls up to a deli, orders something and eats in the car, furiously trying to keep the tears off her cheeks as she bites her sandwich. She trudges on to the music stores after checking every shop up and down the streets a mile from campus. All the while, Louis keeps calling and checking and updating her on the fans' statuses. He calls and sometimes he just talks to Alice to keep himself from crying.

The clouds pass through the sky, and the sun begins to set. Alice keeps looking. Hopeless. She almost thought about going to the police; but hearing that he'd died isn't what she wants.

She finally decides around eight o' clock that if he isn't back home by midnight, he is gone and she'd have to file a police report in the morning. The fans get more and more worried as the hours tick away. And Louis' calls become more frequent. More watery and his words become more broken and come in stutters. Even Eleanor knows now; even she is staying up as the hours tick away.

Alice pulls up to a mall and sniffs, reaching for her phone again. She dials Louis' number, even though it's already 2:45am there. He picks up halfway into the first ring.

"It's nearly three in the morning here," he whispers to the line. He picks at the fabric of his pajama pants, his feet folded up on the desk in front of the computer. "The fans have nothing."

"I have nothing either," Alice whispers. "Louis... I think."

"I know what you think.  It's not going to happen. Keep. Looking."

"Louis, it's nearly ten at night here... we've been looking all day. I'm getting so tired. The shops are closing. I've had enough of running into worried fans and sharing information about nothing. If he's alive, he's damn good at hiding. He doesn't want to be found," she grumbles, looking out at the people around her leaving the mall.

"He's alive."

"Well, he's not coming," Alice cries back, feeling her tears start to run down her cheeks again. She lets them this time. Her cheeks, by now, are red and raw. "I'm going back to the dorm."

"What?!" Louis jolts up, shaking his head. "No! You can't just give up!"

"I have to!" Alice snaps back, putting her car in reverse. "I'm half an hour out of Boston by now. He can't have walked this far. I'm so tired. He obviously has no intention of coming back to us. He's gone."

"He's not gone," Louis chokes out, his own tears on their way. "He's not gone. You have to keep looking."

Alice begins to drive again, turning onto the interstate. "Well, I'm not."

Louis slumps back into his chair and hangs up the phone, putting his head in his hands. He's fucked up. He fucked up everything he had with Harry for Eleanor, and all because he was lonely. Because he'd let the fake love turn into real love, and he'd left Harry alone instead. It was all his fault.

"All my fault," Louis chokes out, as Eleanor comes into the office room again.

"It's 3am," she whispers, kneeling beside him. He looks down at her and nods. "I think he's gone, Louis."

Louis lets out a loud sob, shaking his head vigorously. "He's not! He's-"

His phone suddenly buzzes on the desk. He scoops it up quickly, noticing it's a text. He almost sets his phone back down before reading the name: _Harry._

He bolts up and flashes the phone at Eleanor. "It's fucking Harry! He's alive!" He screams, before Eleanor shushes him. He remembers Holly sleeping and he shakes his head, quickly opening the text and sucking in a breath.

_I can’t do it. You’ve fucked me up, did you know? But I can’t do it. I’m sorry._

Louis knocks Eleanor off her knees as he stands up, his hands trembling furiously as he calls Alice again, feeling his cheeks heat up and his heart start to race. Eleanor stands up and waves as she leaves, only hoping he's alright.

Alice picks up and Louis gives her no time to speak.

"He texted me!" Louis chokes out, wiping at his left cheek. "He fucking texted me and he said he can't do it and that he's sorry and- Alice, does this mean he can't live or he can't die?!"

Alice's eyes widen and she takes the nearest exit, earning a few honks from the cars behind her, but she doesn't take notice. She quickly swerves into the nearest parking lot and listens to Louis ramble.

"I'm sure he's-" she starts again, but she's cut off.

"I got another text! Hold on, I'll call you back-" and then the call ends abruptly. Alice takes in a breath and holds it in as the feeling in her stomach starts to take over her. She can't believe anything that's happening. He's alive. Which means he's damn good at hiding. But he's either about to commit or he's coming home, and the options are so extreme she can't make sense of them.

Louis calls back again and she doesn't wait a second too long to answer.

"He's at the coffee shop," Louis says, whispering. "He's at the coffee shop. Our coffee shop. Which one is that?"

Alice shakes her head and feels tears of joy stinging at her eyes. "My god," she says, turning her car back onto the road. "I know which one. I'll be there in five minutes max."

And she speeds to the only coffee shop she knows he could be talking about; Crema Cafe.

She turns onto the street and spots Harry sitting, shuddering up against the wall of the cafe. She speeds to the shop and pulls up next to it, Harry's head tilting up to look at the car. She pauses for a moment, just taking in the sight of Harry. Alive. Right in front of her.

"He's alive," Alice murmurs, jumping out of the car and hanging up on Louis.

Harry looks up as Alice rushes to him, kneeling down and pulling him into a hug. "Oh my god!" she cries, feeling his back as he stays limp in her arms. She feels her eyes heat up and tears start to fall for the hundredth time that day, as Harry finally realizes she's there and buries his head in her shoulder.

"Harry! What were you trying to do to us?" she chokes against his shoulder, collapsing in his lap. Her bum is placed on his thighs, Harry's legs flat against the ground, his arms wrapped loosely around her back and her wrapped tightly around his neck. 

"I was just trying to step out of everyone's way. I was just trying to numb my own pain," Harry says flatly. Alice doesn't pull away from him to look at him. She just tightens her grip and folds her legs up so that her feet are dangling a few inches off the ground.

"By committing? Harry... why are you still here?" Her words are muffled against the collar of Harry's jacket.

"I kept trying, Alice. But every time I tried... Louis was there. Telling me not to. You shouldn't have come looking for me. You don't have to treat me like a fucking child."

Alice takes in a shaky breath and nods. "Harry. I love you."

He shuts his eyes and finally squeezes her tight. "I love you too. Thank you."

"Harry...?" She asks, her face still nuzzled by his ear.

"Hm?"

"Louis has been crying and worried about you all night."

Harry stiffens and shakes his head. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying," Alice states simply, finally pulling away from him and climbing off of his lap. Harry can't tell exactly, but she looks mildly hurt. She sticks out a hand for Harry to grab, and he takes it, pulling himself up to his feet.

"Let's go home and talk about this, alright?" Alice offers gently and quietly. Harry nods after a few seconds, and then his attention is directed to a fan running down the street towards him.

Alice stiffens as the fan nears him. "Harry!" the fan cries.

"I'm sorry but this isn't really the time-"

"Alice," Harry cuts her off with a hiss. Alice stops and takes a step back, out of the way of Harry and the fan.

The fan takes a step forward. "We've been looking for you all day," she says quietly, opening her arms. Harry takes a moment to think about it before folding into her arms, giving her a light hug. "We care about you so much," she says against his chest.

He pulls away and nods.

"Would you mind...?" The girl asks, holding her phone out to him. He nods, positioning himself for a selfie with the fan. She almost clicks the button when she stops.

"Wait," she says, looking over at Alice. "I want you in here too."

Alice stands still, a bit shocked for a moment, before nestling herself up against Harry and smiling up at the camera with him. She feels Harry snake his arm around the small of her back just before the flash goes off.

"Thank you," the fan smiles as she pulls away. Harry's arm is still protectively cradling Alice's back. "I'm so glad you're okay," the fan whispers, before addressing Alice. "Are you two...?"

"I'm his roommate. Alice," Alice says, feeling Harry's hand tighten on her hip. "Harvard."

"Oh. That's so nice. I'm sorry about Louis," she says, turning to Harry. "I saw the interview. The tweets. I'm sorry."

He turns his head down and steps away from Alice. "Yeah," he says. "I'm sorry too."

Alice sighs as Harry turns to the car. "I'm sorry. It's been a long day," she says to the fan, before waving and climbing into the driver's seat.

They drive back to campus, which is only about a two minute drive, and Alice doesn't even have to ask when she climbs into his bed and has her body encompassed by Harry's arms.

They've almost drifted off to sleep when Alice whispers, "You need to go to therapy."

Harry grumbles and flips over, pressing his back against her. "I'm not sick. I'm not mental. I'm not going to fucking therapy, Alice."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

Harry wakes up and almost rolls over when he feels Alice in his arms. He takes in a deep breath and presses his head to hers, her hair tickling his nose.

"Alice," he whispers.

He waits for a second as she stirs, and then settles.

"Alice."

She raises two fists to her eyes and rubs them. "Hm?" She mumbles, trying as best she can to face Harry.

"I didn't have any nightmares tonight."

Alice smiles with one side of her lips. "That's wonderful. Do you know why?"

"Because now I know Louis is gone."

Alice freezes. The words strike some kind of nerve and she quickly pushes herself up, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "That's... not good."

Harry sits up as well, climbing off the bed and going around to Alice's clothes drawers. "Yes it is. If I know he'll never come back to me he'll never talk to me and I'll never remember him."

Alice jumps up and slams the drawer that Harry was about to open shut. "Don't open that," she hisses, shoving him out of the bedroom by his waist. "And he misses you. He was worried last night."

"Only worried because he wouldn't have me as his friend anymore," Harry smiles as the door is shut on him.

Alice rolls her eyes as she hears him thumping down to the kitchen. She checks the time; 10:15. It's too late to bother getting ready for classes, and obviously Harry is not in the right state of mind. She's not about to leave him alone, half insane, after her chase last night.

She changes into a red sweater with white Christmas-style designs across the chest and part of the arms, although it's not anywhere near the season; then she decides on black leggings and throws her hair up into a ponytail, too distraught on Harry to bother making it neat.

Moving into the bathroom, her makeup is done in minutes; lightly-winged eyeliner she completes perfectly after years of practice, glossy pale pink lips and cover up on the few pimples of her forehead.

She skips into the kitchen and is handed a cup of tea. She takes a sip and automatically spits it back into the cup.

"Did you forget the damn sweetener?!" She coughs, grabbing two packets for herself and ripping them open.

Harry leans back on the counter, one hand supporting his weight, the other holding his cup. He shrugs. "I don't like it sweet. Going to classes?"

"Nope. Neither are you, after what you pulled yesterday."

"Ah," Harry says, holding the cup up to his lips. "You don't trust me."

"I do too!" Alice scoffs, stirring her tea and looking over at Harry in disbelief. "I just don't want to lose you."

Harry sighs. "You're not. I'll go put on some decent clothes."

"Good," Alice smirks. "You running around in boxers with too many tattoos- including that ugly butterfly-" she flicks the middle of his stomach and his hand swoops up to protect it, "is turning me on."

Harry moves out of her reach and leaves the kitchen, his head thrown back in a half-laugh. "Of course, now, we can't forget the underwear-on-the-couch incident!"

"Shut up!"

A smile comes to Alice's lips as Harry laughs; the same laugh she remembers seeing in the X Factor videos and when they first met. The laugh she'd only seen him with before he started writing the letters.

She goes to retrieve her phone from her bedroom, and only seconds after turning it on, Louis is calling.

She looks around the room once, setting down her tea on a nightstand and answering the call cautiously. "Hello?"

"Uh... hi."

"Louis?" Alice asks, although she already knows the answer. He knows she knows too, and doesn't even bother with an answer.

"Is Harry okay?"

Alice raises a set of her nails to her face and plays with the edges as she talks. "He's alright. He's actually... really happy."

"He is?" Louis asks, sounding hurt. Louis sits up a little straighter, making sure the phone doesn't fall from between his shoulder and his ear as he bottle feeds Holly.

"He says it's because he knows you're gone."

Louis is silent for a moment, looking down at Holly's closed eyes and eyelashes that fall on her cheeks. He feels his heart surge. "...Gone?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Louis murmurs. "But I'm not... can I talk to him?"

Alice looks up from her nails to the wall. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Louis sighs. "Please? I just want to hear his voice."

"Why do you care?"

"Because... he had me worried sick and crying all night. I just want to know he's alright."

"How will you know? You've hurt him so much. You said it yourself. That he's different. That he's not what you remembered," Alice says protectively. She picks up her tea and tries to listen to Louis' response, half of her hearing directed to noises signaling Harry.

"But I'll always know if he's okay or not. I can see right through him. God, why are you so cold now? Last night you were begging for my help and now you're fucking turning on me."

"Like you did to Harry."

The line is silent as Louis tries to come up with something that will take down her somewhat well-played comeback.

He finally decides to accept it and says with a soft, broken voice, "Please just let me talk to him."

Alice considers it for a moment and then rolls her eyes. "Let me go find him. You should've just called him."

"You would have snatched his phone so fast I wouldn't even be able to take a breath to say hi."

She chuckles quietly before pushing open Harry's bedroom door a little. "Someone's on the phone for you," she says.

Harry's tugging on jeans, his shirt pulled up to reveal the bottom half of his stomach tattoo. "Who?" he grunts, sticking his belt between his teeth and waddling over to Alice like a penguin with his hand out for the phone. Although he looks ridiculously stupid, not being able to move his leg a foot apart, the belt between his teeth and his messy hair makes Alice stutter. "Uh.. just take it."

Harry raises a brow, but takes the phone anyway and holds it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Uh... hi Harry."

Harry's eyes widen and he looks over at Alice desperately. She shuts her eyes and tucks her lips in, as if to say 'give it a chance,' and slips out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Harry removes the belt from his lips and drops it to the floor, standing with his jeans halfway down his thighs. "Louis?" he croaks.

"Yeah."

"What... why?"

"Harry..." Louis starts. He looks down at Holly once more, who has pleasantly fell asleep in his arms, and stands up to put her in her crib. He sucks in a breath and thinks of Harry's small voice. He's broken.

"Harry..." he starts again. "Last night... why?"

Harry grumbles and moves his hands to his pants, pinning the phone between his shoulder and his ear. He struggles with his jeans again as he talks. "Why the hell would you think? It's all fucking you."

"Please don't get mad at me."

"Mad at you?!" Harry spits. "Says the boy who's madly in love with a girl while telling his boyfriend he doesn't love him anymore, says the boy who loved Eleanor enough to have a child! How's that child? What's his name?"

"Her," Louis coughs, "name is Holly. Goddammit Harry! I don't want to argue. Please."

Harry sighs as he buttons his jeans. The tone of Louis' voice is almost pleading. "Fine," he murmurs. "I heard you were worried about me last night."

"I was. Harry, please don't-"

"Don't lie to me," Harry spits. "Don't you dare lie to me. You don't miss me for shit."

"I... if you don't want to talk to me please just hand the phone back."

Harry doesn't hesitate to stomp out of his room without a word, finds Alice, and shoves the phone to her. She takes it back and watches as Harry stomps back into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him and making the floor rumble.

"I told you," Alice mumbles into the speaker before ending the call.

~

**A MONTH LATER**

The call was the last time Harry spoke about Louis. He went to classes, never answered questions in them, and shut himself in his room the rest of the night.

Of course, Alice wasn't liking it. One Wednesday she cracked open his door to have it shut in her face, and she sunk to the floor and tried to hold a conversation through the door. He didn't like it. It ended with him coming out and screaming.

Then, he started to come out of his room. "It got stuffy," he complained. "It got boring." And he instead sat in the bench-window and watched the people and rain outside. That's all it did sometimes; rain. He liked it.

Alice liked it better too; she got to see him, even though holding a conversation with him was almost impossible. The only words he said were "yes," "no," "can you make me tea?" "okay," and "stop."

Sometimes the songs of Louis' album rang through the dorm when Alice got home. He'd be crying on the couch, biting the tip of a pillow, trying to hide it when Alice came up to him.

It was one of those days where it was raining and Harry sat in the bench-window, his forehead against the glass, fingers tracing the rain droplets.

Alice does homework in the kitchen quietly, before pushing herself up and walking out into the living room.

Harry's head turns as she takes a seat opposite him in the window. She leans her head against the window, listening to Sweet Disposition coming out of the speakers.

"What?" Harry whispers.

"Nothing," Alice whispers back, closing her eyes. She begins humming the melody of the song and then opens her eyes again.

Harry stares back at her.

Alice stands back up, swaying. "Don't be such a downer," she says gently. "Dance."

She takes his hands and unfolds them from each other, instead twisting her own fingers with his. She pulls him up to his feet, and he obeys as she starts shaking her hips. "Dance!" She teases again.

Harry feels a smile tug at his lips, and he lets it. He bobs his head up and down, moving his hips a little, shaking their arms.

"Good enough," Alice laughs. She lets go of his hands and then dances like a maniac, getting a laugh out of Harry. "Dance more like... this!"

Harry sighs and shakes his head around, the pair dancing and laughing like idiots together until the song comes to an end.

Autumn Leaves begins to play, and Alice pants. "No..." she starts. "This song is slow."

She walks over to Harry and slips her arms around his back, locking her hands so she can hold herself out from him. He does the same, looking down at her and laughing.

Alice blushes and looks down at their feet, stepping on Harry's toes. "Dance!" she whispers.

Harry begins waddling back and forth, his feet under Alice's. They laugh a little as they hover. Alice lets go of Harry's back and crosses her arms across her chest. Harry stops and looks down at Alice. She stares back at him as his eyebrows furrow.

His tilts his chin down, his lips parting a little. Alice feels her heart skip a beat, and her head stretches upward.

Harry's eyes close as Alice feels his breath hit her lips. Then, it's his lips that hit hers. She feels her eyes gently close, and she stands up on her tiptoes, although she's already standing on Harry's feet.

The kiss is light and gentle, and lingers when Alice pulls away.

Harry's eyes open carefully, and he lets go of her. "I shouldn't have done that," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

He turns and runs into his room, shutting the door behind him and flopping onto his bed. He pulls the covers over his head and lets out a little cry.

Alice stands still in the living room, listening to the rest of Autumn Leaves, playing with the sleeves of her sweater. She sighs and walks up to Harry's bed room door, knocking.

There's silence for a few minutes, and then a sniffle. "Come in."

Alice turns the knob slowly, seeing his cheeks are red and his pillow has tear stains on it. She sighs and sits on the end of the bed as Harry sits up.

"It's alright," Alice whispers after a while. "I know you aren't feeling okay."

"I'm sorry," Harry chokes out, wiping at his eye. "I shouldn't have done that."

"But you did," Alice says, nodding. "And it's alright. I don't think of it as anything more than you do."

Harry looks up. "Are you sure? I mean... I thought you loved me."

Alice laughs. "When did I ever say that?"

"When you first introduced yourself. You said you were a fan... couldn't believe I was your roommate. Wasn't that your dream? To be with me? Were you planning this out?" Harry looks down at the sheets of his bed, taking a fistful and raising it up to his cheeks.

"Harry, of course not. That was my dream because I was a fan. Now that we're roomies... I love you like a brother. I could never see myself with you. I never thought I'd ever have a chance either... because of... him." She sighs and scoots closer to Harry, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and bringing him to her chest. She hugs him tightly, and even though he's not hugging back, it's enough.

"We're nothing more than we are before we kissed, alright?" Alice whispers into his ear.

He thinks for a few moments, before nodding and wrapping his arms around Alice. He pulls her closer, their stomachs pressed against each other. "Alright," he says finally, nodding. "I love you too. Not... not like that though. Like you said. Like a sister."

Alice chuckles. "I know."

~

The time barely stretches into midnight, and they've decided they're both missing classes the next day. Harry stumbles into the kitchen, Alice's fingers typing madly at her phone.

He rubs his eyes as Alice looks up. "Sleep with me?" He asks.

"I'll be there in a minute," Alice says. "Just gotta call someone."

He nods and leaves for the bedroom. The second Alice hears the bedroom door shut, she raises the phone up to her ear and waits.

It rings four times before picking up. "Hello?" Louis' sleepy voice says. "Why so early in the morning?"

"Sorry," Alice mutters. "Shit. I forgot. It's like five am over there."

"Yeah, it is," Louis grumbles. He looks over at Eleanor's sleeping form. "Do I need to leave the room I'm in?" he asks.

"Please." Alice says.

He pushes himself out of bed carefully, walking into the living room and sprawling out on the couch. "What's the problem now?"

"Help me. I let my guard down."

Louis furrows his brows. "What do you mean, 'you let your guard down'?"

Alice sighs exasperatedly. "We kissed and it wasn't supposed to happen."

Louis feels a pain in his chest and he sits up. "You kissed?"

"Um... yeah."

"Why?"

"He did it. I went along with it, of course."

"You act like you had no other choice," Louis scoffs. "You could have pulled away."

"Yeah, but I didn't," Alice sighs.

"So why are you calling me?"

"Because you fell in love him once, too."

"You fell in love with him?"

"No," Alice admits. "But you got over him. I need to do that too."

Louis sits up. "I didn't get over him."

"Say that to your wife and your baby."

"She's still my fiance."

"Same difference, as of the situation being," Alice yawns. She leans back against the breakfast nook table and crosses one foot over the other. "Don't you like his lips?"

Louis chokes on air. "I'm not going to stay up at five in the morning to  _fangirl_  with you over kissing Harry Styles! Talk to Twitter."

"Not everyone on Twitter has kissed Harry Styles, for your information-"

"Great, and I'm one of the only others who has. Can I give you Swiftie's number? She'll be pleased to write a single about you and Harry together."

"Louis!" Alice laughs, hearing him mumble on the other line. "No. I'm not here to fangirl. Louis, I let my guard down. I feel closer to him now."

Louis groans and sits up, folding his feet up on the coffee table. "And that's a bad thing because...?"

"I'm hiding a secret," Alice whispers, feeling tears prick her eyes. "I've had it for a really long time. I feel like I can tell him it now. But I can't."

"What is it?"

"Not for your ears," Alice says back quickly. "I don't want to tell him it."

"Then don't."

"But it's not that easy," Alice whines. "I feel like he can see through me now. Through my fake personality...?"

"Are you depressed?"

"No! That's fucking rude of you to assume-"

"Okay, I understand," Louis murmurs. "Harry was once like that too."

Alice feels the pit of her stomach drop out. "He was... depressed?"

"Yeah. And he self-harmed... and I was struggling with eating. We were good for each other. We helped each other recover. And I'm sure he'd be glad to help someone else."

"But that's not my problem," Alice says slowly, trying to process the new information. "I need him to not know me like that."

He sighs. "Well maybe you're good for each other," he starts. "He can help you with... your problem. And you can help him with his."

They don't even have to say what his problem was; it was Louis.

"You're sure I should... you know, tell him?"

"Yes," Louis nods. "You're good for each other in another way. Like we were good for each other... he'll understand. Whatever it is, he'll have personal experience."

"You're sure?"

"Positive. Don't hurt yourself, Alice," Louis warns. "Harry is a tough person to... stop loving. Once you're in, you're in for a lifetime."

Alice bites her tongue. All she wants to do is say, 'so what happened to you?'

"Okay," she says instead. "Thank you so much."

"Welcome. Can I sleep now?"

"Yes, goodnight," Alice laughs, hanging up on him after they share goodbyes once more.

~

Alice tucks herself into Harry's bed and lays there, still, not moving. Harry is turned away from her, and his breathing is slow and heavy. Alice sighs and tries to go to sleep, but once again, her thoughts are racing.

"You self harmed?" Alice asks, expecting Harry to be asleep and not give an answer. However, his breathing stops and he flips over quickly. He looks at her in the dark, his eyes wide and panicked. He slowly nods.

"How... how did you find out?" He whispers.

Alice shifts so that she's laying on her side, hands cushioning her head and eyes looking for Harry's in the darkness. "I called Louis."

"About what?"

"Nothing," Alice lies quickly. She feels her breathing stagger as she tries not to cry.

"You obviously talked about something. Why? Why him? Why not me?" Harry says loudly. His eyebrows are pressed low in anger, his expression unreadable  in the dark. By the tone of his voice, Alice can tell he's angry.

"I can't tell you," Alice stutters, squeezing her eyes shut. "I can't."

"Why not?" Harry spits. "Why were you talking about me?"

Alice sticks a hand out between them, a middle school move she still had a habit of doing when she wanted her hand held. Harry takes it slowly and plays with her fingers as she talks.

"I..." she gulps. "I had a secret. And I wanted to know... you know, how to tell you. And I thought Louis would know. And... he told me you guys are good for each other-"

"Were. We  _were_  good for each other," Harry corrects.

"I don't necessarily think so..."

"Please just say we were. He hates me now."

"I can say he definitely doesn't hate you," she mumbles. "Anyway. Let's stop arguing. He said he thought we would be good for each other. We could help each other with our problems."

"What's mine?"

"Uh..." Alice tries to find the words to sugar-coat the truth she had in mind, but after scanning her brain unsuccessfully she decides to lay it on thick. "Louis."

"Oh," Harry whispers. "I guess. What's yours?"

Alice's fingers close in on each other, and Harry stops playing with them. "What is it?" he asks again, gently.

Alice shudders and shakes her head. "Please, no."

"Please. It'll only be easier. For you."

She looks over at Harry, blinking back her tears. "It's a long story. And... seems kind of like the movies."

"Believe me. I've got time."

Alice takes in a long draw of breath and then lets it out slowly. She flips onto her back and stares up at the ceiling. Harry pries her fingers apart and plays with them again, the entire time she talks, just trying to comfort her.

"Well... it's my family that started it all," Alice says simply. "My father was a drug addict. He was abusive. Not to me, but to my mother. When she finally got the courage to divorce him, he didn't like it. I was... I think I was seven when we moved out. We were constantly moving houses, every few months. He was always looking for us. He tried to find us over and over again. Then one day, when I first got a car... I wanted to see him again. I thought maybe he would've changed by now, because we'd been in the same house for a very long time. A few years and he hadn't found us."

"Had he changed?" Harry interrupts.

"No, I'm getting there," Alice sighs. "I found his address, and he was living there. I found it on Facebook, and he said on there a lot that he missed me. Never my mother, only me. That he wanted to get to know me. I wanted to know him too, so that's when I left one day for his house while mother was sleeping."

She feels Harry intertwine their fingers. "He hadn't changed, to say the least. That day, I showed up, and I said hi. He didn't know who I was at first. Then when I told him I was his daughter, he just... he lost it."

She starts to cry and Harry automatically wraps his arm around her, pulling her into his chest. "Shh. I'm so sorry," Harry soothes. "Go on?"

"Yeah," Alice chokes out. She takes a few seconds to calm down. "He locked me in his apartment, and he just started... beating me. With his fists, pushing me down, throwing things at me. I was so hurt. It was horrible. And I cried so loud, I screamed but nobody came. So when he went to get something, I ran for it. And... oh my god. I had no idea he... he would do that."

"Do what?"

"Follow me home," Alice cries. "He followed me home and stayed there until the night came. He... I don't know how exactly. It sounds so fake. But he set the house on fire."

"What?!" Harry cries. "With you in it?"

"I woke up when I got really hot and looked out the window and saw flames," Alice shuts her eyes and sighs. "But when I tried to go to my mother's room to wake her, the hallway was on fire. All the ways to her room were blocked. I didn't hear her screaming either, and I just knew... I had to leave her."

Harry sucks in a breath and strokes her back. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's alright. So... after that, when it was all over the news and the fire department came and said there was an unknown cause to it and she was gone, I knew I was going to have to live with my father. I was still underage. So... I left. I moved to Brooklyn in New York, I moved to a totally different country. I didn't even get to tell my brother I was leaving. He moved out years before I did. He's... maybe twenty-five or twenty-six now."

"Wait... you said to a new country?"

"Yeah. We lived in the UK."

"Seriously? Why don't you have an accent?"

Alice laughs and shrugs. "I'm still American. My parents moved to the UK after they got married and before he... became how he was. Since then, since I moved to Brooklyn and finally here for university... I've put on a show."

Harry sighs and kisses her forehead. "Sorry," he whispers. "What's happened since then? Have you talked?"

"Nope. I don't want to. I just wish I got to talk to my brother more. But anyway. I made a lot of friends here but I lost them all, because they said I was overly happy. Which I guess was true, because even this is all... pretend. I'm a wreck. I get tormented online all the time but I never really tell, it's in the back of my mind. So when I learned you were my roommate, I thought for once my life was going to go right. And it did," she smiles. "Don't get me wrong. But it's still a part of me, everything. And I'm finally telling you because I feel like if I hadn't, you would've gotten it out of me."

Harry shrugs. "I'm so sorry. I really am. You're gonna find your brother."

"He's still in the UK. I bet he's really seems British by now," Alice laughs. "Thank you for listening."

"You're welcome. I'm gonna help you. And you're gonna help me."

"Really?"

"Really," Harry smiles. "We're good for each other, right?" He stops himself and then shakes his head. He once said those exact words to Louis, all of them; when they finally told each other their struggles.

"I'm sorry that's... too close to home. But we're gonna help each other," Harry says, and sighs. He buries his nose in Alice's hair and shuts his eyes. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

**~**

**Halice chapter! Huge Larry chapter coming up next. Thank you for reading! xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

**THE NEXT YEAR – HARRY’S 3RD YEAR AT UNIVERSITY**

It was odd.

To say the least, the past year had been awfully silent between Harry and Louis. They never talked, they never called, and Harry rarely ever cried anymore. Sometimes, he’d be in his room furiously writing letters he’d never even send to him. Sometimes he’d ask Alice if she’d gotten a call. The answer was always no.

However, it was impossible to go an entire year at university without hearing of Louis. He was becoming a sensation; maybe even slightly bigger than One Direction. With that came a lot of publicity, and of course, being a college student was not the best way to avoid it. Harry got the lectures every day from gossip or sometimes even Alice herself.

It was that afternoon, however, that sparked up a new flame.

Alice quietly slips into the dorm, her hand clenching the envelope as tightly as possible without crunching it. Her eyes, wide with fear, search the room for Harry. Nowhere.

She tiptoes into the kitchen and tries to hide the envelope in a cabinet, but suddenly she hears Harry coming down the hall.

“I’m home!” Alice cries, climbing down from the counter and shoving the envelope under her arm.

Harry jumps into the kitchen and smiles, opening up the fridge. “Where were you?” He asks without a glance over at Alice.

She shrugs and takes a seat at the table, making sure the envelope is concealed. “Uh… well, the study date went into overtime. I got the mail.”

“Ooh,” Harry mocks, sitting down across from her with a Greek yogurt and a spoon. “Someone’s got a boyfriend,” he jokes as he licks the top of the yogurt.

Alice swats his arm and then gulps. “I got the mail.”

“Cool. Why is it so important…?”

Alice sighs and puts the envelope on the table between them. “This was in it,” she says. “I think you ought to read it.”

Harry picks up the letter with confusion written all over his face. He flips it over and opens the already-broken envelope, pulling out a little card. It’s pretty and folded with golden designs across the edges, absolutely nothing written on the outside. 

“What is it?” He raises an eyebrow, holding the envelope out between his index finger and his thumb as he sticks a spoon full of yogurt in his mouth.

“Just open it,” Alice says quietly, looking down at her hands.

Harry rolls his eyes and flicks open the card.

_You’ve been formally invited to the wedding of_

_Eleanor Calder_

_And_

_Louis Tomlinson_

_On June 3rd, 2017 at 12am_ _in London_

Harry sets his spoon down gently next to the cup of yogurt and looks up at Alice, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Oh,” he croaks. “So.”

“You’re not going.”

“I’m going,” Harry says, standing up. “That’s in three days. I want to go.”

Alice stands up as well, looking at Harry like he is absolutely insane. “Are you sure?” she asks quietly.

“Yes,” Harry nods. “I have to. It’s… I want to see him happy just one last time.”

Alice closes her eyes and takes in a breath. “I’ll go with you.” 

“Are _you_ sure?” Harry asks, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nods and looks up at him, smiling.

“Of course,” she says. “Besides… you know who else is there?”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “The rest of One Direction?”

Alice laughs and shakes her head. “Well, yes, them too,” she says, looking back down at her feet. “But there’s also my brother there.”

“Oh yeah! We’re gonna find him! And then we’re all going to happy.”

“Are _you_ going to be happy?”

“It’ll… it’ll be hard,” Harry admits. “And I might… I dunno. I miss him so much. But you know… I just wanna see him happy.” 

“Yes,” Alice says. “We need to catch a flight then… that’s coming up sooner than it should.”

“Yeah,” Harry grumbles. “Too soon.”

“Harry.” 

“What?” 

“Don’t get yourself worked up.” 

“I won’t.” With that, Harry turns to head for his bedroom, grabbing his yogurt before he goes. He gives Alice one last smile, and then sighs. “I’m going to go pack.” 

“I’ll look for a flight.”

“No budget, I want first class.”

“Fine,” Alice laughs. “I’ll get Mr. Styles a first-class ticket to London. How about it?”

“Good!” He says cheerfully, turning into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. 

His smile automatically falls off his face, and he slides down the door onto his bum. He lets out a cough and buries his head in his arms, his shoulders trembling. 

“Married?” He whispers to himself. He looks up at the roof and runs a hand through his hair, feeling a tear run down his cheek. He pushes himself off of the ground and heads over to his closet, pulling out a little box he’d come to know so well.

He chokes on his tear and tries to hold it back, but he can’t. He sniffles and looks down at the little black box, wrapped in silky fabric. He takes the top and flips it open, revealing the shiny ring he’d picked out with Alice two years ago.

He lets out a cry and folds into a ball on the floor. “This could’ve been my ring on your finger,” he chokes. “But I was too late. You were already moving on.”

~

They got to London on June 2nd, the day before the actual wedding. The first thing they got the moment they stepped foot in London was paparazzi. It was probably the most expected thing Harry didn't think of, and he got all the usual things shouted at him with Alice on his arm; "New girlfriend?" "How's it feel to be a sex object?" "Harry! Who's this beautiful girl?"

It turns out the whole of London knew exactly who was showing up at the wedding; it was all over the news in the hotel they stayed in: "One Direction reunites at Louis Tomlinson's wedding with Eleanor Calder!"

Which, of course, put Alice into absolute hysterics. She was going to be getting to meet the rest of them. The rest of her idols.

Which, of course, meant hell for Harry; even know he missed the band so much, he had a feeling it was going to be uncomfortable. They hadn't talked in years now. 

That night, at around nine o' clock on June the 2nd, Louis calls.

Alice looks for her phone frantically, finally spotting it on the desk. She frowns at the number and answers cautiously. "Hello?"

"Alice? Are you in London?"

Alice looks over at Harry. She nods her head to confirm his beliefs; Louis is on the phone. Harry nods and rolls his eyes, tucking himself into bed and patting the space beside him.

"Uh... yes," Alice answers uncertainly, sitting down on the bed next to Harry. He props himself up with his elbows, trying to listen to the conversation.

"With... with Harry?" Louis croaks.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes, why?"

"I..." Louis sucks in a breath and smiles. "I didn't think he'd come."

Alice smiles. "I tried to talk him out of it... he wanted to come. I came with him."

Louis nods. "I can't... I can't believe it, actually."

Harry sighs and flops onto his pillow. "End the call soon. It's making me uncomfortable," he whispers.

"I gotta go," Alice says, looking down at Harry. She runs a hand through his hair, earning a smile from Harry. "Gotta sleep."

"Oh... okay. See you tomorrow?"

"Mhm."

"Alright. Thank you."

"Mhm." And then the line goes dead. Alice slides down under the covers and lays against Harry's bare chest. "What do you expect tomorrow?" she whispers.

Harry shrugs, rolling away from Alice to turn out the lights and then rolling back to where he was. "Hell. At its finest."

Alice chuckles and lays her palms flat against Harry's chest. "Please don't freak out during the ceremony."

"I won't."

~

They wake up at exactly nine o' clock in the morning, Alice showering and putting on a beautiful pale pink dress she bought when they got to London, Harry pulling on a tuxedo.

"Alice!" he calls, fumbling with his tie. "How the fuck do you..."

"What?" Alice groans, peeking her head out of the bathroom. She has a strand of hair pulled around a curler, her makeup fixed exquisitely.

He waves the tie around. "Can't do it."

"Give me a minute. This is the last piece," Alice says, disappearing from the doorway. Harry stands up straight and looks in the mirror, before taking Alice's hairspray and spraying it on his hair.

"Don't use that!" Alice calls from the bathroom. She appears moments later, pretty white heels in one hand. She fumbles with the matching, shiny white belt around the slimmest part of her waist as she makes her way over to Harry. She takes the tie and fixes it around his neck, looking up at him and stepping into her heels as she does it.

"How do you even do that?" Harry mutters. "Put on heels, and fix a tie without even looking at it?"

"I'm a woman," she says simply, stepping away from him. She smiles and nods. "Very nice."

"Mhm. Time?"

"Nearly eleven. We should be heading out."

Harry sucks in a breath. "Oh god."

"You'll be fine."

"Promise?"

"Mhm," Alice says, looking one last time in the mirror on the hotel dresser. She grabs her handbag off the bed and then sticks out her hand for Harry. He takes it, although hesitant at first, and they leave the room and drive to the church.

People are outside it near the cemetery, the doors of the church thrown open and guests crawling in and out of them. Paparazzi surround the place in small clusters, mainly near the front, but an abundance of security guards keep them off the property. Harry scans the crowd as he steps out of the car, meeting Alice around the other end.

Once again, their pictures are taken and it's all flashing until they step onto the paved sidewalk of the church grounds.

Alice immediately spots Niall, Zayn, Perrie and another girl she's never seen before talking and laughing by the front doors. She leans into Harry's side and he leans down so his ear is within her reach.

"There's Niall and Zayn... and Perrie and some other girl," she whispers into his ear. "Wanna go over there?"

"Um... yeah," he says, standing up a little straighter. He begins walking, his and Alice's arms interlocked.

Zayn's attention is pulled away from Niall and over to Harry and Alice. He widens his eyes at first, and nods, getting the rest of the group to see him.

"Harry!" Niall calls, running over to him with his arms out.

Harry feels a smile tug at his cheeks and Alice pulls away from him as Niall rams into him. They hug for a few seconds before Zayn joins them.

"Where have you been?!" Niall laughs. "Haven't talked in ages!"

"States for university," Harry says, readjusting his arms to fit Zayn into the hug as well. They pull away as Perrie and the other girl come and join them. Alice steps into their small group, and Harry pulls her into his side.

"Hi," Alice says awkwardly.

"This is Alice," Harry introduces her, smiling down at her and then up at the group. "We share a room at uni. She's my best friend. She was a big fan of the group... funny. Not dating."

Niall wraps an arm around the unnamed girl, kissing her cheek. "And this is my girlfriend," he says, smiling at her with pure fondness twinkling in his eyes. "Charlotte, Harry. And Alice."

"Hi," she says, offering out a hand. Harry shakes it first and then Alice, before Zayn sighs. "It's been so long," he says, taking Perrie's hand. Alice looks down at her feet and then back up at the group.

"I never knew I'd be meeting everyone," Alice laughs. "This is kinda my dream."

"I would've killed to see your reaction to Harry walking into your dorm room," Niall jokes. Charlotte smiles. "On a scale of one to insane, how bad was it?"

Alice looks up to the left in thought. "Umm... mental hospital."

Niall bursts into uncontrollable laughter, and then looks up at them. "Hilarious! I'm sorry. I'm just happy for everyone."

Harry nods and then sighs. "So this is Lou's big day?"

Zayn nods. "I'm sorry, mate."

"It's fine," Harry brushes it off. "It was the past."

"But... nevermind. I'm sorry too. I don't even know what happened but I'm sorry," Niall says quietly. He swivels his head around. "Has anyone seen Liam?"

"I saw him and Danielle walking inside a few minutes ago," Perrie says. "Should I go look for him? Bring him out here?"

"If you want," Harry says.

Perrie leaves and small talk goes on about how everyone's been until Perrie comes back with Liam and Danielle behind her. "Meet the rest of the crew, Charlotte! Alice!" she smiles.

Liam waves at them and then comes to stand in the group. Harry looks at him awkwardly, memories of the event that split them apart three years ago flashing through his head. He nods, and Liam smiles. "How have you been?"

"Good," Harry states simply. "And you?"

Liam laughs and looks down at Danielle. "Sorted out," he replies. "Engaged."

"You too?" Alice asks.

"Yup."

"Wait, so let me get this straight..." Niall starts. "Harry's the only single one here."

Harry's cheeks fluster and he looks down at the ground. "It's different..." he whispers. His smile falters and he looks up at the sky instead, holding back any cry he might have.

"Right. Any who, it's like eleven forty-five. Ceremony's starting soon!"

Alice looks up at Harry worriedly. "It's going to be alright," she whispers to him. He takes in a shaky breath and nods.

Slowly everyone starts filing into the church and taking seats. Zayn, Perrie, Niall, Charlotte, Liam, Danielle, Harry and Alice take up an entire row on their own, with Louis' family seated in front of them. Lottie turns around moments before Louis and Eleanor enter the room.

"Hi," she says quietly. "How are you?"

"Okay," Harry says. "You?"

"Okay."

"That's good."

"I'm sorry about... you know," Lottie says quietly. She tilts her head from side to side and frowns. "I dunno why... but I kinda wish it was you and Louis up there."

Harry feels a lump in his throat and tries to nod. Alice looks up at him and shuts her eyes, placing her hand over his. He looks down at her and takes her hand, rubbing circles into the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry, too," Harry says back finally. Lottie turns back around, and then the door behind them opens.

Louis comes down the aisle.

Harry takes in a breath and watches as he walks up to the front of the church, waving at certain people and smiling at others. His hair looks like a cinnamon bun, dark stubble lining his mouth and jawline, blue eyes shining bright. His eyes finally land on Harry, and his eyes crinkle and he looks down at his feet. He looks straight in front of him and continues down the aisle.

Harry squeezes Alice's hand tighter.

"Calm," Alice whispers. "It's okay."

He nods.

There's a few minutes of talking before the bridal music starts up, and the doors swing open.

The crowds on both sides of the aisle stand up, as Eleanor makes her way down the aisle. Alice takes in a breath and tries not to stare at her, but it's hard. It's no doubt that she's absolutely stunning.

Harry peels his eyes away from Eleanor and instead puts them on Louis, the entire time she's making her way down the aisle. He's looking at her as though she is the sun and he is the planets. He's looking at her like she's the only thing that matters. He's looking at her like he once looked at Harry.

Harry shakes his head and lets go of Alice's hand, his fists balling. He frowns at Louis as the crowd sits down and Louis and Eleanor take hands.

The priest starts talking. It's all words to Harry. And then the vows come; and even though Harry is trying so hard not to lose it, he does.

"Do you, Eleanor Jane Calder, take Louis William Tomlinson as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

Harry feels his throat clench and his gaze shifts over to Louis.

"Do you, Louis William Tomlinson, take Eleanor Jane Calder as your lawfully wedded wife?"

His eyes twinkle like stars. "I do."

The priest rambles on more, and then, "you may kiss the bride."

Harry tears his eyes away from them and stands up as the crowd does. But instead of applauding and watching them share their first married kiss, he runs.

"Harry-" Alice starts, but he's already made it out of the row and out of the church. She looks up at Louis and Eleanor pulling away from their kiss. He never noticed.

Alice slumps back down in her seat and Niall leans over. "Oh no," he whispers. "Where's Harry?"

Harry runs out to the graveyard, screaming at the paps to leave him alone. He wipes furiously at his face, finally coming to a bench near a few graves. He takes a seat and coughs, looking down at the ground. At his feet.

He cries for a few moments before a woman he's never seen before comes over. She holds out a cigarette and a lighter. "Need a smoke?" she offers.

Harry looks down at the cigarette and takes it. "Why not?" he mumbles.

He lights it and sticks it between his lips, completely forgetting about his asthma. He takes in a drag and coughs, choking and sputtering. He holds the cigarette between his fingers and lets out a cry.

He cries and takes an occasional drag from the cigarette for what feels like hours, until someone comes out of the church.

He looks up and watches as Louis makes his way down to the cemetery, his hands folded in his pockets, his eyebrows furrowed, making his blue eyes look dark and sad.

He makes his way over to Harry and stands before him. "Hi," he says quietly.

Harry stares up at him and then looks back down at the cigarette. "Hi," he replies gruffly.

"Since when did you pick up such a nasty habit?" Louis asks quietly, sitting down next to him. He folds his feet and looks over at Harry. He doesn't respond.

"Why aren't you answering me?" Louis huffs.

Again, Harry ignores him.

"Why are you crying?" Louis whispers.

Harry sighs and sits up straighter, placing a hand on Louis' shoulder. He stares into his eyes and then shuts his miserably. He opens them after a few seconds, just to hold his gaze.

"I want you to be happy on your wedding day. I really do," Harry starts. He looks around him and then laughs a little, before looking back down at Louis. "I don’t want you to worry about me or anything. I just… I don’t know, I got so hurt and just decided, ‘if I die smoking I would choose today to do it’ so this is my first time and probably my last because it’s really shit and it’s not numbing the pain. I want you to be happy. Because when you’re happy… I’m happy. I should’ve listened to Alice and I shouldn’t have come. It hurts a lot to remember… what we used to be, and I’m sorry you thought I’d moved on because it’s been so long but I haven’t and I apologize. Just please go back in there and forget about pathetic me out here surrounded by dead people and crying. Celebrate, this is the biggest day of your life. And it’s with Eleanor, not me. I need to get over it. I’m sorry."

Louis looks over at him. By the time he reaches the end of his speech, Louis looks so hurt it kills Harry.

"Please," he says again.

Louis nods and stands up. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry," Louis murmurs, before waving. He stops before he leaves, turning back to him. "Please come join us."

Harry shakes his head. "Could you just get Alice for me?"

Louis stiffens. "Why?"

"Because I said so."

Louis waits a few minutes, and then nods. He waves again and turns on his heels. He looks up at the church to see Niall, Zayn, Liam and Alice with their heads stuck out the door. He sighs and looks back a single time, to see Harry folded up and choking on his tears again. He raises the cigarette up to his lips, and that's when Louis turns his head back around.

"I've failed him," Louis whispers to himself, waving up to Alice.

She comes running down, as fast as she can in heels in the dirt-patch grass. She catches Louis' arm and looks at him seriously.

"Everything alright?"

"Mhm," Louis nods, turning to leave again, but Alice yanks his arm.

"Be happy. This is the biggest day of your life," she says. She stares at him with obvious sternness until he nods again and gives her a smile.

Harry watches them carefully. He watches the smile.

"Thank you," Louis says, heading back towards the church. Alice continues on and plops herself next to Harry on the bench.

"I didn't know you smoke," she says first.

"I don't."

"Why are you then?"

"Because I felt like it. Why do you ask so many damn questions?"

"Harry," Alice grunts. "It's kind of rude to walk out on your best friend's wedding." She pulls one leg over the other, folding her hands on her knee. She looks over at Harry, sucking in a breath as he flicks ashes off the end of the cigarette.

"He's not my best friend," Harry says quietly.

Alice frowns, looking down at her feet. "Of course he is," she says. "You can't change that. You still love him. You'd hate to see him die."

"Don't say that," Harry spits. He hesitantly raises the cigarette to his lips again, but sighs and puts it out on the bench. He throws it at a tree and turns to look at Alice. "Look," he starts. "I know you don't understand us. I know you don't. And it's not... it's not that I'd hate to see him go. I'd hate it so much. I do love him... but I don't want to talk about it. You know why."

"No, I don't."

"Because it makes me remember him... and us."

"Oh." Alice looks up and watches his face contort.

"Do you want to grab a hotel and go look for your brother tomorrow morning?" he asks quietly.

"I... not right now. The wedding hasn't even ended."

"Oh." He shrugs. "So?"

"So," Alice stands up, holding out both hands. Harry takes them and climbs to his feet, limp and unresponsive.

"So," she says again. "We're going to go in there and enjoy it, alright? For Louis."

Harry sighs. "For Louis," he agrees quietly, but he can say no more as Alice pulls him into the church.

~

Everyone is gathered around the small area set up for dancing. Louis and Eleanor are dancing like madmen, laughing and tripping over dresses and feet. The crowd claps together to the beat of the music, laughing along with them.

Harry stands with a drink in one hand and Alice's hand in his other.

The song comes to a quick stop, and the newly wed couple bow, Louis' smile as bright as the light shining in through the sunroof. He gives Eleanor a kiss on the cheek as they begin the next song.

"Everyone dance!" Louis cheers, taking Eleanor's hands in his own and continuing on their jig.

Alice begins bouncing on her heels. "C'mon!" She cries excitedly, yanking Harry forward the moment he sets his glass down on a nearby table.

Harry can't help himself from laughing as she stands in dance set position.

"You're gonna recognize this," she laughs. She begins to tap her feet like Rose from Titanic, and Harry loses it.

"What the hell is that?!" He snorts.

"It's Rose!" She laughs, collapsing into his arms. She begins to dance with no rhythm, like everyone else on the small dancefloor; Harry's large hands resting on her hips, her hands on his shoulders.

He laughs until he has to double over and clutch at his stomach; Alice bends over with him, one hand placed on his shoulder, laughing.

"It hurts," she admits, sucking in a sharp breath. He nods in agreement as the song changes into slow and romantic.

Alice straightens out, running fingers through her hair and then waiting for Harry to join her. "I can't slow dance, but I can try my hardest," she giggles.

Harry smiles and takes her waist in one hand, her dainty hand in the other, dancing slowly as they turn in circles.

Alice remembers the last time they slow danced together and stiffens. "Remember last time?" she whispers.

"Mhm. It won't happen again."

"Okay," she smiles as she catches sight of Niall and Charlotte. She waves at them with a bright smile, having it returned by both of them at the same time.

"They look so happy," she murmurs, watching them dance and laugh. Charlotte leans towards his ear and whispers something, automatically laughing and resting her head against Niall's. She wraps her arms around his neck and closes her eyes, her lips pulled up in a smile.

"I wish I had somebody to love," she says with a slight laugh.

Harry sighs. "Don't put yourself down. I love you, like a sister," he smiles.

She looks up at him and nods. "I could never forget."

Suddenly, Louis is walking over. Harry's eyes raise from Alice's to Louis', who is only a bit taller than Alice, and still requires looking down.

Alice pulls away and motions for Louis to step forward. She moves back over to the table, Harry's eyes following her. She picks up his wine glass and raises it to her lips. She gives him the same look she did when she handed him the phone all the while ago; 'give it a chance.'

Louis stands straight with his hands behind his back. He holds out a hand with a small, cute smile. "Can I have this dance?" He asks quietly.

Harry swallows thickly, and nods. "Uh... okay?"

Louis smiles down at his feet, satisfyingly. He takes a step forward, his hand moving to Harry's hip, but Harry's hand wrapped tight around his wrist stops him.

"Who says you get to be the guy?" He asks.

Louis looks up at him and laughs gently; he almost wants to say he's used to it now, but then he stops himself. This is Harry he's talking to.

Harry places a hand on his hip, and immediately feels the familiarity hitting him like a truck. He clears his throat and takes a step to the left, looking down at their feet carefully.

The dance is slow and quiet, until Louis has the nerve to talk. "Harry?" he squeaks.

Harry looks up and raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Thank you for coming... and, I don't know. I was convinced you were going to deny me... after, you know. The graveyard."

Harry clears his throat again. "Oh," he says. He nods. "Yeah."

"You have no idea how much it means to me-"

"No, no. Shut up, okay? You're..." his eyes flicker over to Alice, who's talking with Eleanor and laughing. "You're my best friend and that will never change... alright?"

He clears his throat again and Louis feels a blush coming on. "Thank you," he whispers, looking up at Harry.

Harry looks down at him, searching his deep blue eyes for any kind of emotion; there's none. He looks back down at his feet, slightly hurt, and the song comes to an end.

He won't let himself think that they were about to kiss. This is his wedding, and it's not even with him.

Harry steps away and forces a smile. "Thanks," he says bluntly.

Louis nods, looking over at Eleanor and holding out an arm that she slides into. She kisses his cheek and laughs, and there's the look again; Louis' eyes full of fondness.

"Thanks Harry," he says as he's led away.

Harry groans as Alice comes back over, handing him his wine glass.

"See?" She asks. "You obviously don't hate him."

Harry groans and takes a seat at a nearby table. "You have no idea how hard I had to constrain myself."

**~**

**Hiiii :) so now that winter break is over and we're diving into full-on homework, I'm sorry the updates won't be as fast. I'll try my hardest though! Hoping to have 2 chapters done a week so I can finish it before February (and start up a new fic I've been planning!) so thank you for reading! xx  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

The call from Louis came precisely at 5:11pm, Saturday night.

Harry fishes in his pocket for his buzzing cell phone, getting a strange look from Alice. "What?" he scoffs, waving the cell phone before her eyes. "It's a call."

Alice rolls her eyes and turns back to the telly. "It's vibrating the whole couch," she mutters.

"Fine," Harry throws himself up, a playful smirk on his face. "I'll leave the room to take it."

"You do that."

"Mhm," Harry hums, answering the call and holding it up to his ear with a laugh, "Hello?"

"Harry?"

Harry stops in his tracks, furrowing his eyebrows before slowly heading into his bedroom. He shuts the door behind him and leans against it.

"Why are you calling?" He whispers, although there isn't a reason to.

"I..." Louis stutters, gulping. "I just wanted to talk to you. See how you were."

"Is that so?" Harry says half-heartily, walking over to his desk and taking a seat. He pulls the heels of his feet to the surface of the table, crossing one over the other. "Why?"

"I can care about you."

"Oh," Harry mumbles. "You care about me? I thought you were over that."

"Look," Louis grunts. "I know what happened. But you seriously don't need to have that... I don't know, that stupid little sassy ass words!"

Harry looks up at the ceiling, trying to gather what little sane thoughts left in his head together. He takes in a breath and closes his eyes with a nod. "I'm sorry," he admits quietly. "This is... I can't talk to you."

"No, obviously not," Louis huffs on the other line. From where he's sitting, he can hear Eleanor running around the house. He rubs his free hand down his face, pulling his eyes so they appear droopy.

Harry changes the subject before Louis has time to say anything else. "University is almost over. I graduate next week."

"Do you?" Louis asks quietly. He feels himself beginning to smile. "That's wonderful Harry. I'm so glad you-"

"No," Harry breathes. "No. Stop."

"Okay."

"Right. Um... you won't be here then, right?"

Louis looks down at the material of his jeans. "I hadn't planned on it, but if you want me-"

"No, I kinda didn't want you to come anyway. Didn't expect it," Harry interrupts. Finding his words sounding harsh but having nothing to say, he listens patiently to the other line.

"Right," Louis whispers. He feels his eyes start to wet and he sucks in deeply, but Harry's no one to fool.

"Are you crying?"

"I don't know why... well. I guess I kind of do," Louis sniffs. He shakes his head. "But I'm not laying my pressure on you. Okay?"

Harry waits a few seconds and then speaks. "Okay." He's silent again, both of the boys are. "Err... hanging up...?"

"Oh, yeah, just gotta..."

"Have fun in London."

"I will, thank you Harry. Congratulations on the whole finishing studies thing," and then Louis is about to hang up, when suddenly he presses the phone back to his ear.

"Wait!" He yells to the line.

Harry hears the faint sound, his hand hovering over the _end call_ button. He raises the phone back up to his ear. "Yes?"

"What're you..." Louis stutters, waving his hands around desperately. "What're you doing after you graduate? Are you coming back?"

Harry considers it for a moment. He'd always known he was going to move back, but since they'd started distancing themselves, Harry found himself fighting the urge to move back.

Finally, he makes a decision.

"Yes. Yes, Louis. I'm going to be moving back to London."

Louis lets a smile stretch across his lips. "Good," he says to himself, but what he says out loud resembles nothing so fond. "Okay," he says.

"Bye Louis."

"Bye Harry. Remember what I said."

Harry raises a brow. "Remember what?"

"The... the graduating thing. The... you know, everything."

Harry nods and pulls the phone from his ear. "Alright. Bye."

He ends the call and shoves his phone in his pocket, sighing and heading back out to the living room. He slumps back against the couch and pulls the blankets over himself, ripping them off of Alice's trembling body.

"Ass," Alice mutters, pulling the blankets back on herself. "Who called?"

"Oh, only Louis," Harry says, as though getting a call from Louis was a normal event.

~

Harry sticks his key into the lock and turns the handle, opening the front door to his flat. He looks around and drops his stuff by the door, shutting it behind him as he walks into the kitchen.

"Hello," he chirps, snatching up an orange and taking a seat opposite Alice in the breakfast nook. She looks up from her massive pile of papers and raises an eyebrow.

"Happy?" she asks.

Harry looks around the room as though the answer to her question would be written on the wall. He turns his gaze back to the orange, digging a fingernail into the peel. "Is that bad or something?"

"Nope," Alice says, her voice a few octaves high. "Just unusual."

"Mmm," Harry hums. He shakes his head back and forth, his bottom lip stuck out in a frown, his attention focused on peeling his orange.

"So...?" Alice lets out a breath, repositioning her pencil in her hand and continuing to write. "Whatcha want?"

"So graduation is in... what, three days now?" Harry asks. He takes a slice of orange and shoves it into his mouth, cradling it in his right cheek as he feeds words to Alice.

"Yeah?"

"Well," he mumbles, trying not to spit orange on Alice's books. "After that, I was thinking of moving back to London."

Alice's shoulders tense, and she presses down so hard with her pencil that the led snaps. She remains motionless for a few seconds before pumping more led out of her pencil and continuing to write. "You're going back?"

Harry shrugs. "I like it there."

"Well, obviously. But why else?"

"I want to move back in with my mum and my sisters. Just until I can... I don't know. I kinda want to... patch things up with Louis?" He holds his orange in one hand and places the other on the back of his neck, massaging circles by his shoulders.

Alice looks up with half her lips pulled up in a smile. She shakes her head slowly, chuckling a bit. She sets down her pencil and sighs, frowning at Harry.

"Harry... I don't know if you noticed," she starts, studying his features. He stares back at her, emotionless. "But Louis has moved on."

"Mmm," Harry hums, his own brows lowering to frame his eyes as well. "I don't really think so."

"Harry. He has a kid and a wife."

"Don't mean he still wants to be friends... maybe more, I don't know. More."

"Really?" Alice asks. She looks down at her papers and begins to read the first few notes, before directing her attention back to Harry. "I know this whole thing has been hard for you," she starts. "But it hasn't been hard for Louis. And I think a decision that was so easy to reverse... just isn't meant to be."

Harry pushes himself up from the table, hastily shoving an orange slice in his mouth. He brandishes a finger at her, waving it slightly. "Or it means the exact opposite, and he still loves me, and he's just passing the time with Eleanor."

"He doesn't just use people like that," Alice chuckles exasperatedly under her breath.

"Tell that to me!" He whines. "But no matter the situation, you're coming to London with me. Right?"

"Harry... I can't," Alice whispers. She picks her pencil back up and turns back to her papers.

Harry carefully takes a seat again, looking at her. "Why not?"

"I still have things to do... family."

"You've got a brother."

"Yeah, and he's in bloody London, and moving back would mean having to find him and I'm just not ready for that. Not now." She scratches a word into her paper, her tongue peeking out between her lips. "Okay?"

Harry sighs, setting his orange down on the table. "Please."

"No."

"Please."

"Harry..."

"Please."

Alice sighs, her eyebrows raising together, signaling she was giving up. "I'll consider it. I'll... I'll think about it. If it makes you happy..."

"It would make me the happiest," Harry says, biting his lip to keep himself from smiling.

Alice looks up at him and laughs. "Fine, fine, if I go does that mean we're going to keep living in the same flat?"

"Well hopefully not this one," Harry says. "A new one. And I'll pay for your flight over and everything."

"Once I get a nice job in Law we can both pay the bills."

"I can do that."

"You're already getting low on your million-dollar bank," Alice laughs. She shuts her two textbooks and looks across the table at Harry, a glowing smile encompassing his entire head of curls.

Harry stands up, slamming a hand down on the table with a playful smirk. "Well who said I wouldn't get a job too?"

"It's settled!" Alice laughs, clutching her stomach. "Maybe a month from now we'll be in London! Did you know that was my dream? Moving to London?"

Harry shrugs. "I bet you never even dreamed of living in London with Harry Styles."

Alice shrugs. "I never considered it because you had Louis..." she stops herself. "I mean, too close to home. But yes. Never in my wildest dreams."

Harry nods, not even catching her song reference. Alice looks up at him expectantly, but brushes it off and stands up. She collects her folders, papers and books in her arms, grinning like mad.

"Can't believe my luck!" she yells excitedly as she heads for her bedroom.

~

**THE WEEK AFTER GRADUATION**

Alice folds her legs under herself and sits down next to Harry on the floor. They're crouched where the sofa used to be, before a box. Harry places the last pillow in the box and smiles, looking over at Alice.

"It's so empty in here," she says, looking up at the ceiling. "I can't believe we got to spend four years in the biggest Harvard room."

"Yeah," Harry says, trying to shut the box. He pulls the tape over the edges of the box, grunting between his words. "Can't believe we're moving to London."

Alice blushes and looks down at her hands. "This is my dream."

Harry nods and pushes himself up, scooping the box up. Alice takes two nearby ones, stacking them so that they reach her eyes. She stretches her neck to look over as Harry guides her out to the mover's van. Even though they've sold everything except for their clothes, dishware and decorations, and picked out furniture in London to arrive at their new flat when they come, it still feels like they're moving with the flat.

Alice looks back at the dorm building and sighs. "I'm going to miss campus," she whispers. She feels Harry wrap an arm around her waist and she turns to look at him.

"It happens," he says.

The pair separate and go back to the flat to retrieve the last few boxes and give their room keys in. Harry walks into his old bedroom and tries to take in the cleanliness- even though the drawers and desks and bed is still there, they're bare and stripped, and the room already feels less homey. Harry sighs and watches his feet as he walks over to the one box on the floor.

He picks it up and reads the side of it;  _With Louis._ In the box is all the things he'd brought from London, including the letters and the engagement ring.

He hugs the box to his chest and meets Alice at the door.

They turn back and Alice looks around the flat. "Goodbye... what, old dorm?"

Harry laughs and opens the door without further comment. He lets Alice step out, and then he looks back into the room.

The bench window. The hole in the wall serving as a window into the kitchen The much too-big, bare entrance space. The living room.

He sucks in a breath and nods, before shutting and locking the door behind him. He remembers the click of the key before looking at the key itself. He smiles and together, with their last boxes in hand, they go to the student centre and check in their room keys.

Harry climbs into the drivers' side of the moving van, Alice on the passengers'. He cradles the box in his lap as he looks back at the Harvard campus one last time.

Alice turns her head as well, waving at a few of her friends. She begins to chuckle and turns back to Harry, laying a hand across the middle console.

"To London?" She asks, wiggling her fingers.

Harry glances down at her hand and frowns. "To London," he says, his eyes locking onto the road, neither of his hands meeting Alice's.

She shrugs and closes her eyes.

~

The flight attendant's voice is what wakes the pair up.

"Landing in London, United Kingdom in 5 minutes."

Harry jolts awake, rubbing his eyes and looking around. He looks down at Alice, sleeping on his shoulder, and he nudges her awake. She complains at first, but moments later she's crawling over Harry to be closer to the window.

"London!" she says excitedly. "Oh my god... I haven't been here in ages."

Harry nods and lays his head back against the headrest, intertwining his fingers over his bellybutton. He takes in a few deep breaths, and Alice settles down for the few minutes before they've landed.

They don't have luggage, since it's all in boxes on another plane coming soon. They find directions to the flat they picked out a week ago, and drive there using a rental car.

They pull up to a small flat in a neighbourhood in north London. It looks like a lot of the surrounding ones; white brick with a tan roof and tan accents on the windows and doors, a nicely mowed front lawn, and a short driveway. The backyard looks fenced with the same tan colour, the left and right sides of the fences serving as their neighbour's fences too. Harry looks out at the flat, and just as he steps out of the car and joins Alice in front of the house, another car pulls up.

A black man, Mr. Reddin, dressed in a suit with a pink tie and broad shoulders steps out of the car, a clipboard under one arm. He waves at the pair, to which they wave back.

"Right on time!" He calls cheerfully, opening the passenger's side of the car. He takes out a pair of keys and beams at them, walking over.

He takes a stand in front of them and hands Harry the clipboard and a pen.

"We talked on the phone, but I didn't know when you said 'Styles' that you were _the_ Harry Styles," he says. "Just thought you had the name."

Harry chuckles and hands the clipboard over to Alice. "I get that a bit," he says. He looks up at the house and scratches his head. "So this is it?"

"Yes. Need the house tour before I go and give you your keys?" Mr. Reddin asks.

Harry nods as Alice hands Mr. Reddin back the clipboard. Mr. Reddin sticks a hand out for both of them, shaking them before leading the way to the house.

He stops just before he reaches the door. He holds out a key for each of them, and then steps back. "The honours?"

Alice laughs and looks down at the key in her palm. She looks back at Harry, and shoves a hand forward as if to say he could do it.

Harry sticks the key in the hole and turns it. The door unlocks, and Harry places a hand on the doorknob, pushing the door open.

The house smells like dust and old cigarettes. He coughs a little but steps into the house, letting Alice come behind him.

The house isn't anything special. To the right is a slim staircase and a coat closet, the stairs elevated off of the floor with another step. The floor is carpeted, a pale tan colour that looks awfully clean. To the left is a small, empty room, where the living room was supposed to be. The floor turns into tile, and on the left wall there's an archway and a window into the kitchen.

Mr. Reddin steps forward, in front of Harry and starts walking through the house. Harry feels Alice slip her hand into his, and he lets her, leading her ahead.

Mr. Reddin steps through the kitchen, waving a hand around. "It's not much, but I'm sure it's comfy," he says. The kitchen is small, with light brown tiles and cream-coloured paint. The counters are marble, slick and shiny, and there's an island in the middle with a counter for bar stools to slip under. The stove is an older one, black and used-looking. The cabinets have pretty gold handles on them, the front carved out and replaced with glass, except for a wooden border. There's a cut in the cabinets and counters, where the fridge should fit, right next to a deep sink.

Alice squeezes his hand. "I could make this home," she laughs.

The tour continues on, through the bathroom downstairs with a colour scheme similar to the kitchen's. They move upstairs, through the two bedrooms opposite one another, and the bathroom upstairs, with the same colour scheme as the rooms they'd viewed before.

There's a bare room next to where the stairs comes up with windows that light up the whole area. Alice automatically claims the room as her own, for her work and library room.

The tour comes to an end, and as Mr. Reddin is driving away to leave them alone, the furniture trucks come along.

For the next two hours, Harry and Alice are busy guiding movers to the different rooms the furniture goes to. Soon, the living room is fixed, and the bedrooms are almost done, and the boxes from the plane have arrived.

Alice immediately begins unpacking a few of the boxes, Harry alongside her. The hours tick away, and Alice is still busy with unpacking, when Harry gets tired.

"I need a break," he announces, coming out of the kitchen.

Alice hobbles past him into the kitchen, a stack of plates in her arms. "Then go fix your bed and lie down, nobody's stopping you," she calls.

"No..." Harry drifts off. He looks down at his feet and then pulls his keys out of his pocket. "I need to go somewhere and see someone."

"Who?"

"Someone."

Alice comes out of the kitchen and shrugs. "Okay. Be back in an hour... so like... six?"

"Pushy," Harry scoffs, walking past her and out the door. "Have fun unpacking!"

"Yeah!"

Harry climbs into the car and slams the door behind him. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

He's heading five minutes away from where he is now, back to his and Louis' flat.

~

He turns down the street and begins to drive slow, nearing the flat. He looks out at it and gulps. A shiver runs down his spine, and he finds his whole body trembling.

He stops his car and steps out, cautiously, as though the flat has been mined. He steps around the car, standing in the front yard, looking at the flat.

It's just how he remembered.

He walks through the grass, shielding his eyes from the sun. He comes to the doorstep and pulls his key out. He's kept it all this time.

He fits in into the lock, hoping there's no alarm, and that the key actually works.

He squeezes his eyes shut and listens for the click of the key, and it comes. He lets out a sigh of relief and pushes the door open. He doesn't know what he's expecting; Louis certainly didn't live there anymore.

He takes a step in the flat and shuts his eyes, inhaling. Not even a trace of the old smell remains, replaced with the smell of abandonment. The empty, stuffy, thick air of an abandoned home.

Harry opens his eyes and looks around the flat. It looks so bare, even if his last memory of the flat is four years old. He tries to remember where all the furniture used to be, but even though he's trying his hardest to imagine the flat just as it was, it's not.

He lets his eyes fall to the carpeted floor, but they don't look at the carpet. Instead, they're focused on the small, maroon box sitting in the middle of the floor.

He frowns and cautiously makes his way over to the box. He falls onto his knees, kneeling beside the box. He lowers his head to look at it. Written with a black Sharpie on the top, says the word _Harry._

Harry quickly takes the top of the box and pulls it off, setting it next to him. He looks in the box and immediately feels his heart skip a beat.

There on the top are a few Polaroid pictures of him and Louis together, laughing, partying and drinking, the mix. He starts to look through them, chuckling lightly and remembering the moments the photos were snapped. He comes to a few selfies; Louis' Polaroid camera was the one thing he wouldn't let go of when he had alone time with Harry.

_"But you look so good babe, I want to remember this," Louis whines._

_Harry groans and stuffs his face in the blankets. "It's too early for this, dickhead."_

_Harry feels Louis climb onto him. He begins to laugh uncontrollably as Louis attacks his sides, his knees pinning him against the couch._

_"Lemme take a picture!" Louis begs._

_"Get off of me!" Harry cries, trying to defend himself from the tickles._

_There's a flash, and then Louis is climbing off of Harry. He waits for the Polaroid to print, and then he hands it to Harry._

_"See babe?" he asks. The picture is of Harry laughing, his eyes wrinkled in the most precious way, his curls tussled and falling around the frame of his face. Harry looks up at Louis with a smile._

_"You're perfect."_

Harry looks over at the spot where the sofa used to be, the exact sofa the memory took place on. He smiles and then continues flipping through the photos again.

The pile thins out, and as Harry is surrounded with Polaroid pictures and he feels he's seen every one, a thick piece of paper is at the bottom.

He takes the paper out, and realizes it's a letter, by the way the paper is folded and thick. He takes in a deep breath and unfolds the paper, quickly beginning to read.

_Dear Harry,_

_I don't exactly know when you're going to be reading this. It could be like 10 years from now. It doesn't really matter why. I left this here for you, because I knew you'd be coming back one day or another, no matter what state our relationship was in._

_So you know all the letters, yeah? The ones you keep sending me (still, and it's been 3 years. You're insane.) and I haven't replied to... yeah, sorry about that last part. I just couldn't. So these are the replies that I never sent out. I guess you'd want them all at once. Every time you write them I'm going to reply, and then when they stop coming... the letter ends. So here goes._

The letter was exactly what Louis promised it was to be. There was a total of 33 replies, all dated and responding to every question Harry asked and telling about every day Louis had. The letter was about 30 pages long, and Harry had no idea what time it was by the time he finished and he got a call from Alice. But, before he bothered to answer it, he tried to embed the last paragraph in his head.

_I haven't gotten a letter in six months now. So this is it, yeah? Well, happy returning to London. Glad the key still works. Don't bother fixing up the Polaroids and the letter. Oh, and... don't forget to talk to me. Maybe I've moved on and we're on the downside of our friendship, but you're still my best friend. Here's my address if you want to stop by, you know. 325 Westmoth Avenue, North London._

_\- With all the love and care in the world, I sign this letter from Louis. xx_

Trying to talk through his tears, he puts everything back in the box and returns the call from Alice.

"Harry, it's been four hours! Where are you?"

Harry sniffles. "I'm somewhere important."

"Are you crying?"

"Yes."

Alice is silent for a few minutes. She doesn't even want to ask, because she knows the answer is Louis. "Come home, Harry."

Harry places the top back on the box, takes it in his hands, and stands up. He looks around the flat one last time and takes in a shaky breath. "I will. After I do something."

Harry pulls up to Louis' flat and looks around. The place wasn't a mansion, but it wasn't small either. It was made entirely in dark wood colours, like a cabin, except the panels that built the walls were flat and painted. Even in the dark at 10pm, Harry could see all the signs that this was a regular family home; the little pink bicycle lying in the middle of the driveway, the miscellaneous shoes by the door, the gardening accents, everything about the home spoke that the owners were a loving family.

He steps out of the car and marches up to the front door. He steps onto the porch and looks at the bench next to the door. It matches the material of the porch.

Harry looks at the front door and listens for anything inside, he hears talking, but the voices are hushed and quiet. Carefully, he knocks.

He steps back as he hears someone moving around inside. The door creaks open, and Harry is greeted with Eleanor's face.

She looks at him like she's just seen a ghost in the pale moonlight. Her eyes widen and she forces a small smile. She looks back into the flat behind her, and through the crack in the door, Harry can catch sight of Louis. Folded up on the couch, his feet propped on an ottoman.

Eleanor looks down at him. Louis looks back at her, and strains to see who is at the door.

"Louis, I think someone's here for you," she says softly.

Louis pushes himself up with a small groan. "Who?"

Eleanor is silent. Harry shuffles on the porch and stuffs his hands in his pockets, trying to keep the cold from overcoming him. The second Harry looks up, Louis is standing there, looking at him with the utmost worry.

Louis places a hand on the small of Eleanor's waist, making Harry cringe, and shuffles around her. He kisses her temple and whispers, "I think I need to step outside."

Harry gulps and watches as Louis' fingers pull away from her side. He tries to overcome the jealousy surging through his veins.

Louis sighs and steps out onto the patio. His socks provide no warmth at all, and he hopes to get the conversation over with.

"Harry," he says quietly.

Harry looks at him expectantly. As if he was waiting for Louis to grab the sides of his face and kiss him passionately. Instead, he furrows his brows.

"Louis," he says.

"Why..." Louis starts. "What are you doing here?"

"I came back," Harry says.

"To visit?"

"No, I moved back. I bought a flat with Alice."

Louis' eyes flick back up to Harry when the last sentence is spoken. He scans his eyes, and for once, they don't reflect anything.

"Are you guys like a thing now?" he asks. It comes off more jealous than he had planned.

"No," Harry spits back. It came off to harsh. He looks back down at his feet and knits his brows together, down low over his eyes. He looks back up at Louis and stares. "I came back for you."

"Harry..." Louis whispers. He almost wants to place a hand on his shoulder, but he can't bring himself to do it; one, because he's freezing and moving makes him cold, and two, he thinks Harry will take it the wrong way.

Harry shakes his head and looks at Louis, searching his ocean-blue eyes.

"You said that I'd always have a home with you."

Louis feels a bullet hit him in the chest. He stutters and struggles to find words, but it's like trying to pull them out of a pool of quicksand. He can't make eye contact with Harry. He looks out at the blackness of the street, down at the wood on the patio, and then finally, into Harry's eyes.

"Things have changed, Harry," he whispers brokenly.

Harry blinks and lets his shoulders fall a little. He forms an "O" with his mouth and lets his gaze drift to the ground. He tries hard to blink back the little bit of tears he had. He didn't want to be hurt by Louis, yet again. He wasn't, either. Louis had never hurt him. He'd kept hurting himself.

He sniffs and feels Louis' hand on his shoulder. He shakes it off and steps back, wiping his eye. "I wish they hadn't," he murmurs.

Louis takes in breath through his teeth, and he can't hold back. He practically throws himself at Harry, hugging him tightly, but he pulls back in seconds when Harry doesn't hug back.

"I can't..." Louis stammers. "I have to go back inside, I can't stand out here and watch you cry. Harry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know what to do when you left me. So I left you. And I'm really sorry, but I can't have you here crying on my patio... Harry, really. I need to go back inside and you need to go back to... Alice."

"Why do you say her name like it hurts?" Harry asks.

"Because-" Louis stops unexpectedly as his thoughts seem to collect and throw themselves before his eyes. He looks up at the roof of the patio and thinks. So this is what Harry feels like. Louis just walked out of his life, for Eleanor, who Harry thought he'd never really fall for. Louis moved on, and Harry didn't. And now, the tables seem to have turned a bit. Now, Louis is the one feeling left, even if he has Eleanor and Holly and a good family and he's happy. Harry is drifting away from him. Louis isn't even quite sure they're best friends anymore. Harry's replaced him with Alice, just like Louis replaced Harry with Eleanor.

"I'm sorry," Louis says quickly, stepping back. "I'm sorry."

He turns and goes back into the house without another word. He shuts the door on Harry without looking back, and catches sight of Eleanor. He just shakes his head, feeling his chin quiver. He feels Eleanor wrapping herself around him as he begins to shudder and cry.

Harry turns and walks back down to his car. He slams the door angrily and looks over at the box in the passenger's side and punches the wheel. The horn honks, but he doesn't care. His fists ball around the wheel as he begins to drive, not looking back.

~

All the lights are on back at their flat, and Alice is in his face before he can stop her.

"It was Louis, wasn't it?" she asks.

Harry nods, and then hands her the box. Without a further word, he climbs up the stairs and slams the door to his bedroom behind him. He curls into a ball on the floor, and for once, he doesn't even cry. His tears have been replaced with anger.

**~**

**I'm so sorry it's been about 11 days since I updated now! Due to the late update I didn't have time to proofread this, so please let me know if there's any mistakes so I can fix them. These past two weeks have been hell. Between failing and making up tests, jazz band rehearsals, basketball game concession stands, essays, homework to the max, my friend getting diagnosed with cancer (thank god it's completely treatable) and just stress in general, I couldn't find the time to write. There's only 2 chapters left and then a Valentines Day's special epilogue... the end is nearing! xx  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

Harry and Alice walk into the central London bakery and sit down at a table in a corner. The woman behind the counter greets them, and they wave, but ignore her afterwards.

Alice picks up a small biscuit in the basket they always have out on the tables. She bites into it, only to spit it back out into a napkin.

"It's hard and gross," she mutters.

"Told you we should've gone to Holmes Chapel and got some from my own bakery," Harry says, his nose raised to the sky slightly.

"That's too far," Alice chuckles, and then sighs. "What kind of bread?"

"Bread?" Harry wrinkles his nose. "You have something to tell me about."

"I do?"

"You didn't bring me to this bakery for no reason."

"Maybe I just wanted some decent bakery delicacies," she says, getting up and walking over to the counter. She comes back with two blueberry bagels.

"Still don't know the difference between euros and pounds and shit," she mutters, setting the basket down and fumbling with the paper money.

Harry snatches it and starts to count as he talks. "How much?"

"€5.49," she replies. Harry gets up and gives the money to the bakery owner as a group of teenage girls walk into the shop. He takes his seat across from Alice and takes a bagel in his hand.

"Okay. Now spill. Why'd we go out today?" he asks between bites.

"To get out of the damn flat."

"No, the real reason. Something happened."

Alice raises an eyebrow and takes her own bagel. "Am I transparent to you?"

"After this long?" he shrugs. "Pretty much."

Alice takes in a long draw of breath, bites her bagel, and swallows before talking. "I got a call."

"From who?"

"Holly."

Harry stills for a second. "Louis' daughter?"

"Yeah," Alice nods. She takes a plastic knife and cuts a chunk out of the butter stick set out on the table.

"But isn't she like, two?"

"Yeah, but I think she knows something," she says. She looks up from her butter spreading to read Harry's facial expressions. Her eyes float down as she continues talking. "You look confused."

"You just told me a two year old called you and said something important. How am I supposed to react?"

"The number was Eleanor's, and she asked who it was, very fluent little girl..."

"Who was she calling for?"

"I don't know. She got ahold of the phone, I guess," Alice says. Her eyebrows raise and she looks up at Harry as she bites into her buttered bagel. "Care to know what she said?"

"Yes." Harry leans forward in his seat, setting the bagel back in the basket and folding his hands beneath his chin.

"Well, these are her exact words. 'Mummy got mad at Daddy and left. Daddy cry and he say he love Uncle Harry.'"

Harry's whole body tenses. He feels his throat constrict and he fights to breathe, even though the words are running around his mind. "Is... is it okay if I ask a lot of questions?" he wheezes.

Alice nods, reaching across the table and placing a hand on his forearm. "If you breathe," she whispers.

"I'm trying," Harry coughs. He covers his mouth with his elbow and picks the bagel back up, picking at it. "Uncle?"

"She said uncle."

"Mummy got mad at Daddy... and left. Eleanor's left Louis?"

"I'm assuming."

Harry sucks in a sharp breath. "It must be bad."

"You haven't mentioned anything about the fact that Louis said he loves you."

"He's a sick bastard, I bet he told Holly to say that," he snorts. He doesn't hear anything from Alice for a while, so he looks up.

She shakes her head and looks down at her bagel.

Harry frowns and looks back down at his own. "What?"

"Harry... he still loves you."

"Bullshit," he mutters under his breath.

Alice reaches out for him, but her hand stops next to the basket. "You don't think he loves you?" she asks quietly.

Harry looks up a her with a dumbstruck expression. "Why would he? He left me for Eleanor, of course he doesn't. He probably wouldn't even care if I dropped off the planet."

"He would care, and he does love you. Maybe... maybe he doesn't see it, or maybe you don't see it, but you love each other."

"Bullshit."

Alice sighs and returns to finishing her bagel. "You're difficult," she mumbles.

The silence consumes the bakery, excusing the hyperactive talking of the group of girls who came in a bit earlier.

Finally, Harry finishes his bagel. He folds his hands on the table and looks right at Alice. "Remember the night we kissed?" he asks.

Alice looks up and brushes the crumbs off of her hands. "Yeah, why?"

Harry furrows his brows and stares down at his pants instead of at Alice's face. “I... I think that’s when I realized what Louis felt. How he was in so much pain that he thought he was falling in love. And even though I realized it, he didn’t. I think we helped each other find our ways all these years. Even if we never realized it we were helping each other, and then when one of us got taken away we wanted the feeling back. So he got someone else. And I almost did… but I realized it. And now… I’m so stupid Alice. He's so stupid. I loved him and he loved me too, all up until a little while ago. But he just doesn’t know it because he found the feeling with someone else. I gotta tell him. But I can’t, because it’s been so long. And now that feeling for me is gone and I don’t… I can’t forgive him.”

Harry's voice cracks on the last word and his lips quiver.

Alice swallows thickly. "How do you know he doesn't still love you?"

Harry sighs and looks up at her. He stares at her with absolute seriousness. "I just know."

~

**A MONTH LATER**

"I'll be back in an hour!" Alice calls. 

"Okay!"

She walks out the door, and Harry comes thumping down the stairs. He walks into the kitchen and grabs a bag of crisps, chomping on them as he throws himself over the couch. He sits and watches television for about ten minutes when there's a knock on the door.

He groans and pushes himself up, looking out the window. Alice's car is gone.

He brushes off his jeans and checks to make sure his hair is decent in the mirror next to the door. He doesn't bother checking to see who it is. He cracks open the door, and when he sees who's standing there, he throws it open.

He gulps and stares Louis up and down. He's dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants, his cheeks red and his hair a rat's nest.

"What are you doing here?" Harry croaks.

Louis' eyes wrinkle and he looks down at his feet, sucking up a few tears. He shakes his head and wipes at his face. "I can't," he whispers.

Harry looks at him and sighs. "You can't what?"

Louis looks up, and it takes all that Harry has not to pull him into a hug. "I miss you," Louis whispers.

Harry's heart flutters, and he looks down at Louis, trying his best not to cry. Harry wonders if he even heard correctly. He knows he has.

"What?"

"I need you back," he sniffles, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Harry lets go of the door and pushes it back against the wall. He scrubs his face with his hands, looking at Louis like he's the hardest decision of his life.

"I can't have you back," he says.

Louis stares at him, as though he was slapped in the face. "What?"

"Louis, I can't take you back."

"I need you," he cries. A tear runs down his cheek. He wipes it away furiously, trying to see Harry's figure clearly through his wet eyes. He keeps blurring in and out of focus.

"You don't need me. You have Eleanor. Louis, I can't."

"I don't have Eleanor."

"Still?"

"You knew about the first time?" he sniffs.

Harry cocks his head and looks down at the floor. "Holly... said a few things over the phone."

Louis nods, wiping his nose again. "I understand. But Harry."

"But what?"

"Please."

"What are you asking for?"

"You," he says simply. He looks up at Harry and blinks back a few tears. The younger boy stares back at him, his eyes cold and emotionless.

"Louis," he grumbles, his voice's tone evident of anger. "I can't have you back."

"Why not?"

"Louis, I can't," Harry spits. He looks down at the boy coldly. "Louis, you tore me apart. You put me in so much physical and emotional pain I threatened my life. I ran away that night. You remember that? And you left me. Now that you're happy with someone else, and she betrayed you, you can’t come crawling back to me. I'm not that easy. I'm not just going to give in to please you. You lost your chance. You had that feeling, that feeling of love, with me, but you just couldn’t let it stay with someone if they were gone for a while. You had to constantly feel it. And if I wasn't there, you turned to Eleanor. That much fucking hurts. I could've done it. I kept loving you, but you couldn't do the same. Louis, I can’t have you back.”

By the time Harry's finished, Louis' face is contorted with pain and tears and streaming down his cheeks. He looks up and shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak but sputtering on his tears. "Please, Harry," he chokes.

Harry takes a step back and cuts through the air horizontally with his hands. "No!" he yells. He barks it in Louis' face, and although he hates himself for scaring Louis, he knows he's only protecting himself. "I'm not going to be a part of your little love-triangle game anymore!"

Louis sniffles and coughs, staring at Harry expectantly, when suddenly, he thinks. And it hits him like a semi truck. He frowns and thinks harder.

"You and Alice have something going on, don't you?" he hisses. "And that's why you don't want me back!"

"You know that's not fucking true," Harry yells. He points a finger at Louis, and watches it tremble. "You don't reverse this game on me."

And it doesn't take more than five seconds for Louis' thoughts to finally correct themselves. Suddenly, he knows exactly how Harry feels. Except Alice is Eleanor in his situation, and Louis is the one being betrayed. Louis is the one who loves someone who doesn't love him back. His mind is screaming things. _Oh god. I've screwed up. I'm so sorry._  "I never ran a game," he whispers, turning around. He stands for a few seconds, hoping Harry will say something back.

He doesn't.

Louis walks down the doorsteps and back down to his car. He climbs in and slams his head against the steering wheel, letting out a strangled cry. "I've screwed it up again," he cries to himself. "If only he knew. Oh god."

He looks up to see Harry standing in the doorway, still. His head is hung, his eyebrows knitted low above his eyes and his green eyes focused on his feet. Harry looks up to the car, and even from a distance, Louis can see it; the stone-hard, dark blackness that engulfs his eyes instead of love.

**~**

**Shorter chapter, all apologies from me. So now there's officially one chapter left, and it's going to be long and full of reunions, fluff, smut, secrets and everything else, and it's going to be something to remember.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

**So this is it. This is the last chapter and I couldn't be sadder to write it! It's been amazing writing for you guys and reading your reviews and comments. I've loved watching this story grow, even if it's grown as a baby. I'm sad to say goodbye to this world, and the character of Alice Winchester, but I've still got the epilogue left to write! I'm putting this at the beginning because I don't want it to end with an author's note... so just know I'll be back for a cute little closing epilogue and then I'm off to planning more fics. Thank you to all of you who vote, kudos, and comment on every chapter, whether you're reading from Tumblr, 1DFF, Wattpad or ao3. Thank you to my proofreader and to my best friend Charlotte for coming up with some of the most brilliant lines of the story ("You'll always have a home with me." That one is purely her.) Thank you. - KM**

**~**

**A MONTH LATER**

Harry pulls up to their old flat and gets out of the car, walking up and sticking the key in the lock. He unlocks it and walks in, as though it was his own house.

He shuts the door behind him and closes his eyes. He inhales. The house still smells nothing like home. He opens his eyes, expecting to see the same empty room he'd been coming to, but instead Louis is standing there.

He jumps as Louis watches him with fear in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Harry whispers. He puts his keys in the pocket of his jacket and steps forward. Louis looks down. His hands are placed in the pockets of his denim jacket, his black skinny jeans clinging to his legs, and his eyes focused on his Van-covered toes. His mouth is dry, and when he looks up, he can't look at Harry.

"I always thought you'd come back," he sighs. "I've kept coming here, waiting to see you. To apologize."

Harry's eyebrows press together. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Louis says. His bright, sky blue coloured eyes meet Harry's for a second, but quickly focus on something else.

"For what?" Harry asks quietly. He steps forward again, but only to sit with his legs crossed on the floor.

Louis stands still, leaning against the wall. "For waiting so long."

"To what?"

Louis' mouth parts a little, and he shakes his head. He looks back down at his feet, and then directly at Harry. "Eleanor... didn't leave me because she got mad at me," he says quietly. "She left me because of you."

"What did I do to you?" Harry says. He's still afraid to laugh or raise his voice, as though doing so would scare Louis away or someone was listening. He waits patiently for Louis to gather himself to answer.

"Right," he sighs. "You didn't do anything. I did. I did it all and I'm so sorry. When Eleanor left, she gave me a reason. She was doing it because she cared. She said... she said she was leaving because she knew I still loved you. She said she didn't want to keep fighting for my love. She said she wanted me to go find you and tell you how I felt, because she realized she was the second choice. Eleanor left me because she said I still loved you. I tried to deny it, and prove to her I loved her, but then... then I kind of realized she was right."

Harry looks at him. "Is this a joke to you? I don't believe you."

Louis' eyes press shut and he takes in a breath. "I'm not joking to you. I'm trying not to hurt you."

"Well, hurt me you did."

"I know I did. I'm trying to fix that."

"Why?"

Louis looks at him. "I came to your house and told you I missed you," he says, completely re-routing the topic at hand. "I was trying to ask for your forgiveness. I know I didn't deserve it, but Eleanor made me realize I really did love you and I needed to tell you that and have you back. That's why I went to your house. I realized I was just... in love, but I was confused with who. You didn't understand. You thought you were the second choice."

"I am."

"You're not," Louis says. His voice cracks and returns to a whisper. He doesn't speak for a few seconds, trying not to cry. "When I came to Boston a little over a year ago and gave you back the letters, it was before I realized everything. I realized something else. I'd screwed up. In the process of healing myself, I hurt Eleanor. I didn't want to hurt her anymore because she hadn't done anything to deserve it. Actually, she'd helped me. I knew what I felt for you, and I was trying to push it away because I thought I loved Eleanor and I needed her to know that. I couldn't do it before she left."

Harry sighs and watches him carefully. He looks so small and fragile, standing there just telling Harry his feelings without a fear in the world. By the way he's saying it, Harry knows he's being sincere, and he knows it's all the truth. "I understand," Harry says.

Louis' head snaps up and he looks at Harry with wide eyes. "You don't forgive me though," he says. He chuckles, smiling down at his feet. When he looks up, only half of his lips are pulled into a smile.

He looks right at Harry as he says it. "You know the thing about soulmates? They're the two things that don't fall apart, even when everything around them does."

Harry sucks in a breath and stares back at him. He doesn't know why, but suddenly he feels Louis' words in his skin. Louis is speaking to him, to his heart, and he's not trying to play with him anymore.

Slowly, Harry pushes himself to his feet. Louis gulps and takes half a step back, pulling his hands out of his pockets. Harry gets nearer, until he's hovering above Louis. He tilts his chin up, staring up at Harry.

Harry looks down at him. He slowly raises a hand. "Can I kiss you?"

Louis swallows thickly and stares back at him, his eyes flicking back and forth between Harry's. Slowly, he nods. "Yes."

Harry's eyes shut, and his hand comes up to Louis' chin. Louis' tiny hand meets Harry's on his chin, as he feels Harry's lips brush against his own. His eyes flutter shut as Harry fits his lips between his.

As much as Louis knows he doesn't deserve it, he knows everything feels right.

Harry feels his heart begin to thump in his chest.  He doesn't feel himself smile, and he deepens the kiss. His hands grab the sides of Louis' head, tilting it up, and he feels Louis' hands on his own. He feels him kissing back with a fiery passion. He feels all the words that should be said passing between them as though they're screaming them into the sky. He feels his fingertips heat and curl against Louis' skin, stroking at the softness of his hair and the sides of his face. Even though Harry is still mad at him and doesn't know why he's even kissing him, he knows what's happening.

Everything feels exactly how it's supposed to.

~

Harry steps out of the car and walks right into his own flat. Alice is sitting on the couch, and a muscular-looking boy with sharp cheekbones turns around.

Harry stops and looks at Alice and then at him.

"Harry," Alice blushes. "This is Peter, my brother."

Harry walks over and offers a hand. Peter takes it and shakes it, smiling up at Harry. Harry tries to contain his feelings for him- he's hot for a guy.

"Harry Styles, Alice's best friend," he says.

Peter laughs. "I think I'd know who you were."

He has traces of a British accent, and as much as Harry hates to admit it, it makes him hotter.

"Right," Harry says. He clears his throat and turns to Alice. "Can I borrow you for a minute?" he asks quietly.

She looks worried and nods, standing up. "Just a minute," she says to her brother. He smiles as she follows Harry into the kitchen. They hear the television click on, and then they know it's safe to talk.

"What's wrong?" Alice asks, her brows furrowed.

Harry hides what he needs to not to smile. "First, you never told me you had a pretty good-looking brother. You're going to need to elaborate on why- and how- he's here later. But more importantly... we kissed."

"Who?!" Alice says, completely ignoring Harry's compliment on Peter.

"Me and Louis," Harry whispers. He watches as Alice's eyes widen and her mouth drops.

"What?" she whispers, her voice raised up in pitch, signaling she would scream if her brother wasn't in the other room. 

"He apologized... and he looked so broken. He really meant it. I believe what he said."

"What did he say?"

"Eleanor left him because she knew he loved me. He came to the house and tried to ask for me back, but I said no because I thought I was the second choice, when Eleanor actually was. He still loves me."

Alice looks at him, the floor, and then back up at him. "I told you," she says, a small smile on her lips. "But are you sure? He hurt you so bad."

"He knows that. I'm ready to accept that and move past that and help him."

"He's married."

Harry sighs. "He filed a divorce... Eleanor said it was best for them."

"What about Holly?!"

"I don't know about that. But I just really... I can't believe it. Alice. He loves me."

Alice pulls him into a hug. "I'm so happy for you," she says, smiling. "He finally realized."

~

The moment Louis sees the second car in the driveway, he knows Eleanor is there. Why, he doesn't know; but it's either going to about Harry or Holly, and the options are sickening.

He walks up to the door and pushes it open quietly.

Eleanor is helping Holly put on shoes. When the door opens, she turns around. "Oh. Hi," she says with a weak, false smile.

"What are you doing?" Louis asks.

She ties the last shoe and helps Holly off of the couch. She fixes her dress and then stands. Louis looks beside her feet and sees a large cardboard moving box.

"What are you..."

"I'm leaving," Eleanor says. She crosses her arms and watches Holly run back into her bedroom.

"Where?"

"I came back because I needed Holly. I bought a house about a week ago and I'm moving in."

Louis' lips parts, and he looks at Eleanor with the utmost sadness. "With Holly?" he croaks.

Eleanor takes a few seconds before nodding. "Do you still want me?" she asks.

"I..." Louis starts. He wants to say something, but he can't. He watches as she comes to him with open arms and wraps him in them. Louis hugs her back, tightly, and feels himself shudder.

“Don’t ever think I don’t love you. I still do. But I know your feelings are with him, and as much as I tried to give you someone else to love… I hurt myself. It’s best if I take Holly with me for a bit... until the divorce is settled and until you can figure out how you feel, alright?”

Louis nods and sniffles. "Okay."

Eleanor steps back and looks at him, her eyes droopy and sad. He gulps as he watches Holly run at him. He bends down and takes her in his arms, hugging her tightly. Her small arms wrap around his neck and she laughs.

"Be good for your mum, okay?" he whispers.

Holly laughs again and pulls away. "I love you Daddy," she says.

Louis feels his heart protest and he nods. "I love you too," he whispers.

Eleanor takes the box in one arm and Holly in the other. She smiles at Louis, who's standing behind the coffee table with his legs against the couch. She sets Holly down to open the door, and before she can grab her, Holly runs out to the car. Eleanor closes the door and runs after her, sticking the box in the car.

Louis watches her get into the car without looking back. He watches his family drive away from him. He lets out a cry and curls into a ball, placing his head between his knees. He trembles with the tears, choking on air, sniffling. "I've fucked up so bad," he cries.

~

Louis wakes up and stares up at the ceiling. He takes in even breaths in counts of four for a few minutes. He looks over at the clock: 11:42am. He turns his head to the other side of the bed, and Eleanor still isn't beside him.

He sits up and rubs at his eyes. He looks around the room. All that's left is his belongings across the floor, and even though he misses the company, he doesn't. He knows he was just trying to keep Eleanor happy. Now, he has a chance with Harry, even if he wishes Harry wouldn't take him back, because he hates himself. He's screwed up everything he had in his life. He's done such awful things that should never be forgiven. In order to make Harry happy, though, it involves forgiving Louis. He'd go through the extremes to make sure he didn't hurt Harry further.

He throws the covers back and steps down onto the carpet. He wiggles his toes and stretches his back, a little yawn escaping his lips. He stands up and walks out of the bedroom, pausing next to Holly's room.

He opens the door and looks around. He feels the stillness of the half-empty room send a shiver down his spine. He shudders and lets out a small breath, the air suddenly cold. He shuts the door behind him and heads downstairs.

He begins to make himself a cup of tea. He pulls out two cups and two spoons and sets them down on the counter. Standing against the counter, listening to the silence, he swiftly turns around.

He grabs the handles of the fridge and slams his head against it. A shooting pain spreads from his head to his neck, and he groans.

"I'm alone," he sighs, taking one of the cups and one of the spoons and placing them back where they belong.

He tries to continue on, making his tea for only himself, but the silence gives his thoughts clear roaming space. He props his head against the counter, shifting his weight onto one leg.

He lets out a cry and sniffs, shaking his head. "I'm a horrible person," he whispers. "I'm horrible."

The crying and the anger towards himself had been going on since Eleanor left him about a month ago. Every day, he'd set out two of everything. Sometimes Eleanor would come later in the day to chat, but she'd leave as soon as she'd come. Every time he was alone, his mind would take him to a very bad place; he'd fucked with Harry or he'd fucked with his life, which were the same things. Harry was his life. And if one thing was wrong, the other was wrong as well.

He sighs and rubs a thumb under his right eye. He takes the tea kettle and pours the tea into his cup. He takes a sip, but before he can swallow, he chokes and spits it back into the cup.

He sticks his hand into his pajama pants pocket and pulls out his phone. Through his tears, he scrolls down to Harry's name and clicks it.

He raises the phone up to his ear, sitting down on the kitchen floor. He sets his tea beside him and waits for the phone to pick up.

Harry takes his phone and pulls it out of his pocket, continuing to walk down the parking lot. When he sees the name, he answers as fast as he can. "Hello?"

Louis sniffles and scrunches his face up so he doesn't cry harder. The sound of his lovely voice makes him want to scream apologizes at him back and forth.

He swallows and lets out a shaky breath. "I don't deserve you," he croaks.

Harry furrows his brows as he comes up to his car. "I deserve you, though," he says, struggling to get his keys out of his pocket one-handed.

"I hurt you so bad," Louis whispers. He covers one half of his face with his hand, rubbing at his eyes. "I don't deserve you."

"Louis... why do you feel this way right now?"

"Don't take me back. I... I don't want you to. I don't even trust myself," Louis chokes. He sputters and tries to gather himself enough to speak. "I'm going to hurt you again and you don't deserve that. I'm disgusting."

Harry steps into his car and slams the door, sitting still. "Don't you dare do anything to hurt yourself, okay? You're not perfect. You've made a lot of mistakes. I'm still extremely pissed at you, don't get me wrong, but I can work with that. We both have a lot to work out until we're ready for each other, alright? Got that?"

Louis sniffs. "Yeah."

"Okay," Harry whispers. He stays silent for a few seconds, listening to Louis sniff and cry on the other line. His tongue pokes out between his lips and he clears his throat. "I've fixed you once before, and I can fix you again."

~

**8 MONTHS LATER, FEBRUARY, 2020**

Louis smiles as he feels his phone buzz. He takes it out and rolls his eyes as he reads the text.

_How was therapy? I caught you just as you were leaving this time! Come to the old flat? - H .x_

His therapist calls out to him just as Louis walks out to the parking lot. "Tell your boyfriend I said hi!"

He laughs. "I will!"

He sends a text back as he walks back to his car.

_Why, do you have something planned for me? - Louis_

_I'm not telling you. - H .x_

 He groans and puts his phone back into his pocket. He gets into his car and starts to drive to his old flat, the entire time his mind keeping him occupied with the day's session.

_"So Louis, how's it been going at home?" Ms. Elliot asks. She crosses one leg over the other, waiting patiently for Louis to take a seat opposite her. She flips to a blank page in her notebook and tucks a stray strand of curly brown hair behind her ear._

_"Uh... alright," he says with a weak smile._

_"Just alright?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Hm." She says, writing down a few words. Louis shifts uncomfortably. The scratching of a pen always made him squirmy, as though he was a test subject being documented.  
_

_"Last week you were good," Ms. Elliot says. "What's happened since then?"_

_"Does it matter with what word I reply? Can't I step out of the routine?"_

_She laughs with a shrug. "Of course you can! I was just testing your boundaries."_

_"Ahh," Louis says. "You found a new way to do that."_

_"Can't I step out of the routine?" She teases._

_Louis smiles down at his feet. Of all the therapists he could have gotten, he got Ms. Elliot; one of the funniest, fresh out of college, down to earth, fittest girl he'd ever met, excluding a few of his friends._

_"Alright, alright. Moving on to more important stuff, all seriousness," she says. Her leg bounces as she talks and writes. "How's your boyfriend, Harry?"_

_"He's good," Louis says quietly. "But I'm not."_

_Ms. Elliot looks up with a worried expression. "Why don't you feel comfortable with yourself?"_

_Louis gulps. He looks up at her for a split second, but her gaze is overpowering and he resumes looking at the floor. "I'm still not good enough for him."_

_Ms. Elliot writes that down. "What do you feel you need to do to be good enough for him?"_

_"Be anyone but me."_

_She writes that down too, and then stands up abruptly. She throws the notebook to the floor and comes to stand before him. She lowers herself to her knees, placing a hand on each of his knees._

_"You, as yourself, are good enough for him," she smiles. "All your mistakes, even if they aren't mistakes in minds that aren't yours, are a part of you. Everything that you've done, even if you're not proud of it, makes you who you are, and you can't really do anything to change that."_

_Louis looks down at her blankly. "I'm not proud of what I did. I hurt him so bad."_

_"Does he think that way? Does he dwell on your mistakes?"_

_"No."  
_

_"Then they aren't important," she says. She takes her hands off his knees and sits on the floor, her legs tucked up to her body next to her. "What do you wish you could do to make yourself good enough for him?"_

_Louis shrugs and takes a minute to think. He looks around the room several times, the whole time Ms. Elliot silent and thoughtful._

_"I wish I could turn back time... and just keep him mine. Never had started confiding in Eleanor and let her become my best friend. I wish I had kept it all bottled up... because I started falling for her and I just forgot about Harry and I fucking hate myself for it."_

_"Keeping it bottled up wouldn't have been a good choice," she says. She sighs, looking behind her at her notebook, but ending up waving her hand at it. "I don't need that. This is about you, not documenting."_

_"Right," Louis coughs. "But I don't feel... I don't want him to take me back."_

_"But don't you want him back?"_

_"Well, yes," Louis nods. "To prove to him I can make it better. But that's not what I want for him. I don't want him dating a dick."_

_"You're not a dick. You're lovely. Harry makes his own choices, too, just remember that. If he didn't want it for himself, he wouldn't have made the choice and he wouldn't have kissed you that afternoon. You can't make his choices. He's making his own, and if he loves you for who you are, you better take it, because he loves you."_

_Louis swallows thickly and nods. He smiles and leans down to hug her. "Thank you," he whispers._

Louis' memories of the session quickly speed to an end as he pulls up to the flat. Harry's car takes up the spot on the driveway, so he parks halfway in the street. Still, the flat has no residents, and the keys work.

He swings his keys on the keyring before coming to the door. He unlocks it and pushes the door open, putting the keys back in his jeans pocket and immediately spotting Harry.

He walks over to Harry and stands beneath him.

"Hi," he giggles. Harry's dimples pop and he leans down a bit. Louis puckers his lips, and Harry pecks them cheerfully.

"What did you want?" Louis asks. His voice rumbles, and he steps back so he's not straining his neck to look at Harry towering over him.

"I want you to go upstairs and check our old bedroom, alright? And don't come down until you're done," Harry smiles.

Louis raises an eyebrow and rolls his eyes with a snort. He heads upstairs and pushes open the door to their old bedroom; actually, it was Harry's, but Louis got so scared alone that he eventually just started sleeping in Harry's bed until they became boyfriends and it stopped being a question.

On the floor is a little navy box,  _Louis_  written in silver sharpie on the top. He smiles and picks up the box. It's surprisingly light, so light it feels empty.

He pulls the top open and pulls out the folded piece of paper in it. When he unfolds it and reads the first line, he feels himself begin to tear up.

He chuckles and sets the box on the floor, standing up and reading the letter.

_Dear Louis,_

_Everyone struggles and everyone goes through hard times. I don't think you deserve to. You've made mistakes and you dealt with them in wrong ways but I forgave you, and I still am forgiving you. I forgave you because I missed your company and I missed you walking around my flat. You are human, you're bound to make mistakes, and I am going to be the one to help you through them, no matter how they make me feel. When you're happy, I'm happy._

_I am patient. I can learn to love you. You have hurt me in so many ways imaginable, but I'm not going to let you go, because letting you go would be losing you. Even if you're there to tease me, I love you. I couldn't bear to see you go. I'd miss your voice, your eyes, your smile, the way you walk and string words together, the way you stutter when you try to come up with a comeback, the way you look anywhere else but at me when you get nervous, the way you're you. I would miss you too much. You are a wonderful person, and even wonderful people make mistakes._

_I love you because you're you and that's never going to change, no matter how bad you screw up, no matter how hard you try to change it, because I'll help you._

_\- Harry .x_

Louis lets out a strangled cry and tries to laugh through his tears. "I don't deserve this," he whispers. He folds the letter up neatly and puts it back in the box, positioning the box in the middle of the room and then leaving.

When he heads back downstairs, Harry is still standing there, his hands out of sight behind his back. Louis comes to stand before him, still crying.

"What're you doing?" He whispers.

Harry smiles and blinks slowly. "Sometimes you just have to trust yourself from the opinions others have on you."

Slowly, he lowers himself onto one knee. Louis blinks hard, trying to believe his eyes as Harry pulls a small box out from behind his back.

Louis lets out a little cough and a cry, smiling as hard as he can as Harry flips open the box. He sniffs and watches as Harry stares at him, his eyes twinkling as he speaks.

"Eleven years ago, I met you as a part of The Rogue and myself as a part of White Eskimo at a Battle of the Bands. I thought bands were supposed to be enemies in such competitions, but then I met you, and I knew you were special. We met again at that Script concert. And once again, at the X Factor. I knew it wasn’t just a coincidence then, it was fate; and fate was what put us in the same band, what led us through our fights with each other and our management, what led us through the band’s break, and what led us through the past five years. On this day, five years ago, I tried to propose to you with this ring. You were a broken man trying to keep up a relationship with a wonderful girl and keep your reputation standing. That wonderful girl realized you weren’t hers to keep. You were mine. And my opinion on you, even though you’ve made so many unforgivable mistakes, is that you’re a beautiful man with so much to cherish and appreciate. And that’s why, here, I’m asking this question: Will you marry me?"

Louis feels his heart clench and his stomach twist. He scratches at the tingling in his chest, trying to stop the beating. He knows Harry can hear his heart skipping through the room, the weightlessness of his stomach overpowering. He grows lightheaded and his thoughts fuzz out. He knows he doesn't deserve Harry, and he has so much to work on before he's good enough for him, but he laughs and looks back at Harry like he's his world. He smiles and nods quickly, wiping at his tears. "Yes," he croaks.

Harry bites his bottom lip as he smiles, his dimples carving holes into his cheeks as he takes the ring and slides it onto Louis' outstretched finger. Louis looks down at it and laughs, wiping at his tears again. Harry sets the box down and stands up, opening his arms.

Louis slides into them, crying against his chest. He wraps his arms around Harry's upper back, Harry's arms around Louis' neck.

"Don't cry. I love you," Harry whispers into his ear.

Louis chokes and takes in a shaky breath, the scent of green tea radiating off of Harry. "I love you," Louis whispers against his chest.

Harry rocks him a bit, shutting his eyes. Louis relaxes in his arms, trying to stop himself from crying, but the ring on his finger prevents himself from stopping.

"Thank you," he whispers.

~

Harry pulls up to his and Alice's flat, holding onto Louis' hand with a smile plastered on his face. He turns off the car and looks over at him and laughs.

"You can follow me in there, but I have no idea what's going to happen," he says.

Louis bites his lip. "Okay," he smiles. He lets go of Harry's hand and follows a bit behind him, opening the door for himself after Harry.

Alice comes out of the kitchen as Harry walks in. She smiles and sucks in through her teeth. "Did you do it?!" She asks.

Harry waits for a few seconds and nods.

Alice shrieks and launches herself at Harry. She jumps at him, wrapping her legs around his waist. He stumbles backwards, but doesn't fall. He folds his arms around her back, hers around his neck, as she laughs.

"I'm so happy for you," she laughs, sniffling. Harry laughs as he feels his neck warm with what he thinks to be tears. "Don't you cry now," he says.

She laughs again, hugging him tighter. "I'm so proud of you. Thank you for everything you helped me with."

"Thank you for everything you gave me the past five years. You gave me a best friend again," he murmurs.

He sets Alice down, and she wipes at her eyes. Harry smiles and steps back, turning around.

Alice catches sight of Louis and stands still. He hovers against the closed door. She stares at him, motionless, still smiling. She laughs and bolts to him, hugging him.

He smiles as she hugs him. She's one of the best huggers he's known, besides Niall, and even he isn't as good as he used to be.

He melts into her touch until she pulls away. She looks at him and just nods, stepping back.

Louis walks over to Harry and slips under his arm. Harry pulls him into his side by the waist.

"So what's happening now?" Alice asks, her eyes crinkling as she smiles at them.

"We were thinking about moving back into our old flat," Louis says.

Alice nods and looks around at the room. "Peter wanted to move in with me here, but he said since you were here it'd be weird."

Louis raises his eyebrows. "Peter?"

"My brother."

"Oh," he says. "Well, give him a call."

"Yeah," Alice says. She clasps her hands together and sighs. "I'm so happy."

She skips past them and into the kitchen, giggling as she picks up the house phone.

~

Harry hauls the last box up as Alice passes him. Her hair is up in a ponytail, a red baseball tee pulled tight around her chest and waist, dark denim skinny jeans clinging to her legs and white converses on her feet. Her outfit selection vaguely reminds Harry of how Louis used to dress.

Alice throws her head back to look at him, smiling before looking in front of her again. She nears the Range Rover and pushes the box into the trunk. Harry follows after her, stacking his box on top of hers.

Louis and Peter, chatting quickly follow after them, putting their own boxes into the trunk. Harry shuts the trunk and sighs, looking at the group.

Louis moves so that he's closer to Harry and slips under his side. Alice crosses her arms and balances her weight onto one leg. Peter just stands there.

"So this is a goodbye?" Alice says.

Harry shrugs and stares back at her, but he lets go of Louis and hugs Alice lightly. She buries her head in the crook of his neck, and feels Harry slip something into her hand.

She looks down at the piece of paper and knows exactly what it is. A letter.

She puts it in her pocket and pulls away with a laugh. As much as she wants to cry, she can't, because everything in the world is right and happy.

"I'll never forget all you did for me," Harry says with a small smile. "And all you have left to do for me in the lifetime we have left."

"Great, I was doing just fine and I wasn't even going to cry but now you've got me started," Alice sniffs, laughing through her watery eyes. She waves her hands around and blinks, her hand fluttering to the letter in her pocket.

"Thank you," she says quietly.

Harry nods and smiles back at her before turning towards the car. Louis is already in the passenger's side, the window rolled down so he can see. Harry climbs into the driver's side and lays his hand out across the console for Louis to take. He takes it and locks their fingers together, Harry's thumb brushing across the back of his hand.

He puts the keys in the car and looks back at Alice. He waves, and she waves back, before he begins to drive off.

Alice watches him drive down the street and turn, and then looks up at the clouds. "I've never really prayed before... maybe only twice," she laughs. "Once for my father, and once for my mother. You never answered those. I never expected you to. But can you answer just this once? Please keep my best friends safe."

She takes the letter out of her pocket and unfolds it, a smile tugged across her lips as she reads it.

_Alice,_

_You've helped me with so much since I met you, and even before that. As a fan and as a best friend. When we met, I thought I was in for a rough four years with a crazy fanfiction writing fan. But actually, you turned out to be just what I needed: the happiness I needed to come home to day after day. You take up a very special place in my heart that I had reserved for someone just like you._

_I always thought Louis was going to be my best friend as well as my soon-to-be husband. I never knew my best friend would be someone like you. You've done incredible things for me in the past four years. I probably wouldn't be who I was now if it weren't for you... and I wouldn't have even been here either._

_Thank you so much. Visit the flat anytime you want. You know the address. Call me every day and tell me wonderful stories about the new friends you make and your brother and your life. Give others the happiness you gave me._

_\- Harry Styles._

~

Louis looks at the clock and sighs. He holds the letter between his hands as he heads down the stairs. He looks around the room, still not used to the furniture being in there.

He spots Harry sprawled across the couch, some book held over his head. Louis chuckles at the sight, causing Harry to stir.

"Hm?" He mumbles.

Louis comes down and hovers behind the couch. He leans down and brushes Harry's nose with his own. Harry sits up and shuts the book, setting it down beside him.

"I think we're going to live good here," Harry whispers. His voice is rough and scratchy as he looks back at Louis.

Louis hums in agreement and furrows his eyebrows. He's troubled and he tries to piece words together in his head.

He chooses a few and speaks them carefully, slowly, making sure Harry understands each and every one. "I’m a horrible person that you shouldn’t have forgiven," he says. He takes notice of the way Harry raises an eyebrow. He opens his mouth to speak, but Louis is afraid of losing his words in the process of Harry speaking, and continues. "But you took me back, and I can’t repay you for that. I love you so fucking much. You deserve as much as I can give you."

Hesitantly, he takes Harry's hand. He places the small letter in his palm and folds his fingers over it. Before Harry can speak, he scampers back up the stairs, leaving Harry with the letter between his fingers.

He looks down at it and reads what little is written.

_Dear Harry,_

_You gave me your heart. You told me it was fragile. It may have been torn through the years, but I still have it._

_Here’s mine. I know you’ll take care of it. You deserve it._

_Thank you._

_\- Louis x_


	24. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU after One Direction has broken up. Harry has gone off to university in the States and Louis has picked up a solo career. Along side a quirky roommate by the name of Alice Winchester, Harry writes letters to Louis to remain in contact with him, and Louis sends them back; but how long will it last? Is the effort enough to keep them together?

**THE FOLLOWING YEAR**

Harry watches beside Louis as he gets his hair fixed. He smiles down at him, laughing as Louis rolls his eyes.

"Stop laughing at me," he pouts.

Harry leans down and kisses his forehead, disrupting Lou's hand for a minute. She sighs and fixes the front of his hair again.

"You used to have to do this too, you know," she says, looking over at Harry. She takes the hairspray and douses his hair with it, sending Louis into a coughing fit.

"Horrid," he mutters, jumping up. "Right. I'll see you... after the show then?"

Harry nods and looks down at his feet. "Yes."

They head over to Louis' platform and hold hands. Harry stares at the small carved-in area under the stage, listening to the screams of the fans. "I miss that," he says quietly.

Louis shrugs and bends down, climbing up onto it. He lowers himself onto one knee. "You can do it again some day... do you think?"

"Too late now."

Louis holds his arms out, puckering his lips. Harry chuckles and plants a light kiss on his lips, hugging him tightly before pulling away. "See you at outfit ch-"

"Actually," a voice behind them calls. Harry whirls around and spots Felicite heading over to them. She hasn't changed a bit since Harry last saw her.

"We had an opportunity for you two," she says. A smile crawls onto her face and she looks over her shoulder behind them.

"Guys!" She yells.

There's a scurry of feet and shushed voices. Harry looks behind him at Louis, who's face in contorted with wonder.

"Who...?" he starts, but he's quickly silenced as he sees who is coming through the door.

Holly comes running to him, hand in hand with their second adopted daughter, Camilla. Behind them, all of their parents.

Zayn and Perrie come walking in, laughing and looking down at their three year old son, James. Behind them come Niall and Charlotte, Niall holding a small sleeping baby in his arm. Liam and Danielle come after, Liam's arms crossed over his chest, smiling. Danielle looks over at him, blushes, and looks to the floor. Eleanor walks behind them, smiling even though she doesn't know why.

Behind them all is Alice, beaming as bright as the sun.

Louis laughs and looks around at all of them, crawling off of his platform. "What are you guys all doing here...?" He chuckles.

They morph into a huddle, Louis staring at them all in disbelief as Harry's knocked off of his balance by Holly and Camilla.

Felicite is the first to explain the group. "The band agreed that on the start of your second solo tour, they'd join you and make you feel at home," she says. "Behind your knowledge, of course."

Louis looks over at Harry is disbelief. "Were you in on this?"

Harry bites his lip and chuckles, shrugging.

Louis slaps his arm. "Bastard, you never told me!" He looks over at the rest of the group. "Why for me?"

"The past year, you've done so much for me, and i just wanted to pay you back. We all did," Harry says quietly. He holds out his arm, and Louis slides into it. "And... that's not all."

Louis looks out to the rest of the group and raises an eyebrow. "What's left?"

Alice steps forward. "Since the band kinda prevented you guys from coming out... you're going to do that tonight."

Louis' eyes widen and his mouth drops open in a smile. "What?!"

"The band wanted to be with you for that," Liam says, laughing. "We knew you've waited since the X Factor for that... and we didn't want to screw it up like we did last time. I was kind of a real dick last time."

Louis feels himself tear up, and he buries his face into Harry's shoulder with a laugh. "You're too good for me," he chokes out.

Harry wraps him in a hug, Holly and Camilla running over to Eleanor instead. She picks them up in separate arms, moving over. 

Louis looks over at Felicite and then at the band and their families. "Thank you so much," he cries. "Thank you."

"Now go up there and act like it's a normal night, because we're waiting for you next song. Introduce us properly!" Niall yells, and the group erupts in cheers.

Louis crawls up to his platform and wipes at his eyes. He looks at the band, Alice, Eleanor, Charlotte, Perrie, Danielle, Holly and Camilla once more, before his eyes land on Harry.

"Thank you," he whispers as his platform lifts up.

The first song off his second album,  _One Night's Journey,_  comes and goes in minutes. His mind is racing with thoughts of everyone backstage waiting for him. When the song comes to an end, and the fans scream, he takes in a breath.

"The next song," he says, and almost as if on cue, the piano intro of Across the Ocean starts playing. He swallows thickly as he realizes he's going to come out in a song- the song he wrote for Harry. The fans scream, a bit confused but excited nonetheless.

"The next song," he tries again, moving to the center of the stage, "is from the last album. I think you'll all know it... and I think you'll know the guests I have to sing it with too."

The smoke in front of the stage shoots up, and from each side of the stage comes the rest of the band, running and shouting and cheering all at once. Zayn and Liam come on his left, Harry and Niall on his right.

The fans go wild. Absolutely insane, and Louis knows it's going to be the night to remember.

They line up next to him, waving out to the crowd and he hears the beginning of the song start again on loop. He laughs into the microphone and looks next to him, right at Harry.

Harry stares down at him, his eyes twinkling. He nods slightly, and looks back out to the crowd.

"Introducing Across the Ocean, featuring One Direction."

Liam, Zayn and Niall break off from them, running to the opposite sides of the stage as though it were the Where We Are Tour all over again. Harry stands next to him as Louis takes the first verse.

_Love is not the easiest thing_

_To find yourself behind with._

He looks over at Harry, and then out at the crowd, and he takes the next verse. Louis cries the entire time, hearing the lyrics he wrote being sung in Harry's voice embed in his skin.

_I'd rather be behind with you_

_than behind with anyone else._

Niall fixes his microphone and looks out to the crowd, laughing. Liam looks over at them and smiles, watching as Louis and Harry try their hardest to sing to each other. Zayn sings the high note usually sung by Louis in the background.

The chorus comes quickly, and Harry turns towards Louis. Louis feels his heart beat against his chest and he finds his fingers twitching. Slowly, Harry reaches out for his hand, winding their fingers together.

The fans scream unbelievably loud. Harry holds their locked hands up into the air as they sing the chorus together.

_My compass, your ship,_

_guide us across the ocean;_

_your voice, your love,_

_they guide us across the ocean._

_And I’ll sing this song for you,_

_and you’ll sing it back to me;_

_across the ocean blue,_

_I’ll sail the sea for you._

Louis feels himself tear up, and he can't even sing the next verse and Harry takes over it for him. The band comes back together as the chorus nears again, and they all get ready to sing.

Louis shakes his head curls himself in Harry's arm, laughing and crying against his chest. Liam, Zayn, Niall and Harry sing the chorus together, and Louis feels Harry's chest vibrate as he sings. And as much as Louis wants to pull away, to run away and tell Harry he's too good for him, he can't. Everything was meant to work out like this.

He sniffles and pulls away, looking at the wave of fans around them. He looks up at Harry, who looks down at him.

"I love you Louis," Harry says, the words echoing around the stadium as they're spoken into the microphone. The fans are absolutely bawling.

Louis laughs and holds his own up to his lips. "I love you Harry," he croaks, chuckling under his breath. He sniffs in as Liam takes over the next verse, but stops halfway through as he too begins to tear up.

"I don't even cry!" Liam protests, making the crowd laugh. The band doesn't even bother to sing the song. They huddle into a circle, hugging each other, Harry and Louis in the middle and encompassed in each other's arms.

Joining them on the stage comes the rest of the crew: Alice, Eleanor, Danielle, Perrie, Charlotte, Holly, Camilla and James. The fans coo at the children as they all hug the band, laughing and crying in a giant lump on the stage.

Louis gathers himself enough to squeeze out a few words from inside the cluster. He holds his microphone up to his lips, looking into Harry's eyes as he says it.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this," he whispers. "But I'm glad it happened."

The microphone dropping to the stage echoes around the stadium, along with the screaming of fans and the piano solo still playing strong. Harry lowers his head, just enough to place his lips against Louis'.


End file.
